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Cassie Hanaway
Critique Page Editor
Reviews For June 2- June 9
CRITIQUE OF THE WEEK
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Note from Cassie: I just could not decide which of these two reviews I liked better, so I made it a tie. Actually, this week there were several reviews that were just plain excellent. Thank you. Please keep those reviews coming in.
name = Patti Dinneen
Submission_author = Campground Killer by George H. Lafferty
Points = 5 points
opinion of the submission and author = This story very much reminded me of the writing style of Dean Koontz. George Lafferty builds the suspense in the same manner as Koontz, driving the reader on with an almost uncomfortable level of tension. If this story were a novel it would undoubtably be a page turner. Hey George, next time how about pointing your remarkable talent towards something a little more warm and fuzzy? Skip that, I'm not sure I would want to read about what would happen to the puppies in one of your stories!
name = Bob Schackner
Submission_author = Campground Killer by George H. Lafferty
Points = 5 points
opinion of the submission and author = The first thing I want to know is George's whereabouts for the last two years! This story had me hooked from the first word to the last. George has an obvious knack for attention to detail. I think that's what makes the narrative even more chilling. And given today's headlines, this could fit right in. As I was reading this, I began to wonder how George was going to wrap it up. His ending was just perfect.
George, really nice stuff. In closing, maybe we better find out if George has been traveling a lot in the last two years!
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name = Linda Dousay
Column_author = Goth Culture by Gary Gordon
Points = 4 points
opinion of the column and author = Great opening! I'd like to give Gary a 5 for this one; however, his use of profanity is somewhat offensive. I think he would appeal to a wider audience if he would tone it down just a tiny bit. I love his style!
name = Linda Dousay
Column_author = Black Men White Women Natural of Fatal
Attraction by Kawamba
Points = 5 points
opinion of the column and author = Well written article! The author is adept at remaining neutral. I would have liked to have seen some more statistics or perhaps some examples (make me think!), but it is still very well written!
name = Jessica Sayer
Submission_author = From Across The Street by TQ
Points = 5 points
opinion of the submission and author = Wow... that was breath taking and has let me speechless. What more is there to say.
name = Bob Schackner
Submission_author = Cold Presence by Kim Knight
Points = 4 points
opinion of the submission and author = This is a great example of creating a frightening scenario by being subtle. Kim has proven it's what you don't know that will get you! I was intrigued and enjoyed the story. It makes me want more! Keep going, Kim!
name = Bob Schackner
Submission_author = Campground Killer by George H. Lafferty
Points = 5 points
opinion of the submission and author = The first thing I want to know is George's whereabouts for the last two years! This story had me hooked from the first word to the last. George has an obvious knack for attention to detail. I think that's what makes the narrative even more chilling. And given today's headlines, this could fit right in. As I was reading this, I began to wonder how George was going to wrap it up. His ending was just perfect.
George, really nice stuff. In closing, maybe we better find out if George has been traveling a lot in the last two years!
name = M. Abramowitz
Poem_author = Everyone's A Criminal by Gary Gordon
Points = 5 points
opinion of the poem and author = Mr. Gordon has decided to tackle yet another genre I see. Well, he not only tackled it - he took it to the ground and gave it a sound thrashing. Multiple kudos and a single bravo for the double G.
name = Jack Mann
Poem_author = Everyone's A Criminal by Gary Gordon
Points = 5 points
opinion of the poem and author = Very funny and well thought out as if written by a professional.
name = Jack Mann
Poem_author = America Is The Loser by Fred Lane
Points = 5 points
opinion of the poem and author = 5 points for telling the truth!! Well written and to the point, however I don't agree with the out come. We will survive, at least for a while longer. I am still naive enough to believe that most of the American people still have what made America great.
All through history, every great society has fallen because of morality. We will be no different, but we have not quite gone that far yet.
name = Ken Bushnell
Column_author = Trading Places by Jerry Welsh
Points = 5 points
opinion of the column and author = I heard some potentially horrifying commentary in that we may be moving from dreaded poll driven politics to a political era where politicians can get away with ignoring the polls to support special interests. Package that with entertainment and I think you've defined the next political style. But I think the important question here is; do you give references?
name = Lisa Ferrer
Poem_author = Some Days We Are The Flower
by Alice Bateman
Points = 5 points
opinion of the submission and author = Alice, this poem is beautiful and very well written. This words all go together quite well.
Very good job!!!!
name = Charilette Rai Sweeney
Poem_author = Everyone's A Criminal by Gary Gordon
Points = 5 points
opinion of the poem and author = Loved it! Very clever!
name = Lisa
Poem_author = January by Edie Miller
Points = 4 points
opinion of the poem and author = I like the poem very much but I dont understand what January has to do with it.
name = Lisa Ferrer
Submission_author = Policemen by Jack Mann
Points = 5 points
opinion of the poem and author = Jack, excellent poem I really enjoyed it, you deserve the best for this one!
name = Lisa Ferrer
Poem_author = Bedtime by Bill Keenan
Points = 4 points
opinion of the poem and author = Good poem, I am a lover of winter too.
name = Pam Newton
Poem_author = Everyone's A Criminal by Gary Gordon
Points = 4 points
opinion of the poem and author = Very funny, and so very true; the title of the poem fits the piece well. This poem has a good plot, and I found myself laughing when I finished reading it. The author might have shortened the poem just a bit, though, to give it a better effect at the end.
name = Linda Dousay
Poem_author = Everyone's A Criminal by Gary Gordon
Points = 5 points
opinion of the poem and author = Gary's got it going, in a funny sort of way-- and Uncle Mel, no doubt did laugh, at all the lad did say! (Good job Gary)
name = Gary Gordon
Narrative_author = Oh, Christmas Tree by Bob Schackner
Points = 5 points
opinion of the narrative and author = Great writing, mister. I hope you're working on a novel or something.
You could make the big money.
name = Gary Gordon
Story_author = The Right Thing by Suzanne Tetreault
Points = 3 points
opinion of the story and author = Nice dialogue and nice storyline. It's hard to "flesh out" the characters in a story that is so short... and a little more explanation between emotional shifts would be nice. All in all - a good story - just remember that for the reader to FEEL your story - you've got to really explore what the character is feeling. Saying "a thousand thoughts flew threw her mind" is fine...but it doesn't DRAG me into her mind. It doesn't FORCE me to care.
Sorry - I'm certainly not the person to try and "school" someone on writing. Please take these comments in the spirit they are offered and, by all means, KEEP WRITING.
Thanks,
name = Patti Dinneen
Submission_author = Campground Killer by George H. Lafferty
Points = 5 points
opinion of the submission and author = This story very much reminded me of the writing style of Dean Koontz. George Lafferty builds the suspense in the same manner as Koontz, driving the reader on with an almost uncomfortable level of tension. If this story were a novel it would undoubtably be a page turner. Hey George, next time how about pointing your remarkable talent towards something a little more warm and fuzzy? Skip that, I'm not sure I would want to read about what would happen to the puppies in one of your stories!
name = Jerry Lewellen
Poem_author = The Intoxication of Intimacy by Jim Ciccolini
Points = 4 points
opinion of the poem and author = Jim's love poems always have the same appeal- they are hot and full of emotion. Good Work
name = Dick Swenson
Story_author = Sam Schpade - Private Detective by Gary Gordon
Points = 5 points
opinion of the story and author = Play it again, Sam - I can hear Bogart mumbling every line in the story. From the dialogue to the narration - Sweeeeeet! I almost pissed my pants laughing.
I am putting in my request for Sam Schpade - Part 2.
name = Jessica Sayer
Submission_author = To Spell Check Or Not To Spell Check by Ken Bushnell
Points = 5 points
opinion of the submission and author = Very interesting way to look at the agrument, I and just about everyother bad speller has face. Ken Bushnell always puts things in a new light [look at the talking shoes] this story is no execption. Very interesting. Extremely well write with homor no one will miss reading, thou I doubt that the events are exactly historically correct. :)
name = Flecks of Sand by Lynn P. Shaw
Poem_author = Flecks Of Sand by Lynn P. Shaw
Points = 5 points
opinion of the poem and author = It was very good and factual. Good job.
name = Shelley Poklitar
Poem_author = A Simple Handshake- Chapter 2 by Alice Bateman and Clive Michie
Points = 5 points
opinion of the submission and author = very descriptive, easy to read
name = Jenn Van Massenhoven
Submission_author = On Ghostly Grounds by Eric Rodriguez
Points = 5 points
opinion of the submission and author = Thois book is starting out wonderfully. As good as HANDSHAKE. I like it very much! Keep it coming!
name = Alice C. Bateman
Submission_author = On Ghostly Grounds by Eric Rodriguez
Points = 4 points
opinion of the submission and author = Eric, I like this story very much, it has a lot of potential, and I like where it's coming from. Good basis for many diverse emotional situations. I would suggest that you change the font from an italic, over time this gets difficult to read. But overall I'm looking forward to reading more!
name = Jenn Van Massenhoven
Poem_author = A Simple Handshake- Chapter 2 by Alice Bateman and Clive Michie
Points = 5 points
opinion of the submission and author = hmmm Mum and Clive. Still working together. A good thing. Obviuosly I'm not as prolific as my mother! LOL I hope that was the right word. Only one that came to mind. THey are doing well together. I have the advantage in that I get to read it before it's posted. Fans, just you wait. A thrill ride for sure!!
name = valma
Poem_author = A Simple Handshake- Chapter 2 by Alice Bateman and Clive Michie
Points = 3 points
opinion of the submission and author = I thought this chapter to be a bit of a teaser...wanting to know more about what was going on, but found the dialogue and writing in general to be a bit immature. But wish the authors all the very best of luck.
name = anonymous
Poem_author = Because She Said So by Cheyenne Duchovny
Points = 3 points
opinion of the poem and author = It is a good poem. It left me wondering who is she and why are they broken up.
name = anonymous
Poem_author = Visions by Pam Newton
Points = 5 points
opinion of the poem and author = Very well written. A little more "profound" than I prefer, but a visible meaning behind the words.
Great job.
name = Tony Newton
Poem_author = Everyone's A Criminal by Gary Gordon
Points = 5 points
opinion of the poem and author = Hillarious! Well written, easy to read and enjoy. Gary has done it again! Great job!
name = Em
Poem_author = Everyone's A Criminal by Gary Gordon
Points = 5 points
opinion of the poem and author = life called as she is again. Well done Gary.
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