most of these don't fit into any certain catagory.
vertigo sunrise
this song was a joke. it was written during church with my best friend, alyssa, over two years ago. for some reason, i'm leaving it on here. i'm amused by it...
aguero
this was written one night, when i almost filled up an entire notebook with blather. i don't remember writing it, but i remember why i wrote it. at that time, it seemed like everyone around me was crumbling. all my pillars of strength were falling. after much self-eximation, i saw that, i too, was crumbling. once i got me back together, things weren't so bad anymore.
infatuated with an illusion
it still hurts to read this song. this was the beginning of when my expectations of a certain person in my life began to be dashed. it was a very difficult time for me. when it all got cleared up, i thought that was the end of his broken promises and meaningless words. if i'd only known it would still continue almost two years later...and i'd still be lapping it up, even today. the majority of the things i've written in quite some time are about him and the pain surrounding him. the sore is not healed yet. besides the hurtful writings under this link, there are others that have to do with him.
various poems pertaining to nature
my writing suffers greatly during the winter months. i can't think clearly without the sun, without life around me. summertime is my in-season. i'm so much more creative and alive. these are a few of my nature-poems and crap like that.
say nothing, and others
this was originally written about a certain friend that knew she was getting into a wrong situation in a relationship. over time, this particular poem has pertained to so many other people in my life, myself included. i think mindless decisions are we all have from time to time. headstrong or hormonal decisions usually result in regret.
semi-light, happy poems
isn't it sad that i've so few of these? :)
lilac
this particular work hits home even more than anything else on this site, or anything i've ever written. it's about the relationship between myself and my mother. it's titled "lilac" because, for my whole life, i've lived in the same house. as a back hedge, we have a row of lilac bushes. as long as i can remember, spring brought lilacs. and the lilac reminds me of my mom. no matter where i go or what i do, i'll never forget the scent of a lilac, or the way they look in the spring sunrise. just like my mother, even though i'm going far away very soon, i'll never forget her. that bond will never be broken.
poems pertaining to my father
last summer, my father had massive surgery that nearly took his life. it was more than a harrowing time for my whole family. these particular poems were written in the week i spent in the waiting room and solarium of university of nebraska medical center.
abe-inspired writings
on october 24, 1997; abe mcgargill was killed in a car accident. it was the day that my life changed forever. mortality was now something that i could touch. he was the first person in my life, of my age, that had died. it was the biggest shock and reality kick i've ever gotten. i went into a deep depression for close to five months after he died. there was no light at the end of the tunnel. there was no happy ending or sliver-lined clouds. my life seemed pointless, death had stolen the beauty and grace of abe. he was neither a friend, nor a soul mate. he was this intangiable angel i stared at, feeling less than worthy. he was the captain of the football team, he was a beautiful soul...he was a friendly face in a crowd of solemn faces. he worked with my mother at a garden center. i would always go in to visit my mom and look at him. he never allowed me the privilege of speaking to him for more than a few minutes. he was a flirt, a tease, and a romantic. his death was far too real for me. abe never watered plants in the summer sun again. abe never smiled with his whole body again. abe's life and vigor and charism were stolen. his death effected me more than i ever would have thought it could. it also signaled a time in my life when nothing made any sense. people were dropping like flies around me. there was no such thing as happiness. my spirit was dying, my body was alive. these writings are just a few of what came from me at that time. not all of them are on here, because they're either profanity-laced or far too personal.
things i've written while in chicago
that's the only way i can classify these poems. it seems that usually my chicago trips aren't all that happy, and cause me to write weird things.
various unclassifiable writings
my memoirs of sorts circa 1998
Michial's "the crap i pass off as art" lyric page