OKAY, IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T HEARD BY NOW, LIAM HAS A STALKER. YES, THIS IS TRUE. THIS ISN'T ONE OF MY OASIS TABLOID STORIES, LIAM REALLY HAS A STALKER. I DON'T KNOW THE STALKER'S NAME, BUT WE'LL CALL HIM "IGOR THE STALKER." SO ANYWAY, HERE IS A TRANSCRIPT OF WHAT LIAM HAD TO SAY TO IGOR WHEN HE MET UP WITH HIM OUTSIDE HIS [LIAM'S] HOUSE.

LIAM: HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THE FACT THAT, ALREADY, YOU'VE DEVELOPED A REPUTATION FOR BEING A DERRANGED STALKER?

IGOR: I'M INTO IT, ME. BUT AT THE END OF THE DAY, I STAND OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE AND I GET A CLIP OFF YOU. AND I DO. YOU CLIP ME ROUND THE HEAD & GO, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING YOU LITTLE TINKER?"

LIAM: WELL, DO YOU KNOW THAT YOU'RE GONNA GET ANOTHER CLIP RIGHT NOW?

IGOR: OH YEAH, I GET IT ALL THE TIME. YOU LOOK AT ME AND GO, "YOU F*CKING DAFT BASTARD." KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

LIAM: HAVING A STALKER IS SOMETHING THAT I...

IGOR: I LIKE THE WAY IT'S BUBBLING UP. IT'S REMINDING ME OF MARK CHAPMAN ALL OVER AGAIN. I LIKE THAT ME. I WANT TO GET A POPULAR BRITHISH ROCKSTAR & FOLLOW HIM AROUND. WHEREVER HE IS, I WANT TO BE THERE.

LIAM: WOAH. HANG ON A MINUTE. THAT'S NOT ALL YOU'RE ON ABOUT.

IGOR: I AM.

LIAM: YOU'RE ON ABOUT A REPUTATION, ABOUT GETTING OUT OF THE F*CKING NUT HOUSE AND STALKING ME. ESCAPING FROM THE INSANE ASYLUM AND STALKING A FAMOUS PERSON IS NOT SOMETHING I'D BE PROUD ABOUT.

IGOR: WELL I AM, LA.

LIAM: ALRIGHT. WELL IF YOU'RE PROUD ABOUT BEING INSANE GET THE F*CK AWAY FROM ME & GO STALK SOMEONE ELSE. I HAVE A LONG CAREER AHEAD OF ME, RIGHT? I'M NOT ABOUT TO HAVE MY LIFE ENDAGERED BY YOU.

IGOR: YOU'RE ONLY GUTTED 'COS YOU'RE SCARED OF ME. I HAVE COMPLETE CONTROL OF YOU, YOU WIMP.

LIAM: SHUT-UP, YOU PRICK. YOU COME TO MY HOUSE AFTER LEAVING THE NUT-HOUSE. I'M LEFT WITH MY LIFE BEING THREATEND BY AN INSANE STALKER.

IGOR: IT WAS A BAD MOVE...

LIAM: YOU THINK IT'S RIGHT TO GO AROUND STALKING PEOPLE....

IGOR: I DON'T

LIAM: SHUT-UP, MAN! YOU THINK IT'S RIGHT TO STALK SOMEONE. IT'S DERRANGED, AND I WON'T STAND FOR IT.

IGOR: I'M NOT UP FOR BEING SEEN AS A BAD LAD, I'M JUST UP FOR BEING SEEN AS ME. AND WHAT HAPPENED AFTER I ESCAPED FROM THE LU-LU BIN, IS I DECIDED TO STALK YOU, RIGHT, 'COS I'M A FAN OF YOURS. AND I LOVE STALKING YOU, I'M INTO IT.

LIAM: WELL, YOU CAN'T STALK ME ANYMORE, YOU TWAT!

IGOR: WHO CAN'T STALK YOU ANYMORE? WELL F*UCKIN' WHAT THE F*CK AM I DOING HERE THEN? I'M STALKING YOU, AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT.

LIAM: EEYARE! WOOAH!

IGOR: SHUT UP! SHUT UP! I'M NOT SAYING I'M PROUD OF WHAT I'M DOING, BUT...IT'S JUST THE WAY I AM. IT'S THE WAY I AM. I ALWAYS GO OUT AND STALK SOME STAR...

LIAM: THAT'S BULLSH*T. BULLSH*T. BULLSH*T. BULLSH*T!

IGOR: AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED, STALKING IS MY JOB, I'M INTO IT. NOW I'M OUT OF THAT INSANE ASYLUM AND I GOT OUT OF THAT NUT HOUSE, I LAUGH ABOUT IT AND I THINK, YEAH, I GOT A FU*KIN' GOOD IDEA, MAN, I'LL STALK LIAM GALLAGHER. FAMOUS PEOPLE ALWAYS GET STALKED. IT HAPPENS, MATE.

LIAM: I'M ABOUT MUSIC, NOT GETTING KILLED BY SOME IDIOT STALKER. (EXASPERATEDLY) WHY DON'T YOU GO STALK DAMON ALBURN, AND SAY YOU'RE THE STALKER OF A MEMBER OF BLUR?

IGOR: 'COS I DON'T WANT TO. IF I DID, THERE'S NOTHING WOULD STOP ME.

LIAM: THEN WHY DON'T YOU GO MAKE A SCENE, THEN? WHY DON'T YOU STALK KEITH RICHARDS? STAND OUTSIDE HIS WINDOW!

IGOR: I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT. IF I WANTED TO DO IT, I'D JUST GO TO HIS HOUSE & DO IT & DO IT. BUT I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT. I'M NOT ABOUT THAT.

LIAM: WHAT ARE YOU ABOUT?

IGOR: I'M ABOUT BEING.....I'M ABOUT GOING DOWN TO YOUR HOUSE & STALKING YOU. (PUTS HIS HANDS AROUND LIAM'S NECK) THAT'S WHAT I'M ABOUT. YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH IT?

LIAM: SIT DOWN, MAN. SIT DOWN. YOU'RE GETTING INTO A STATE. SIT THE F*CK DOWN.

IGOR: YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO, I'M YOUR STALKER. I'M STALKING YOU RIGHT NOW. AND I'M INTO IT. I'M INTO ALL THIS F*CKING SH*T.

LIAM: THE THING IS, YOU'RE GONNA GET CAUGHT.

IGOR: NAH, NAH, NAH. THERE'S NO RULES ABOUT STANDING OUTSIDE A GUY'S HOUSE. SHOW ME THE RULE BOOK.

LIAM: YOU SPEN HOURS OUTSIDE MY DOOR AND YOU GO "PSSST", KNOCKING ON MY WINDOWS.

IGOR: YOU'RE GETTING HUNG UP ABOUT SOMEONE KNOCKING ON YOUR WINDOWS!

LIAM: SHUT THE F*CK UP, MAN! YOU'RE STALKING ME. I DON'T WANT TO GO ON ABOUT THIS. I'M IN OASIS TO MAKE MUSIC, NOT TO BE STALKED, I WON'T DISCUSS IT ANYMORE. GET THE F*CK AWAY FROM MY HOUSE OR YOU'RE DEAD!

IGOR: JOHN LENNON HATED HIS STALKER AS WELL.

LIAM: YEAH, WELL I HATE YOU, YA TWAT! HOW OFTEN DO YOU PLAN TO STAND OUTSIDE ME HOUSE?

IGOR: EVERYDAY. ........HOURLY.

LIAM: DO YOU HAVE ANY RECURRING DREAMS?

IGOR: YEAH. JUST THE ONE.

LIAM: WHAT?

IGOR: (MENACINGLY) I TAKE OVER YOUR LIFE.....

Boy, Igor is one crazy guy isn't he?! He better leave Our Kid alone, huh?!

ANYWAY, IF YOU WANNA CHECK OUT PREVIOUS WIBBLING RIVALRY SPIN-OFFS, HERE THEY ARE....

Marriage_Rivalry

Women_Rivalry

Wedding_Rivalry

Drummer Rivalry (Parts 1 & 2)

Wonderwall_Rivalry

Reunion_Rivalry

New Do Rivalry

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