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Guest
Speakers
Jackson
Brody (That's what I'm talkin' 'bout.)
Michael
Clark Duncan Does Not Find God this Time Around, But Jay and Silent Bob
Strike Back I rate this film seven
annoyed-monkeys-holding-balls simply to defy Indigo. This film
is a powerful testament to the lengths mankind will go to for revenge.
This may be the first film of our newborn millennium to merit the phrase
"modern epic." The story begins quite simply. Our favorite
hero stoner, a young Jay, is having lunch with his parents and awaiting
the arrival of his companion, Silent Bob when evil henchman LaFours shows
up demanding to be hooked up with a "nickelback." Jay's father refuses,
claiming he's saving the good shit for a special customer. LaFours
spares no time in slaughtering Jay's parents before his eyes. In
retaliation, Jay flips him off and throws a sword in his eye (or something
along those eyes). Then some other stuff happens. After
LaFour's departure, Silent Bob carries a weak Jay away to train him as
a musketeer (and drug dealer). Flash forward fourteen
years. Jay and Silent Bob arrive in 18th Century Paris to start up
the business (and become musketeers) after Dante and Randal kicked them
out of the Le Quick Stop in Southern France. They hook up with Banky
and Holden, also musketeers, and free Stan Lee from a prison, who is a
world famous comic book creator dude and an old musketeer. Apparently,
all the stoners and comic book guys in Paris have been denied serving the
King of France (Oddly played by Alanis Morrisette. She is not a musketeer)
by the Evil Cardinal Glick, who along with LaFours, is trying to overthrow
the throne in France so he can kick some Spanish ass.
The plot beyond that is way too convenient and complex to explain further.
More or less, Jay proves himself as a musketeer, (and proves he can hold
his liquor) so he gets the rest of them to fight against Glick and LaFours
who are trying to kill a queen named Hooper X. And there's some chick
Jay wants to fuck. But that's pretty much anything in a skirt.
Eventually, he gets all the musketeers to fight against the bad guys.
Jay ends up killing LaFours with his dual-sided bluntsaber, which solves
all the problems in France. Jay, Silent Bob, Holden, and Banky (And
some punk named Brodie) are honored by Hooper X for saving France.
Oh my! What a
folly! It seems I have just described the plot of another Miramax
film by mistake. Oh silly Jackson. How could you mix up the
characters of various Kevin Smith films with the plot from "The Musketeer"?
Damn you Mena Suvari, and your nakedness! I have never
laughed so hard during a movie as I did during "Jay and Silent Bob Strike
Back." It is also the only movie I have ever liked so much that
I bought the soundtrack to show my appreciation for being entertained so
well. A word of advice to Kevin Smith: don't break your arm
patting yourself on the back. You have made a film to please your
fans and succeeded enormously. I will not seen forget the high-larious
antics of Suzanne, Pumpkin Escobar, and Cocknocker. Is it too soon
to whisper Oscar for Mr. Will Ferrell ("Fuck beans! That was them,
wasn't it?) ? I really don't have much else to say on this film that
hasn't already been said and said with more enthusiasm, which is why I
resorted to the "clever" gag of writing about The Musketeer plot with Kevin
Smith characters. By this point I have pumped this review with enough filler,
so I will simply urge you to go see this movie instead of The Musketeer
because that Mena Suvari line in the preview "haven't you ever seen a naked
woman before?" is put there only to lure you into the theatre. Well
played, whoever directed "The Musketeer". Final summation: "Jay
and Silent Bob Strike Back" will rock your socks.
Fuv
Ma' Poppin' (And he is not amused)
Hey, yes, i did see Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back a week ahead of schedule, but i will get to that later. First, i want to provide some backstory: I am a comic book freak. Two years ago, I didn't know who Kevin Smith was, until my favorite comic magazine, Wizard, was touting this man as the second coming. Well, not really that extreme, but he was getting a lot of praise for his run on Daredevil, which was his first comic book work. I was unimpressed. I never liked Daredevil to begin with. Then I saw a criticism of his work in Wizard a few months later. Suprised that they would print such a thing, I read it. It said "just because he's a movie maker doesn't mean he can write comics!", or, at least, something to that effect. Up until this point, I was not aware that our Mr. Smith worked in movies. I thought that he was just some hot shot writer from out of nowhere. Which he was, but he had also made four movies. I looked into Mr. Smith's films, finding first, "Clerks". I had seen this video before in the movie store, but had always been a little frightened of the front cover, where it looks like Dante is trying to hug the camera from afar. But, I rented the movie anyway. And then the tape broke. I thought, "Well, this is off to a good start", brought the tape back, and got another copy. The guy looked kinda pissed, in retrospect, a little like Randal, in having to deal with his customers. Anyway, undaunted, I brought the movie home, and laughed my ass off. I then proceded to check out his other films, and was shocked to find that these were also high quality films too. I brought the subject of Kevin Smith movies up to my friends, and to my amazement, they had also seen some of his flicks. This became one of the centerpieces of the friendship to which we could all relate to, and talk endlessly about, keyword, endlessly. We had many public viewings of "Dogma", one of his best films, but I can't really call it that, because all of his films are great, and very different from one another, except for two stoners by the name of Jay and Silent Bob. Which brings us to our
topic, the review of "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back". My friends all went
to see the film at the first opportunity we got, at a "Sneak Preview",
six days before the film's real release date. We were glad that there was
a "Sneak Preview" day, because two of us could not make it on opening day,
so this worked out wonderfully. So we gets our tickets, and goes to get
in the movie. That's where the trouble begins. This evil red-headed ticket
taker would not let us into the film, despite the fact that my friend was
of age, but only had his high school I.D. Now, I realize that this woman
was doing her job, but his I.D. proved he was of age. Grrrrr. Anyway, we
stand around dazed for a minute, after being denied the last of our great
summer goals. But then, we see the other ticket takers giving us the "hey,
over here" eye, and he whispers "Wait 'til she's busy, and I'll let you
in". This man instantly became the coolest person I've ever met. He was
sent by God himself to allow us to see this movie, and with this as proof,
I believe God to have a great sense of humor, and to be a Kevin Smith fan.
Anywho, the bitch gets busy, the guy lets us in, and Bickety Bam!, instant
summer fulfillment. This movie was everything I hoped it would be, and
more. There were so many in-jokes, and gags, and just all around awesomeness
that I am still giddy, a whole day later. Kevin Smith made this movie for
the geeky fans like me and my friends, because he was once one of us, and
knew just what we would want. Kevin Smith, you are the master of film.
And Jackson is an ignorant slut. The end. Snoogans.
Go to The Babble
That Was The First "Guest Speakers" Column
Go to The Not-Babble
That Was The Point/Counterpoint on "Planet of the Apes"
Go to Fuv and
Jackson's reviews of "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back"
Go to Fuv's
Review of "Ocean's 11" and Jackson's letter to Antonio Atacan
Go to Lola's Debut Article on Avril Lavigne
Go to The Emo Point/Counterpoint
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