reviews
in the shadow of the eagle's wing
play time
lucifer rising
eight ball, corner pocket
tropical storm
the price of innocence
heat in the desert
hurricane watch
i do
long fall of shadows
surfacing
the kink and how to work it
incidental tourist
euphemism hall of fame
ewok's picks
nancy's picks
biographies
email us
by JL Peterson
http://www.xenafan.com/fiction/content5/incidentaljlpeterson.html
SYNOPSIS:
| A girl from the midwest arrives for a two week visit to sunny California, meets a gorgeous tall brunette with an unusual occupation, and proceeds to give us a tour of Southern California. Somewhere along the line someone gets killed. |
NANCY:
|
Now THIS could be the future of fanfiction! I don't know why there aren't more of these. In true multimedia style this story has links to illustrate different things as the story moves along, such as LAX airport, Venice Beach, the BMW the character is driving, just to name a few.
It's a pity that this story does not come close to meeting the potential of its own concept. Within two pages it falls victim to the "their eyes spoke volumes" syndrome, a yawn inducing instant attraction between our two uber heroines. Why destroy any sexual tension straight off the bat? In any case, when they do get around to telling each other they're in love, they just dont stop. Every second sentence is a love declaration of some kind. Nauseating in parts. The story meanders along at a fairly slow pace, desperately itching for someone to come along and cut half the explanation out and add more exposition. Actually a bit of characterisation and plot wouldn't go astray either. But these links are just hilarious. After countless fanfictions describing countless different types of restaurants and fabulous food, finally a story that gives us the menu! Want to know more about the author of that novel the character is reading? Well, jump to the author's website. Know what Universal studios looks like? Check it out! It's a pity though that the jumps all over the place overpower the narrative. I kept getting the temptation to surf off rather than returning for the rest of the story. The descriptions of the BMW were far more enthralling. Equal parts Californian guide book, Xenafic and series of links for a miscellany of bizarre subjects, this story is worth checking out for the novelty value alone. Of course, since it's being posted in parts, I haven't yet read the end, if there ever is one. Just one last little kick in the teeth really. |
NANCY:
| 4 out of 10, mainly because I now have the URL to a fabulous website on BMW sportscars :-) But I would recommend waiting to see if an ending will be posted before you invest time and energy in reading the first four parts. |