Jay's
Poetry
Page 3
gnarly waves
only one unit away
from ground zero space-time
begin to break
before my eyes
a churning mass hurtles at me
I prepare to be engulfed
shutting down all the mechanisms of my being
but my eyes are caught
when the sky opens
and become crystal clear
I stare into the vastness
like a grain of sand
at the ocean's edge
I feel dwarfed
I'm a molecule
concentrating survival
in ever-shrinking quanta
heading toward greater insignificance
I disappear into reasonlessness
a grain of sand
falling to the bottom of a great sea
I reappear with a storm of questions
furiously figuring out
why I am and can be
I ride my current thoughts
like a surfer
on gnarly waves
one unit away from ground zero space-time
and a dawning begins to break
between my eyes
I'm afraid
of loving too deeply
I'm afraid of opening up
old wounds
that took so long to heal
it took this long
to feel again
the touch of love so deep
it reached into my heart
once again
and the fear rises up
mixed with the steam of passion
I feel it scald my senses
love and fear intertwine
and do their dance
upon my soul
my feet begin to wonder
whether to run
or take this chance
my mind begins to wander
flitting this way and that
thinking through a thousand reasons
in this season of pleasin' and teasin'
my body begins to shudder
and my heart to flutter
while I stutter and stammer
and stumble through feelings
that don't have any ceilings
I go through the roof
without needing proof
that love will stay
or fade away
or find me falling
once again
in the jargon barking stomping grounds
of stupid sounds
out of the dirt of hurt and pain
against the grain
(I fall again)
into the pit of vipers
snipers taking aim
sniveling and snickering
low-life degenerates
loud-mouthed inconsiderates
fouling the air without a care
as to who gets hit
with their blathering bullshit
non-stop verbal assault
words frothing like spit
from the sides of their lips
bouncing off the walls
the dirty cat-calls
of Bud-drinking beer bellies
smelly-breathed and cackling
tackling sports drama
teevee small talk
small-minded football brained
energy drained one track
go-go eyed snide remarks
barks about sex
and expects a laugh
to reward his wit
these words like spit
so cheap and callous
the phallus posed
in macho stance
rants and raves
and pants and plays
in ways so rude
so misconstrued
this sense of delight
that likes to fight
and fill this space
with filth and waste
of words and warlike
confrontational interactions
these splintered factions
of subhuman perversities
that thrive on adversities
to reactions that fulfill
the strangely cultivated needs
of a fractured society
that has captured sobriety
and placed it upon
the endangered species list
my life is about communion
about connecting
in as deep a way as possible
and you sitting next to me
brings that home loud and clear
because I feel your closed space
the fear you wear like a long dress
the fear you wear in your cold stare
unable to smile
your body language
closed like a prison cell
unable to look
and see through my eyes
I smell your fear
rising like the stench
of dirty streets
locked up like a closed shop
your lips padlocked
from communicating
with a gentle invite
from friendly eyes
you don't know who you are
because you're afraid to be alone
you're doomed to dysfunctional coupling
chasing down different parts
of what looks like
your perfect love
but you don't love yourself that much
you're incapable
of loving anyone else
past that certain cutoff point
it feels great until then
when the edges begin to unravel
you can hear it
in your own voice
the bicker and blame
the anger and hurt
hurled across the room
like dishes breaking
you shatter love
into a thousand sharp splinters
and two hearts
lie on the floor
bleeding and wounded
one more messy affair
bleeds into the next
you sleepwalk through your nightmares
year after year
without coming up for air
the stale odor of unwashed laundry
in the corner with the cobwebs
emotional issues stacked
like dirty plates
in the clogged sink
you call love
and before you see your face
in the reflection of gray water
you pick up those plates
and smash them
in honor of your lover
because tomorrow
and around the corner
are clean plates and other lovers
in yet another bus station
traveling yet another destination
inspirational places
to set down another bundle of thoughts
I'm caught in the middle of a morning
waiting for the connections
I'm linking up my trains of thought
riding on the inner subway
paths to rhyme and reason
I'm leaving the clatter of this crowded room
in search of the solace of serenity
that hides behind the boarding gate
I wait to leave this sterile environment
and not to be under the scrutiny
of these operating room lights
that blaze from the ceiling
dissecting my attention
into a thousand staring strangers
straining against the artificiality
of having been thrust together
for no other reason
other than to wait to leave
impatient feet that bounce and pace
like animals not quite caged
but confined nonetheless
to this large cubicle
a curious theme park
of captured humans
stalking their freedom
traveling in search
of elusive dreams
to prey upon
to feed the appetite of the soul
and so waiting here
feeds me once again
I'm nourished by another bundle
of thoughts thrown together
like strangers at a station
connected only by their mutual waiting
thoughts waiting for connections
to bring me back home
POETRY
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Jay (aka Jay Dreaming, J. bones, Jay Sun, John Daniel Fattorosi)
email: jaybones@usit.net