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I have been experiencing a lot of stress over the last few years, especially the worst when my wife almost died from a ruptured aneurysm in her brain. Although I did not know it at the time, I was going through tremendous strain, what with constantly not knowing if she would live or die, and if she did live, how well she would be after rehabilitation. My career was also at a crossroad, as the line of work I was in did not allow me to move elsewhere in the event that the position was made redundant. Furthermore, I had to make sure that I had a secure job to support the both of us. On top of all that, I felt this force within me that kept pushing me to do the right thing and appear strong and in control for everyone else.
I felt that all of these factors were the catalyst for needing to feel the old familiar feelings of being totally comfortable and the only way to do this was to start dressing up again. Slowly, I started collecting bits of feminine things, like lingerie, hosiery, woman's clothing like blouses, skirts and dresses, on to shoes, wigs and finally makeup. I had to procure breast forms and also proper hip paddings to allow me to achieve the feminine shape I wanted. Since I was alone at home (my wife was in rehab. at the time), I started to dress myself partially in women clothing at any opportunity, but never completely until about 18 months ago
On that fateful day, after finally procuring my Veronica hip paddings from overseas, I got fully dressed up to see how it all looked together. The most amazing vision appeared before me in front of the mirror, as staring back at me, was the most stunning woman I have ever laid eyes on. I was completely taken by what I saw in the mirror. I could not believe that I could look so feminine, and so very attractive at the same time. The thought that I had gone through 35 years without knowing, brought me to tears instantaneously. As the tears rolled down my cheeks, I felt a mixture of joy and relief for discovering what I have been missing all these years, the girl I have always been. The song that came to my mind was 'Never been to me' by Charlene and then 'Sarah' by Starship. That was when I gave myself a new name of 'Sarah'. I was finally home. From that day, I vowed that I would not waste another day again, and that I had to share this with the people close to me, which includes my wife and my parents, but that's another story.
NOTE: This effect, as I have shared with many others is deemed as the 'Speeding train crash' effect. The initial sight of myself en femme, was like a steam train locomotive hitting me. And just like a train crash, the carriages of the train are still moving and crashing long after the initial collision had occured.
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