I have had to miss the dance

SUMMARY: My own addition to Endgame. I swore when I watched it that I wouldn't dignify the C/7 crap with a story. But Captain Janeway wouldn't get out of my head. She chattered in the back of my mind, demanding to be heard. So, here it is, Kathryn. Now give me some peace and quiet!

RATING: NC-17 - to be on the safe side.

DISCLAIMER: Paramount certainly doesn't deserve them! But they own them nonetheless. Though I don't imagine they'd want this Janeway, or this story for that matter. Seven doesn't feature in it. She's not sleeping with me.

The song lyrics belong to Garth Brooks and Celine Dion.

~ This story is dedicated to Kate Mulgrew, who will never read it, but without a doubt inspired it. She may not have cured cancer with her perfect performance in the finale, but she certainly touched my life. Thank you, Kate!

I'd Have Had to Miss the Dance…part two

Looking back on the memories of

The dance we shared beneath the stars above,

For a moment, all the world was right.

How could I have known

That you'd ever say Goodbye?

I'm glad I didn't know,

The way it all would end,

The way it all would go.

Our lives are better left to chance.

I could've missed the pain.

But I'd have had to miss the dance.

Holding you, I held everything.

For a moment, wasn't I a King?

If I'd only known, how the King would fall

Hey, who's to say?

You know, I might have changed it all.

I'm glad I didn't know

The way it all would end,

The way it all would go.

Our lives are better left to chance.

I could've missed the pain

But I'd have had to miss the dance.

~ Garth Brooks

When Captain Janeway woke that morning, Chakotay had already gone, as she knew he would. As saddened as she was to see the empty spot he had been in only an hour before, she was grateful for the solitude, and for not having to face an emotional goodbye this morning.

She turned to see a single red rose placed carefully across the pillow, and a small paper folded neatly beneath it. She smiled softly to herself at his romantic nature. With slightly trembling hands, she unfolded the paper to see Chakotay's tidy penmanship. He hadn't used a PADD, too impersonal. He'd actually taken time to hand write this for her.

Kathryn ~

I've realized that I've been neglecting my best friend lately. What'd you say? Feel like giving me a chance to remedy the situation? Lunch in the mess hall, perhaps? I have enough replicator rations, so we won't have to subject ourselves to what Chell calls food. Say 1300 hours?

Chakotay

Janeway brushed her hand softly across the words and smiled. A lunch invitation - Chakotay's way of letting her know that their friendship would continue, and that he had said his goodbyes and made his peace. Oddly enough, Kathryn realized that she was at peace now as well. And lunch with her old friend sounded wonderful!

What occurred between them last night would never be discussed, but would always be remembered. And Kathryn found that she was looking forward to moving on with her life, and getting her crew home. She rose and headed to the sonic shower, a slight spring in her step that hadn't been there for a very long time, and then she paused as thoughts of Admiral Janeway suddenly popped into her head. This all happened because of her, because of her talk with Chakotay. Kathryn instantly felt a sense of fondness for the older version of herself.

She plucked her combadge from the nightstand and opened a channel. "Janeway to … well… to Janeway." She chuckled.

It was difficult not to laugh at the absurdity of her own voice coming back at her through the communicator. "Good morning, Captain. I trust you slept well?"

Audacious woman! "Quite well, Admiral. Thank you."

"What can I do for you?"

Kathryn smiled to herself. Even in the future she still prefers to cut to the chase. "I'm hoping you're free to meet me in my ready room. I believe we have a trip to plan."

"I'm on my way." She answered.

"And Admiral…" Kathryn continued. "Thank you - for everything."

There was a beat of silence on the other end, and then the Admiral's slightly wavering voice filtered through. "No, Captain. Thank you."

*~*~*~*

The trip home was an adventurous one to say the least. But they'd made it. All of them. That is to say - all of them except the Admiral. She had made the ultimate sacrifice for her crew, even if they weren't her crew anymore. She'd given her life to get them home safely. And she'd given her younger self a chance at the life she herself had never known. One where she could let herself love another.

Kathryn found that her newfound peace with Chakotay made their lives amazingly easier. The first few days after their homecoming were hectic to say the least, and she needed her first officer beside her. She was grateful for his quiet support and consistency. And though there were more than a few moments where their eyes met, and she knew they were both recalling their night together, there was no sadness, no pain. Just a slight twinkle and a knowing glance. An acknowledgement that they had shared something sacred, something unforgettable. And Kathryn knew that they would both carry the memory with them, a part of them always together no matter where their separate lives took them. The knowledge made her strong, and gave her the courage to embrace her new life in the Alpha Quadrant. And judging from the obvious closeness between Seven and Chakotay, it had done the same for him.

As Captain Kathryn Janeway sat down to do yet another press interview and graciously accept accolades about Voyager and her famous crew, she uttered a silent thank you to the Admiral for throwing protocol to the wind and following her heart. Perhaps she had taught her younger self how to do just that - follow her heart. Wherever it would lead her.

*~*~*~*

She stood in the coffee shop and watched as another clip of the brave Captain Janeway was shown on the vid screen. She had to admit, Kathryn looked like she'd been knocked around more than her fair share in the Delta Quadrant. But her command presence shown through nonetheless, and she felt pride swelling inside her as she watched. She found herself being transported right into Kathryn's incredible journey. Until a voice drug her back to the present…

"Phoebe Janeway! I haven't seen you in months! Where have you been hiding yourself, young lady?"

Phoebe rolled her eyes. "Oh, Mark. I'm hardly young anymore. And when did I ever claim to be a lady?"

Mark Johnson chuckled and laid a hand on her shoulder. "Well, I've always considered you one. And as for not being young anymore, I don't feel bad for you. What is it with you Janeways anyway? You don't seem to age like the rest of us. I've been gray for years."

Phoebe laughed at the compliment. "You're not gray, Mark. You're distinguished."

Now Mark was the one with rolling eyes. "Yeah, right. Tell that to my ex-wife."

They embraced, and then Phoebe motioned for him to join her. The waitress scuttled over and brought them a pot of the house coffee, and the warm scent permeated the air between them.

"How is the ex anyway?"

"Fine." He said neutrally. "She's fine. Getting remarried next month actually. Imagine her fiancé's reaction when she wanted to invite me!"

Phoebe knew that Mark's marriage had not survived the news that Kathryn was still alive. They had been newlyweds really, when Voyager's holographic doctor had made his way into the Alpha Quadrant and announced that Voyager and her crew were alive and well. Phoebe had secretly suspected that Mark never really got over her sister, but had forced himself to go on with his life when she was declared dead by Starfleet. How do you get over the woman you have loved since you were a teenager? Mark had been in love with Kathryn for as long as Phoebe could recall.

Another factor that supported Phoebe's belief was the ease with which Mark had accepted his wife's leaving. "It was bound to happen." He'd said. "We parted amicably. I still consider her a friend."

Phoebe was about to ask him about his love life, forward individual that she was, but before she could utter the words, she realized that Mark's eyes were firmly fixed on the image of Kathryn on the large screen. She was in civilian clothing this time, a rare sight where Kathryn was concerned. And her shining reddish hair was swept casually to one side and cascaded around her shoulders. She dropped her head to one side and laughed at something the interviewer had said, and her rich voice carried throughout the small coffee shop. Phoebe had to admit, her sister looked beautiful, even radiant. She had aged some, but not a lot, and she wore it with a grace that Phoebe had never possessed.

"You did it, Kath." He muttered softly. "You made it home, just like you said you would."

"She looks great, doesn't she?" she asked.

Mark looked stunned, even a little embarrassed, like he'd been caught peeping through someone's window or something. His masculine cheeks flushed a charming shade of red as he averted his eyes. "Yes … she does."

Phoebe silently congratulated herself for not laughing aloud. His reaction was so school-boyish. Mark had obviously not changed much in all this time. "Have you seen her yet?" she prodded.

Mark shook his head. "Only the news vids."

"Well, what are you waiting for?"

"I don't know." He warbled. His eyes once again seeking out the image of Kathryn's face "I just wasn't sure it was appropriate. I mean, what would I say? 'Hello, Kath. It's good to see you. By the way, I never stopped loving you, and I'm divorced. Wanna go out?'"

Phoebe ignored his babbling admission of love, he seemed uncomfortable enough without her pointing it out. Instead, she focused on the one thing she knew might ease his fears a bit. "Oh, she already knows you're divorced, Mark."

His eyes widened and he looked at Phoebe. "She does? How?"

Phoebe shrugged. "I told her. Mom and I came to San Francisco the day they arrived to spend the week with her. She asked how you were doing, and I told her."

An impish tugged at the corners of Mark's lips. "She … asked about me? Really?"

"No, I'm making it up." Phoebe rolled her eyes and punched him playfully in the arm. "Of course she asked about you! That first day, in fact."

"What did she say when you told her about my divorce?" he prodded, soaking it up like a dehydrated sponge.

Phoebe grinned at his eagerness. Kathryn was a lucky woman, and she intended to tell her so. "Well, after Mom reassured her that you were all right and not all broken up and rotting, she just sort of got that crooked grin on her face, raised an eyebrow and said, 'Hmm. Perhaps I should pay him a visit.'"

Mark shot her a scolding glance. "Don't toy with me here, Phoebe."

Phoebe returned his glance with an indignant glare. "Oh, Mark! I'm not that willful child you once knew. I wouldn't play with your affections like that. I'm just telling you the way it is. I want my sister to be happy. She's lost enough in her life, you know that."

A sad expression washed across Mark's handsome face. "Yes, I know she has."

Phoebe took Mark gently by the hand. "I know she'd love to see you. The welcome home reception is tomorrow night at Starfleet Command. Why don't you come with us?"

"I don't know…" he hesitated nervously.

"Now, Mark. When have you ever known a Janeway to take no for an answer?" She flashed him a charming smile. "Come on. Don't make me beg. It'll just embarrass us both. And you know I'll do it."

Mark laughed and shook his head. "Okay, okay. I'll come. But for now, I'd better go get some rest. If I'm going to spend an evening in the company of three Janeway females, I'll need to be on my toes!"

*~*~*~*

The reception honoring the Voyager crew was a gala affair. One of the most elegant Kathryn Janeway had seen in all of her career, in fact. The huge ballroom glistened with fine crystal and soft white lighting. And the music was a seductive mixture of a lively beat and smooth, relaxing melodies. Janeway found herself intoxicated by the whole thing. Of course, that may've had something to do with the fact that she was already on her third glass of champagne. She just couldn't help it. She was standing on Earth drinking non-replicated champagne and surrounded by her crew - all of them. She'd seen them each reunited with their friends and family, and she'd even eaten an entire batch of her mother's caramel brownies. She couldn't remember a time when life tasted sweeter.

"Captain Janeway, you look absolutely lovely." Kathryn turned to see the beaming eyes of Voyager's doctor. He had already been offered a position at Starfleet medical, and his joy showed throughout his holographic face.

"Hello, Doctor." Janeway grinned, stepping into his waiting embrace. "You look rather dashing yourself."

The doctor released her and straightened his bow tie. "Well, I thank you. Of course, for me it's a simple tweak of the holo-emitter."

Kathryn allowed herself to be escorted around the room by her dear, holographic friend, and found herself thoroughly enjoying mingling with the partygoers.

She was delighted to see Tuvok, fully recovered from the degenerative disorder he had kept such a secret, enter with T'Pel. Kathryn swore that the Vulcan women looked just as she had before Voyager left for the badlands. Didn't she age at all? It appeared that gravity had not yet had its way with her. How would it be? This prompted a long-winded dissertation from the doctor on the physiology of Vulcan aging, much to Janeway's dismay.

Janeway failed to suppress an amused grin when Tom Paris approached her and bowed before her as if she were a medieval princess. "Captain, may I have the honor of a dance?"

Kathryn shot a quick glance at B'Elanna, who nodded her consent with a coy smile. "You may, indeed, Mr. Paris." She said, taking the hand he offered. "Just don't try any of that fancy footwork I saw you doing earlier. I'm not as young as I used to be, you know."

Tom smiled affectionately at her. "Well you certainly look it tonight, Captain. That green dress is very … um … arousing."

She raised a flirtatious eyebrow and slapped him playfully on the chest. "If I didn't know better, I'd think you were flirting with me, Tom."

"Well, maybe I am." He teased. "Now that you can't throw me out an airlock."

"There may not be an airlock nearby. But I know a certain feisty Klingon who'd make being jettisoned into the vacuum of space seem like a walk in the park."

Tom chuckled and winked at Janeway. "I'm married, Captain. Not blind. You really do look incredible tonight." He looked intently at her. "You look like the weight of the galaxy has been taken off your shoulders."

She nodded gently. "That's because it has. Seeing myself from the future, bitter and cynical, was a real wake up call for me, Tom. The Admiral and I were like two extremes of the same person. And when we finally met in the middle, I realized that I needed more in my life than protocol and Starfleet. She did me a great favor."

"She did us all a great favor." Tom added. "You mean a lot to this crew, Captain. It's good to see you so happy and relaxed. That means as much to us as the fact that you got us home."

"Thank you, Lieutenant." She responded tearfully as he whirled her around the dance floor. "That means a great deal to me."

"So what are your plans now that you don't have an unknown quadrant to conquer?" he grinned.

"I don't know. Starfleet has pretty much offered me the whole gamut. Anything I want." She brushed a lock of hair behind her ear. "But I think I'll take something locally for a while. Keep my feet on the ground and get my land legs back."

Paris looked surprised. "Really? No more deep space missions for the intrepid captain?"

Janeway giggled with amusement. "Let's just say I've seen enough of deep space to last me a life time. Oh, I know I'll go up again someday. I've always been drawn to the stars. But for now, I think I'd like to settle down for a while, catch my breath so to speak."

"I can understand that." Tom returned. "B'Elanna and I have agreed to stay planet side for a while too. At least while Miral is little. She needs to be around her family. So I'm glad to hear that her Aunt Kathryn will be around to visit."

"Absolutely!" she enthused. "Maybe even baby-sit occasionally."

Before Tom could whip off a smart remark about Janeway holding a baby and changing diapers, he caught the sight of Gretchen Janeway entering the room. "Look, Captain." he nodded toward her. "You've got guests."

Janeway turned to see her mother and Phoebe striding toward her. And then she froze as she saw the third member of the Janeway party. Her jaw hit the floor, and she barely managed to whisper, "Mark?"

"What?" Tom asked.

"That's Mark." She answered absently. "The man I was engaged to before we left the Alpha Quadrant." She remained stationary, as if she were bolted to the floor.

Tom took his captain's arm and led her toward her family. He wasn't sure she had the presence of mind to do it herself. He stole a glance at the famous Mark Johnson, the one man to actually get a commitment out of Captain Janeway. An impressive distinction, Tom thought. And not a bad looking guy either.

As they approached the trio, Tom placed a hand on Janeway's lower back and gently pushed her toward them. He flashed them a warm smile. "Mrs. Janeway, Phoebe. It's a pleasure to see you again, ladies." He extended his hand to Mark. "Lieutenant Tom Paris." He said.

Mark took the offered hand and, not without considerable effort, tore his eyes away from Kathryn. "Mark Johnson. It's a pleasure to meet you, Lieutenant."

Kathryn embraced her mother and sister, and then turned her gaze toward Mark.

A slightly awkward silence wafted through the little group, and Paris took that as his cue to get the hell out of there. He turned to Kathryn. "Captain, thanks for the dance. You were very light on my feet."

Janeway managed to giggle and push him away playfully. Then he turned to the others. "If you'll excuse me, I better get back to my wife before she calls the babysitter for the hundredth time in an hour. Phoebe, a dance later?"

"Of course, Lieutenant." Phoebe grinned.

Paris nodded gallantly and then walked away. Phoebe immediately turned her eyes on Kathryn. "He's so charming, Kathryn. How did you handle being stuck on a ship with so many attractive men for all those years?"

Kathryn blushed at Phoebe's brashness, and tried to ignore the questioning glance she was getting from Mark. He obviously wanted to know the answer to that one too. "Oh, Phoebe! Grow up!" she scolded. "I was their Captain, not their prom date."

"Of course you were, dear." Toned in Gretchen Janeway. "You know your sister just likes to get your Irish up." She dropped a quick kiss on Kathryn's cheek and then, with a quick glance toward Mark, she took Phoebe firmly by the hand. "Come, Phoebe. Treat your mother to a glass of the bubbly. And then I want to say hello to Owen."

Kathryn flashed her mother a grateful smile. "See you in a bit, Mom."

"Of course you will, darling." She answered, and then without another word, she headed toward the bar with Phoebe in tow. And Kathryn found herself standing alone with Mark for the first time in almost a decade.

Mark swallowed his nervousness and offered her an affectionate smile. "Kath … my God. I can't believe it." He folded her into his arms and held her to him. "I thought I'd never see you again."

Kathryn fell unheeded into his embrace, and allowed herself to revel in the familiarity of it. The way his heart thudded beneath her ear, the long remembered feeling of his hands pressing on her back. She hadn't realized how much she'd missed it. "It's good to see you, too, Mark."

They stood there for several minutes, just holding on to each other and trying to digest the fact that they were not only in the same quadrant, but in the same room.

Finally, Mark pulled away slightly to take a good look at her, but even as he did, he kept a tight hold on one of her hands. His eyes traveled over her slender form, draped elegantly in a deep green satin dress that dipped low in the front, and even lower in the back. It was far from immodest, but nothing short of provocative. Of course, Mark had always thought that Kathryn could be seductive in a potato sack. She wore overtly feminine black heels on her otherwise bare feet, making her shapely legs look longer than they actually were. Her hair, now short he'd noticed, hung freely around her mostly bare shoulders and glistened a fiery red in the chandelier light.

"Gods, Kath…" he sighed. "You're even more beautiful than I remembered. How is that possible?"

Mark grinned as a girlish blush crept across her cheeks. "Careful, mister." She teased with a quirk of her eyebrow. "That kind of flattery could get you into trouble."

"I'm counting on it." He flirted back.

Standing there looking into the eyes of her former lover, Kathryn finally found the room over-crowded and suffocating. "I was thinking of taking a short walk along the beach. I could use some fresh air. Join me?"

Mark grinned like a kid on Christmas Eve. "I can think of nothing I'd like more."

"Nor can I." She smiled back, giving his hand a quick squeeze. Mark turned and began leading her through the crowd toward the door when suddenly another member of her crew stopped them.

Chakotay emerged from the crowd, Seven on his arm and a smile on his face. "Captain." he greeted. "You look terrific."

"Thank you." She said. "Chakotay, Seven of Nine, this is Mark Johnson. Mark this is my first officer, Commander Chakotay. And Voyager's astrometrics expert, Seven of Nine."

Mark smiled pleasantly and offered his hand to Chakotay. "It's an honor to meet you both. Welcome home."

"Thank you." Said Chakotay. His eyes dropped briefly to the joined hands of Kathryn and Mark, then rested on Kathryn's face. "You're not leaving the party before we get to share a dance are you, Captain? The night is young."

"Of course not." Kathryn said, surprised at how comfortable she was despite the circumstances. "I wouldn't let you off that easy, Chakotay. We're just stepping out for a breath of fresh air. It's a bit crowded in here."

"Yes." Agreed Seven, who looked decidedly less comfortable than the rest of them. "I did not anticipate such a large number of attendees at this function. It is … disconcerting."

Janeway gripped the woman's arm affectionately. "You're doing fine, Seven." She said. "Have a drink, and dance a little, hmmm? You're among friends here."

The former drone cocked her head to the side slightly and offered Janeway a small smile. "Thank you, Captain. Perhaps a glass of champagne will aid in reducing my anxiety."

Chakotay chuckled and patted her hand lovingly. "I think that means she's going to drink until she's comfortably numb." He nodded toward Kathryn and Mark. "Enjoy your walk. Find us when you return. The drinks are on me tonight."

"It's an open bar, Chakotay." Kathryn said with a wry grin.

"Good, because my boss is a miser." He teased, winking at Kathryn. "Seven years of service and all I got were a few replicator rations."

"That's because you lost all your credits repairing all the shuttles you crashed, Mister." She chuckled.

As Mark led her toward the door, and Chakotay lead Seven toward the bar, the command team exchanged a quick glance over their shoulders. Chakotay flashed Kathryn a knowing smile. They'd found peace between them, and could function as the close friends they'd always been. Chakotay's smile was an offer of reassurance, his encouragement for her to follow her heart, and she knew it. She nodded once, and then followed Mark out the door.

*~*~*~*

They'd walked for miles, lost in the cool night air and the company. They had seven years to catch up on, and the conversation flowed easily between them. Kathryn clung tightly to Mark's hand as he told her about how deeply he'd grieved when Voyager was lost and she was ripped from his life.

They'd finally reached a companionable silence, each taking in the presence of the other - something they never thought would happen again.

"I think I'd forgotten how beautiful it is here." Kathryn said wistfully. The California sky was uncharacteristically clear and the stars shined brightly against the blackness of the night. The waves lapped lazily on the shore, their hypnotic rhythm lulling Kathryn into a relaxed state the likes of which she hadn't known for many years.

There was no ship in orbit awaiting her return. No crew to oversee on shore leave, no hostile aliens threatening to invade or blow them into microfragments. And this wasn't some alien world in the far reaches of the Delta Quadrant. This was Kathryn Janeway's Earth. She was home at last.

She suddenly plopped down in the sand, party gown and all, and began tugging at her high-heeled shoes. Mark chuckled aloud.

"What are you doing, Kath?"

"What does it look like?" she said casually. "I'm taking off my shoes."

Taken aback by her uncharacteristic spontaneity, Mark stared at her like she'd grown another head. "Why?"

She cocked her head back and looked up at him. "Because it's been seven years since I felt San Francisco sand beneath my feet. So, the shoes have to go."

Made sense. Mark dropped down in the sand beside her and began removing his shoes, too. "That's the best reason I've ever heard."

She smiled flirtatiously at him. "Walk in the surf with me?"

"You'll get your gown wet. What about the party?"

A defiant twinkle glistened in her eyes. "To hell with the party."

"But your mother and Phoebe..."

"Will understand." She cut in. "They know how I hate these Starfleet functions."

"What about your dance with Commander Chakotay?" he teased, a bit of jealousy evident in his face.

Kathryn grew serious and took Mark's hand. "I had seven years to dance with Chakotay. I want to be here … with you."

She wasn't sure if Mark caught the double meaning in her words, but it was obvious they touched him regardless. He reached up and cupped her chin in his hand and slowly pulled her toward him.

"For seven long years I've longed to kiss you again." He whispered. "If you don't run away right now, I'm going to do it here on this beach under your stars."

Kathryn leaned closer to him, her eyes focused on his full lips. "I'm finished running, Mark. And I think seven years is long enough to wait. I've missed you so much."

"I've missed you too." He said softly.

Kathryn slid her hand into the thick hair on the back of his head and pulled him even closer. "Don't tell me." She whispered breathlessly. "Show me."

Mark closed the small space between them and covered her lips with his. Kathryn moaned into his mouth as his tongue pushed between her teeth and his arms pulled her into a tight embrace. The feeling of his mouth on hers, the scent of his musky cologne, and the taste of him. It was so familiar, yet completely new. It sent her senses reeling as the memories of their life together, of how deeply she loved him, all came flooding back to her. And she found herself wondering how she ever survived without him.

Mark's lips took on a mind of their own and began a journey down her slim neck, remembering with ease the way she loved to be kissed there. He was rewarded with a throaty moan from Kathryn as he nipped at her creamy flesh. "Remember how you used to love this?" he whispered.

"It's all coming back to me." She panted.

Mark pulled away to look into her eyes. "And have you come back to me, Kath?"

"The responsible thing to do would be to take it slowly." She said, her hand snaking under his shirt so she could feel the warmth of his flesh.

"Of course." He grinned, his hands beginning their own journey down her body.

"I mean, it would be impulsive and adolescent to jump right into a relationship, especially a sexual one." She pulled his shirt up and brought her lips to his chest.

"I agree." He gasped. "We should take it slow. Maybe go on a date or two, see how it goes…" His hands moved to the zipper of her dress and pulled it slowly downward, exposing the silky flesh of her back to his touch.

"We'll start the Take It Slow Plan tomorrow." She said, taking in a sharp breath of air as his hand made contact with her bare breast. "Tonight doesn't count."

There were nights when the wind was so cold

That my body froze in bed

If I just listened to it right outside the window.

There were days when the sun was so cruel

All my tears turned to dust

And I just knew my eyes were drying out forever.

I finished crying in the instant that you left.

And I can't remember when or where or how.

And I banished every memory you and I had ever made…

Then you touch me like this,

And you hold me like that.

I just have to admit that it's all coming back to me

When I kiss you like this,

And if you whisper like that.

It was lost long ago

But it's all coming back to me.

You were history with the slamming of the door

Can I make myself so strong again somehow?

And I never wasted any of my time on you since then.

But if I touch you like this,

And if you kiss me like that.

It was so long ago -

But it's all coming back to me.

If you forgive me all this -

If I forgive you all that.

If we forgive and forget…

And it's all coming back to me now.

*~*~*~*

"So…" Chakotay grinned, stuffing another piece of bread into his mouth. "How's Mark?"

A dreamy smile washed over Kathryn's face. "He's wonderful. And Seven? How is she?"

"She's great." He returned. "She misses you though. You really should try to visit once in a while, Kathryn."

"I know, I know." She said, sipping her coffee. "I've just been so busy. Between my classes at the Academy and all the traveling Mark likes to do, I haven't had much time to see anyone."

She was complaining, but her eyes twinkled with delight as she did. Chakotay smiled warmly at her. "You're happy. You're finally happy, aren't you?"

She raised an eyebrow in surprise, but recovered quickly. "Is it that obvious?" she grinned impishly.

"Yes." He said without hesitation. "You're practically radiating it." He laid his hand over hers gently. "It suits you. You look beautiful."

She rolled her eyes and tried to minimize the blush on her cheeks. "You're such a flirt, Chakotay. Don't you ever tire of saying that to me?"

"No." he said. "And I never will. We may have moved on with our lives, but that doesn't mean I can't appreciate the view now and then."

She chuckled softly. "Well that goes both ways, Mister. That gray in your hair is rather sexy. Makes you look regal."

Chakotay tapped his fingers to the soft music that wafted through the San Francisco restaurant. "You know, Kathryn, it occurs to me - you still owe me a dance."

She sat her coffee mug down and regarded him quizzically. "What are you talking about?"

"The homecoming reception, you promised me a dance, but you never came back."

Kathryn rolled her eyes. "Oh, Chakotay! That was almost a year ago."

"I know." He said seriously. "So I'd say you're way overdue." He rose to his feet and offered her his hand.

Kathryn hesitated momentarily, gazing at him warily.

"It's one dance."

"I've heard that before." She teased.

"Consider it my anniversary gift."

She arched a delicate eyebrow. "Anniversary?"

He took her hand and gently pulled her to her feet. "Our night together. It was a year ago today, Kathryn."

Her heart slammed in her chest at the very mention of that day. "I hadn't realized…"

"That's why I asked you to dinner today, just the two of us. You've gone on with your life and so have I. But I think we're allowed one day a year to remember, don't you?" He flashed her a charming grin. "I say we make it a tradition. Every year on this day, we have dinner and one dance."

A soft smile curled on Kathryn's lips as she remembered the events of that night. "I think Admiral Janeway would've liked that idea."

"And you?" he prodded.

She gave his hand a squeeze and headed toward the small dance floor. "I wouldn't miss it for the world. I wouldn't miss the dance."

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Okay people! Before you target your photon torpedoes to my co-ordinates or send email hate bombs, allow me to explain…

First off, I know that some of you are saying, "WHY?!?!? Why did you end it that way? Janeway with Mark and Chakotay with Seven!" Well, the answer is simple really. I wanted more closure than TPTB gave us. I wanted the anguish and the tears. I wanted J/C to admit that they loved each other at one time, even if it was too late. I wanted it acknowledged, spoken aloud! Not brushed under the proverbial carpet as though it never existed. And … well … frankly, I LIKE Mark!

Second - I know that Janeway would NEVER drink wine the night before she tries to steer her ship through a Borg-infested wormhole, or while there was a stranger on board (even if that stranger is a futuristic version of herself). In fact, I know Paramount's Janeway would never do most of the stuff I have her doing here. But this is MY Janeway, and I wanted her flawed. I wanted her to hurt and to bleed just like the rest of us. I think, all things considered, she was justified to get a little tipsy and take the edge off. She is HUMAN, after all.

Thirdly - I'd just like to point out that I'm not trying to make Admiral Janeway into some old spinster. TPTB did that fine on their own. I just wanted to give her a chance to face all of her demons, not just the ones that provided Seven more storyline. Who wouldn't want the chance to go back in their lives and fix the things they regret, the things that lessen living somehow? I loved Admiral Janeway, and I think her nobility would've beckoned her to do this.

And lastly - I know it was naughty of me to portray Captain Janeway sleeping with Chakotay and then falling into Mark's arms like a wooed schoolgirl only days later. I know that Kathryn would probably never do that. But damn it! She really got short-changed in the romance department. And in the finale she ended up all alone - TWICE! So in my universe - she gets to have her cake and eat it too. And I think she deserved every single bite! So sue me!

I truly loved this show, and I love these characters. Every damned one of them. Thank you, Voyager, for the incredible journey!

All feedback Ladychakotay@yahoo.com