I could easily write a book about us, it would be a true romance, not a battle field.

There is so much to fix, but so easily it would be…..  through clear communication.

There is nothing about you I do not accept, except not being you.

I remember this boy, cute as a button and full of confidence, manly enough to intrigue me..(and that is a big ask!)  We danced one night and he somehow achieved touching my heart in some way, still oblivious as to how…but did regardless. 

His face is clear as a photo in front of me, smile ear to ear and that “I’ve got you” smirk.  I long for that smile…….   After our first intriguing but short night, we met again by chance….????  Again difficult to win me over, but I couldn’t resist admittedly.  That was the night of the long walk down the promenade….geeeesh, must have been a couple of hours!!..  I lied about where my car was parked so I would not be in a compromising situation!!!...  We sat outside PJs on a bench seat, chatting about anything.  I thought it cute that his mobile phone was a piece of paper in his wallet…..  then I walked him home, well, decided not to go all the way after his effort!!!  Though very intriguing again!

We stopped a dozen times at least, every pole or bench he decided was a make out point.  Bragged about his car in between, then push me up against a pole for a “grind”!!!!  Making very sure I could feel he was “interested”!

But by the end after all that effort to no prevail…  he seemed a little lost.  Dare I tell him it was that time of the month and I was wearing huge protection, making me a little paranoid.

Though we were a little confused as to who had whose number, he had mine and thought it was up to him. 

But…noooooooo,……  never the less, every time I went to PJs I got a little excited and watched the door until I was too drunk to remember.

The casualness of it all was I found for comforting, in a strange way. 

Had many fun times with his best friend … but the next time I saw my boy, I was a little scattered to say the least, had come to the conclusion he was not going to arrive.   But did……  and was arrogant….. and so was I……  until it came to the crunch.

And from a distance he charmed the pants of me….literally!!!! Cutting in on my dance partner with confidence of a rogue.  Cheeky looks thrown in between comments… how could I resist!!!  And then a couple of fatal phone calls when he arrived home….. Though I had intended to take him back to my place,  I was at a loss…  some sleep would have been nice at that stage, but a determined little bugger he was… so early morning snooze was all we could muster… then talked, about shit, but it was really nice, I have never felt so comfortable in the morning after situation, held hands and talked…..  easily, without feeling obligation.  Then the dreaded moment of getting up!!  No sleep and facing his friends…HOW embarrassing!!!   And I stuttered, and made a goose of myself… and thought he really was gay, with his stance and footy shorts and slippers and no kiss good bye and for a little while there he lost me……  thought him an ass…..  didn’t receive a phone call………

I went about my own business for a few weeks, not forgetting him but also not very impressed and not at all tolerant of a man treating me that way, had a few dates, spent an all nighter with his friend talking rubbish and exchanging stories….  Then a phone call, I wasn’t sure about going out that night, but his friend who I had not met called, I’ll never know whether it was Jon or my boy who put him up to it, but never the less, it was enough encouragement for me…..  had a lovely night, all of us together, dancing and laughing and all sorts.  He got ill form drinking cowboys and decided it was time to leave, didn’t seem to against it when I insisted he was coming back to my place….

But did I get the jitters!!!>.. I was almost sober by the time we were home, and I had not had a man in my house let alone in my bed for quite some time….

I checked my emails and nervously chatted about downloading songs, he sat on the floor with his head against my knee…. Obviously buggered but also sensitive of my nervousness…just a little bit.  Until he lay down on the floor unable to stay awake… then I felt a little guilty!  Don’t remember the sex that night, it was still not big on my list back then.  But I remember the next day very clearly… we both woke early so as not to waste time !!   and all day, we talked, and made love and talked more.  I made him brunch… the first time I have cooked for any one in a long time…  didn’t know what he would like and what he wouldn’t so I just made a massive platter!!!  He seemed to enjoy…and then we made love and talked some more…. Actually I shouldn’t call it making love back then..it was just plain good sex!!!   And talked more, …it was starting to get a little dark, and I don’t know whether he was thinking same as me….  I didn’t want to get out of bed for fear of having to end it, ie he goes home and I stay here…..  it was awkward…..  then out of the blue and nervously, he asked me if I wanted to come to his place and watch a video.  How exciting!!!!... I remember the bubbles and the relief and feeling like a little kid but so comfortable!

Intermission, have to cry a little bit now.

Okey dokey….have it back together after a little distraction….  Noooooo not what you think.

A lovely night, but in the morning he was playing golf, and then it was kind of awkward, obviously both trying to think what the other was thinking….  He offered for me to stay until he came home, I still don’t know if that is what he wanted or not…. But ( I want to stay in bed and wait for you to come home right now!!!) I thought we may be pushing it to spend another night… though how nice it would have been to stay int hat bed and wait…  and I remember him saying how toey he was at golf that day, so maybe I would have been a welcome sight to his coming home,  sure he does not remember.

So I left, and he made the smart arse remark that he’d already called the taxi like he does with all the others….  But there was no nastiness in it at all, just macho ness……  in a cute way. 

So I went shopping..as I do….  And was on cloud nine for half the day, then I started sinking, wandering whether I would ever have that bliss again…….thinking that it was too easy, that it was too good for anything I could ever have…  how could it all be in one package, a friend, a no commitment, great sex, comfortable companionship, a partner fill in, a great guy….  Nope, I was just dreaming.  And then he called me at about 9pm, and I went through the roof,….. now that has got to be something good!! Not the kind of guy to dote or feel obliged, so calling was just because he wanted to talk to me!

From there our weekends became longer, bliss in fact, being lazy, talking lots, trying out all soughts of things in bed, finding more and more we liked about one another.

When we had blues….  Funny to think of it now…but I lost it because I couldn’t bare  not having those weekends….  Remember me begging to just screw me???!!!  Can’t believe it was ME saying those things….

But we had so much fun.

One night laying on the steps outside the Sheraton after we had ditched everyone and left my hand bag there in the effort to escape….   He said “Jude would love you” 

That was a little scary, beautiful and wonderful and now I know more, know him and his relationship with his family,it was probably the best compliment he could give…but back then it was a little serious for me to deal with, so I bolted up to the car park, with my boy at my heels….  And my goodness, what a thrill  to be completely careless and free///… even when the lift started moving and he was to lost to realize and pull up his pants!!!   Then when a guy got in and he tried to continue..!!!!  So funny, I thought I should be embarrassed, but he made me feel so care free I didn’t care at all….  Then getting to the car and couldn’t break in, so we made use of our time on the bonnet…..   wow……   excites me to think of the feeling and inhibition we had… the world was ours to do with what we wanted.   Every thing we did was fun whether we stayed home in bed, watched a video on your couch, pick you up after you’d been out with the boys….  Anything….. 

I’m getting too tired to write now, but I want to write so much….

O will continue…. And the times I want to write about most…..

There are many up to grand final day,

But after that, it is so detailed, how special you made me feel the most beautiful things in the world that were so simple but no one had ever made me feel that way, your gratefulness for everything I did, your enthusiasm for US,  surprising me with the trip to Lorne which just happens to be the very best weekend of my life.  How I bragged about you to my friends, used you as an example to tell people they should not put up with shit because they can have someone who was rough but then treats them like a princess… and every time I said it, it was with total conviction.. no doubts in my mind. 

If I was rich, I would fly to you right now just for a hug, and that would be enough for me to get through the next couple of weeks….

All we lack is communication…  the only thing.  I know that you need time with your friends, which I agree with and the only reason you think that is a problem is because you mistake my intentions when I explain something… completely.  I am sure there are more needs you have, but I have needs too, not impossible, very simple.

that's him

Sensuality

The Loving