We may not have any idea of how Mel's book is going along, but his lines are terrific. In the short time he's been a Llanviewite, he's wracked up a number of great lines for the Follies. Here are some of his best one liners, observations, and bits of conversations with OLTL's finest.

The Writer's Block

Kevin: You are computer literate?
Mel: It's a contradiction in terms, but yes. (Debbie)

Clint: The Sun is up another percentage point.
Mel: Oh, so the public loves exploding publishers, huh?
Clint: Well, apparently.
Mel: Well, look at it this way. Maybe Todd will blow himself up for the extra sales. (Debbie)

Becky Lee: [Drew] managed to get hitched up with this guy in Jackson, Mississippi, who'd come to Nastyville and not--not ended up being the next Hank Williams.
Mel: Gee, imagine that. A busted dream in Opryland. What are the odds? (Debbie)

Mel: You mean to tell me you would actually go into Manning's place and walk out of there with his little girl?
Dorian: She's Blair's little girl, too. And, yes.
Mel: Dorian, she's a human being, not an end table.
Dorian: She's going to be infinitely better off without Todd.
Mel: She loves Todd.
Dorian: Oh, she loves me, too. And it isn't as if she hasn't lived in my house before.
Mel: Oh? And when would you be living in it? It seems to me, once Todd got you arrested for kidnapping, you'd be in jail. (Debbie)

Mel and Patrick head for the courthouse for Kelly's sentencing:
Patrick: Let's take the back stairs. We can avoid the reporters.
Mel: Oh, the reporters. I won't take that personally. (Debbie)

Viki (on her visit with Todd): Oh, and of course, he was in a state of joy about how he scooped the Banner.
Mel: That wasn't a scoop. That was a smear. Lord Whiting's death--may his soul rest in torment--was long ago and far away. (Debbie)


A Romantic Interlude

Mel: For the last year and change, sex for me has been a religious experience. And I have been an atheist. (Debbie)

Dorian: Are you one of those men who falls fast and hard and then has second thoughts in the morning?
Mel: I'm lucky if I have a first thought.

Mel (to Dorian): Uh, oh. You're dressed to kill and I'm the only man in sight. (Debbie)

Mel (on men): Spring cleaning and intimacy don't come naturally. (Debbie)

Mel (on Dorian's reaction to losing the custody suit): That's the first convincing impression of a volcano I've ever seen. (Debbie)

Dorian: Actually, I'm a bit famished. How about you?
Mel: Metaphorically speaking? (Debbie)


A Question of Character

Viki: My family had a very, very difficult time because of me. And for their sake, I tried to put everything back together again just as quickly as possible. As a result, a lot of things were swept under the rug, so to speak.
Mel: That makes for a lumpy rug. (Debbie)

Clint: It seems that our former Mayor is trying to slither out from under a kidnapping charge this morning.
Mel: Wow. You think it'll stick? From what I hear, Alex Olanov is made of teflon. (Debbie)

Clint tells Mel about Todd's previous attempt to frame Patrick:
Mel: He who frames and runs away lives to frame another day. (Debbie)

Mel: Patrick told me a Thomas Kenneally had his Irish prison warden call you with these very same allegations.
Bo: Obviously Patrick trusts you.
Mel: Well, nobody's perfect. (Debbie)

Patrick: The only man who hates me more than Thomas Kenneally is Todd Manning.
Mel: Well, he certainly has carried the art of the grudge to new levels. But, see, the real bomber must certainly have to have known your secret. A secret that you and others went to great lengths to bury. Todd didn't create the Sun's reputation on his ability to do research. (Debbie)


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