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This article is just HILARIOUS! A friend of mine found this on the floor of a school bathroom one day and shared it with me, and it's hilarity at its finest. What the tract actually says is in black, and my comments are in red.
The cover
| Kids everywhere love to catch Pokémon
and train them to fight. The highly-charged Pikachu, fire-belching Charizard
*Burp* and scrappy Mewtwo battle their competitors for honor and “trainer badges.” They are found along with all the other Pokémon in video games, toys, a movie and everyone’s favorite—Pokémon: The Card Game. Not just any card game, THE Card Game. It’s really cool to collect Pokémon, study their strengths, and battle them against rival trainers. Kids try to capture each one to become the “number one Pokémon master in the world.” Playing in the Pokémon world is really fun. Or so says Nintendo... It’s too bad they are only pretend. They are?! How awesome it would be to have friends with special powers and strengths way beyond our own! Like the Super Friends! But wait! Have you ever thought about God and all the awesome power he must have? He made the huge oceans, immense solar system and billions of different people, all with his own hands. He even made you. Don't you remember what happened to Myuutsu when it found out it was created by someone else? Just like Mewtwo searched for his purpose in life (in the movie), God created you for a specific reason. To rebel against your creators and threaten the lives of many? There is one thing above all else he wants you to do in your quest. He wants you to meet his son, Jesus. So Myuutsu is God and it wants you to meet its son, Myuu?!
Jesus is really powerful too. He healed disease, raised people back to life and calmed violent storms. He’s even forgiven tough criminals and gang members and transformed them into nice people. Moon Healing Halation! The most awesome thing Jesus ever did was to come back to life. When Jesus chose to die on the cross to pay for our sins, his arch-enemy Satan [as cheesy Marvel villain] "I will thwart you, Satan! Feel the wrath of the Power Cosmic!" thought he could take over the world. But then Jesus rose from the grave with even greater power because death could not hold him. Jesus really beat Satan. Beat him bad. He didn't just beat him, he beat him BAD! Ooooooooh! Jesus Christ is the most powerful Master in the universe, I thought He-Man was the Master of the Universe...
and he lives in the hearts of all the people who trust in him. And each time a new person trusts him, his power goes into them! Like Arago and the Samurai Troopers' Yoroi? You can have the immense power and love of Jesus living in your heart, too. Your love will be so powerful that you will be able to do great things for God. Like tell other people about Jesus (train them), Train them!? I thought this pamphlet was for humans, not pets! and help his army grow even more. Mwa ha ha! Then when you die someday (which everybody does), Unless you're on Dragon Ball Z... Jesus will take you to heaven to live with him forever. Cool! [as valley girl] Mondo cool, man. Like, totally bodacious! For Jesus to live in your heart, just tell him you are sorry for the bad things you’ve done and thought about. Especially those things that hurt other people or their feelings. Those all make God unhappy, but he forgives us when we tell him we believe Jesus died and rose again. Yeah! You can do anything you want as long as you come in every now and then and say you're sorry. Go ahead, loot the mall. Rob your neighbor's grocery store! Assassinate a big political figure! As long as you apologize, it'll be OK. -_^ Jesus promises to come and live in your heart if you pray a prayer like this: "Christianity is the only religion, all others are Satan-worshippers." Something like that? Dear Jesus, I want you as my true Master. My true POKEMON master... I believe you died and rose again so I could be forgiven and have you live in my heart. Someday I will live with you in heaven for all eternity! Thank you, Jesus! Amen. In the Bible Jesus said: “I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all” (John 10:28-9). How can Pokemon be evil when a verse straight from the Bible obviously proves the holiness of the show (OK OK, I don't really believe that...) |
Pocket Monsters was not created by me. It was created by Satoshi Tajiri and the crew at TV-Tokyo. Pokemon is (c) Game Freak, Nintendo, 4Kids Productions, Hasbro, Bandai, and a ton of other companies. When you have a popular anime like Pokemon, lots of people own it so it's impossible to list every company who owns a piece of Pokemon. No infringement of copyrights is meant by the creation of the web site. All images were gotten from official websites (Nintendo, TV-Tokyo, etc.) unless otherwise noted (I don't steal images from other sites!).