| Work /
Career Lessons |
- A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the
butt.
- After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the
month than you did before.
- Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, because you are crunchy
and taste good with ketchup.
- Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be
promoted.
- Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse
will happen to you the rest of the day.
- Following the rules will not get the job done.
- Never argue with idiots. They drag you down to their level, then
beat you with experience.
- On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
- When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
|
| Prison Vs.
Work |
- In prison all expenses are paid by taxpayers.
vs. At work you pay all expenses to go to work. Then they deduct taxes from your salary to
pay for the prisoners.
- In prison there are wardens who are often sadistic.
vs. At work we have managers.
- In prison they allow your family and friends to visit.
vs. At work you cannot even speak to your family and friends.
- In prison they ball-and-chain you when you go somewhere.
vs. At work you are just ball-and-chained.
- In prison you can join many programs which you can leave at any
time.
vs. At work there are some programs you can never get out of.
- In prison you can watch TV and play games.
vs. At work you get fired for watching TV and playing games.
- In prison you get three meals a day.
vs. At work you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for that one.
- In prison you get time off for good behavior.
vs. At work you get rewarded for good behavior with more work.
- In prison you get your own loot.
vs. At work you have to share.
- In prison you spend most of your life looking through bars from the
inside wanting to get out.
vs. At work you spend most of your time wanting to get out and inside bars.
- In prison you spend the majority of your time in an 8 x 10 cell.
vs. At work you spend most of your time in a 6 x 8 cubicle.
|
| What
To Say If You're Caught Sleeping At Your Desk |
- In Jesus name, Amen.
- Dang! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution
to our biggest problem.
- I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related
stress.
- I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance.
- I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and
envisioning a new paradigm.
- Someone must have put decaf in the wrong pot.
- They told me at the blood bank this might happen.
- Whew! Guess I left the top off the White-Out. You probably got here
just in time!
|
|
|
