Testing :: Friday

*** FRIDAY - Crib-notes version: Steve is at first annoyed that Phil can take up so much of Adrienne's time, but eventually Steve himself manages to make some time with her. As with most of his life's short successes, Steve has no idea how to deal with this. ***

TITLE OVER:

Friday

INT. SHEARS TESTING CENTER - DAY

Steve is sitting at his terminal. On the back side of his placard, he has written, "Will Score Tests for Food." Steve happens to look up and again sees the Pregnant Woman raising her hand to an unresponsive Shilene. Steve quietly observes this situation for a few moments. Then he gets up from his seat and politely goes over to Shilene.

STEVE Excuse me, ma'am? (pointing to the PREGNANT WOMAN) I'm sorry to bother you, but I think that woman is going into labor. SHILENE What?? STEVE It's a mess. Water's broken and everything. SHILENE Oh my God, let me get over there!

Shilene rushes away. Steve smiles with the satisfaction of a job well done. At a far end of the room, Bill fumes and is mentally taking notes. At Adrienne's desk, she is being approached for the umpteenth time by Phil.

PHIL Adrienne, darling, could you come check out this response for me? ADRIENNE Phil, could I ask you to go to one of the other supervisors? I'm kind of backed up today. PHIL Honestly, dear, this won't take but a minute. ADRIENNE Oh, all right.

Adrienne comes around to Phil's terminal.

PHIL Here, have a seat.

Phil pats the empty chair beside him. Adrienne sits down.

PHIL (CONT'D) Now, I'm really torn by this response. I'd say it's a good solid "3". The child has fleshed out his details very well. Still, I wonder if I shouldn't bump it up to a "4." ADRIENNE But, Phil, this is just like the paper we went over earlier. If it doesn't include every time-line detail, you can't give it a "4". PHIL Well, normally I would agree with that, dear. But look at how he ended his response. It's got such nuance . . .

Steve, smoldering, observes all of this from his terminal. Jeff takes it all in.

JEFF Don't let it bother you, man. It's just not just her. He was in Shilene's group, but he kept pestering her so much, she asked to have him moved to another group. STEVE Yeah, but shouldn't a guy be embarrassed to pontificate that much? JEFF Don't you recognize the symptoms, man? It's "short man's syndrome." STEVE Huh? JEFF Seen it a million times. Those teeny guys, you know? The shorter they are, the more they swagger their shit around. Makes up for, I don't know, getting sand kicked in their face or something. STEVE Yeah, maybe you're right. Still, I can't wait for the day when I can use my age and my baldness and my utter lack of virility to slobber over some woman.

Jeff slaps Steve's back gently.

JEFF Your day will come, man.

EXT. SHEARS TESTING CENTER PARKING LOT - DAY

Steve is taking a walk around the lot on his lunch break. He is smoking a cigar and enjoying the scenery. Suddenly a sight makes him stop.

EXT. ADRIENNE'S CAR - DAY

Adrienne is sitting at the wheel and having an unpleasant conversation on her cell phone.

ADRIENNE What do you mean, she opens up to you? Of course I never opened up to you. You told me you needed your space . . . Yeah, yeah, right. The only way I could have gotten your attention is to show up on on of those Internet porn sites you frequent so much . . . Couldn't this at least have come up at dinner last night? God, you take me out and tell me you love me, and the next day I get a "Dear Jane" phone call ...Well, the two of you should get along great. I mean, you have so much in common. Like she's a bartender and you're an alcoholic ... Yeah, just have you and your stuff out of my place before I get home tonight . . . Don't worry about the key. I'll have the locks changed tomorrow. Have a nice life, Greg. (drops the phone on her car floorboard) Bastard.

Adrienne starts to sob pitifully. A cloud of smoke appears in her rear window, followed by Steve, who quietly approaches her front door.

STEVE Adrienne? I'm sorry if I'm being nosey, but . . .do you need any help with anything?

Adrienne looks at Steve and smiles dimly through her tears.

INT. BAR - NIGHT

Steve and Adrienne sit across from each other at a booth lit only by a candle.

ADRIENNE I guess I was just kidding myself, thinking things would get better with Greg. Hell, even the sex wasn't that great after a while.

Steve does a "too much information" wince and changes the subject.

STEVE Er, so, forgive me for being nosey again, but you start out as a social worker and end up as a testing supervisor? ADRIENNE Oh, yeah, my social services gig. That was more Greg's idea than mine. I didn't know what to do for a career, so Greg convinced me that I should save the world. So I go in there with the idea of helping these poor, underprivileged teenagers reach their maximum potential. Turns out, by the time I got to the little darlings, most of them had already peaked! So here I am, getting dumped on at work and at home. STEVE Well, you're not planning to do this testing stuff forever, are you? You seem like you've got too much going for you to do that. ADRIENNE Oh, you really flatter me. Truth is, ambition is overrated sometimes. I think I'm going to stick with this silly little job and just hide away from the world for a while.

Steve quietly shakes his head. Adrienne pulls out a cigarette and fumbles around in her purse for a lighter.

STEVE (extending his own lighter) Here, I got that.

Adrienne mock-blanches at the memory of Steve's fire incident.

ADRIENNE Get that outta my face, motherfucker!

Adrienne waits a beat and then laughs. Steve gets the joke and laughs as well. They continue whiling away the night -- joking, laughing, and drinking.

INT. ADRIENNE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT

We hear keys fumbling, then Steve and Adrienne enter her apartment, Steve doing the leading. He is a little drunk, but Adrienne is clearly plastered. She is all over Steve, who somewhat enjoys it but isn't quite sure how to take it.

STEVE Well, thanks for a terrific evening. I think I should go now, while my scruples and my clothes are still intact. ADRIENNE Aw, c'mon, you're not in any shape to drive. Stay with me a while. I'll fix ya up a place. You can sleep on the couch, (pointing to her bed) or there's this bed here. STEVE Uh-huh. And where do you sleep? ADRIENNE Oh, either one's fine with me!

Adrienne laughs drunkenly and pushes him to the bed, climbing on top of him. She gives him a deep kiss.

ADRIENNE (CONT'D) So, have you ever had a woman on top? STEVE No, lately it's just been my hand there. Listen, Adrienne, I gotta use the bathroom. ADRIENNE Oh, excuses, excuses! All right, you big coward, it's on the right in the hallway. Ya got two minutes and then I'm coming in after ya! STEVE Well, there's a visualization that should last me a while.

Adrienne falls back on the bed as Steve heads for the bathroom.

INT. ADRIENNE'S BATHROOM - NIGHT

Steve turns on the light. He looks in the mirror and winces. He pours some cold water, splashes it on his face, and gives himself a mental pep talk.

STEVE (V.O.) Okay, big fella, you know this is what you've wanted ever since you first laid eyes on her. And now she's throwing herself all over you. (pauses briefly) But I don't know...If she wants me because she's stinko, does it really count? It's like in Monopoly when you get the "Get Out of Jail Free" card. It's nice, but you know you'd rather get out of jail by rolling doubles. Doubles . . community chest . . . God, I'm more drunk than she is.

Steve returns to Adrienne's room and finds her passed out on the bed. He looks at her for a while, covers her with a blanket, and starts to leave discreetly. Before he goes, he gestures to her and then to the heavens as if to say, Am I doing the right thing?

***

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