Redneck Jokes#6

You might be a redneck if......

• You've totaled every car you've ever owned.
• Your mother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
• Every socket in your house breaks a fire code.
• There are more than five McDonald's bags currently on the floorboard of your car.
• You go to a family reunion to meet chicks.
• The Home Shopping operator recognizes your voice.
• There has ever been crime-scene tape on your bathroom door.
• You drive with your seat belt hanging out the door, dragging and sparking.
• You've ever barbecued spam on the grill.
• You have ever lost a tooth opening a beer bottle.
• Your mother ever got into a fistfight at a school sports event.
• You've ever been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.
• Your watchband is wider than any book you ever read.
• Your wife's hair doo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.
• You see no need to stop at rest stops'cause you have an empty milk jug in your car.
• You ever cut your grass and found a car.
• You think the stock market has a fence around it.
• You own a home that is mobile and 5 cars that aren't.
• Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Moonlight Drive-in Theater.
• Your wife has been on six talk shows talking about you.
• If you think fast food is hitting a deer going 100 miles an hour.
• If your family tree doesn't fork.
• If you've ever been too drunk to fish.
• If your richest relative buys a new house and you have to help him take the wheels off of it.
• If you refer to the 5th grade as your senior year.
• Your dad walks you to school because your in the same grade.
• If starting your car involves popping the hood.
• The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse.
• You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
• Last year you hid Easter eggs under cow pies. the same in-laws.
• You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.
• Jack Daniels makes your list of "Most Admired People.".
• You think Genitalia is an Italian airline.
• You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
• Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey, y'all watch this!".

  Last updated 01/31/05

  
  

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