Redneck Jokes#7

Things You Would Never Hear a Redneck Say

Checkmate!
I think I'll have a Becks.
That deer hear decor doen't look right in this room.
I went to walmart today and couldn't find a thing.
Go ahead and throw that chicken bone out,the dogs shouldn't want it.
Maybe I'll go to a salon to get my hair done today.
Hunter Orange makes your ass look big.
Don't spend any less then $20 on a side of beef.
Don't buy that! We have to get the brand name!
Maybe that 10 inch slice does need stitches.
No Dear, leave the pill bag at home. We'll only be a few hours!

........Just Redneck Jokes........

7 Word Obituary (T)
A woman from the deepest, most southern part of Alabama goes into the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased husband is written. The obit editor informs her that the fee for the obituary is 50 cents a word.

She pauses, reflects and then says, "Well, then, let it read, 'Billy Bob died'."

Amused at the woman's thrift, the editor says, "Sorry ma'am, there is a 7 word minimum on all obituaries."

Only a little flustered, she thinks things over and in a few seconds says, "In that case, let it read, 'Billy Bob died - 1983 Pick-up for sale.'"

Red Neck on the Jury (PG)
A guy was on trial for murder and if convicted, would get the electric chair. His brother found out that a redneck was on the jury and figured he would be the one to bribe. He told the redneck that he would be paid $10,000 if he could convince the rest of the jury to reduce the charge to manslaughter.

The jury was out an entire week and returned with a verdict of manslaughter.

After the trial, the brother went to the redneck's house, told him what a great job he had done and paid him the $10,000.

The redneck replied that it wasn't easy to convince the rest of the jury to change the charge to manslaughter. They all wanted to let him go.

Basic Skills Test (PG)
Why do our kids have to take the Iowa Test for Basic Skills? Why can't we have a Georgia Test of Basic Skills with questions like, "Bubba's got three cars and he done traded for two more. How many cement blocks is Bubba gonna need?".

Last updated 01/31/05