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Wild News

Any Fusco Brother's favorite reading material includes the Newark Newsmonger newspaper, most notably the "Comix" and "Sports" sections, and a tawdry selection of adult magazines. However, one periodical easily outshines these for sheer reading and browsing pleasure... this entirely fantastic publication is Wild News. The following is a sampling of some of the curious, bedazzling events chronicled within the pages of Dingleberry Street's most popular grocery store check-out aisle item.

  • Mt. Rushmore Grows Fifth Head Overnight - It's Jim Nabors!
  • Liberace's Ghost Terrorizes Sasquatch!
  • Elvis Spotted On Venus!!
  • Roseanne Barr Gives Birth To Squirrels!!
  • Sinatra Evaporates!
  • Ghost Of Nostradamus Haunts Danny Thomas!
  • Neptune Overrun By Brahma Bulls, NASA Confirms!
  • Cher's Secret Visit With Boris Yeltsin!
  • Homeowner Reveals: "Elvis Ate My House!"
  • Pig Performs Heimlich Maneuver On Ed McMahon!!
  • Statue Of Slim Whitman Found On Uranus!
  • UFO Tailgates Grandchild Of Elvis!!
  • Man Gives Birth To Clock Radio!
  • Demons From Hell Terrorize Cher!!
  • Ghost Of Trigger Haunts Zsa Zsa! And Vice Versa!
  • Elvis Spotted On Mars!
  • The Bigfoot Diet
  • Regis Philbin's Alien Love Child!
  • Psychic Predicts: Dan Quayle Out, Sonny Bono In!

(All apologies to J. C. Duffy)

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