Lizard King home for the elderly deranged...........
Part 8!!!!

After falling for about an hour and listening to the white rabbit wittering on about being late again, Kimmie grabbed it by the ears and was about to stuff a few leaves in its mouth when they landed with a soft bump at the bottom.
"Thank God for that" said Kimmie as she looked menacingly at the rabbit and stood up. A voice floated down from above..
"I am NOT coming down there, what do you want?"
"Helloooo?" called Kian back up the tunnel.
"You said to thank me, I wondered why. Always have to answer a call to my name you see, it's my job" said Rain peering down the tunnel.
"Oh, sorry about that" said Kimmie as she grabbed Kians arm and dragged her to a nearby door before Rain decided to throw missiles for a laugh.
Opening the door they stepped out into a cityscape.
"I'm sure THIS wasn't in Alice" muttered Kimmie.
"Oh really" said Kian sarcastically, so far she'd been beaten by The Chauffeur and Non-boobies dance girl and now Kimmie wanted fairy stories.
"Just because you wanted Snow White" said Kimie pointedly looking at Kians hair. Scowling Kian stepped out into the street, a blaring car horn had them jumping to the sidewalk.
"Where the hell are we?" asked Kimmie as she looked around frantically. A flash of white caught her eye as she spotted the white rabbit running off down the street.
"Follow the rabbit!" shouted Kimmie.
"Um...why?" asked Kian.
"Dunno...nothing better to do?" ventured Kimmie
"Oh...ok" sighed Kian. She was bored of all this running around, what had happened to the nice quiet life of resting in the LK Home? As they ran down the street they began to get more of a feel for the place.
Neon lights flashed continuously on and off, Elvis seemed to live nearby and the clacking of a million slot machines filled the air.
"Ummm... I think I know where we are" muttered Kimmie.
"I think you could be right" said Kian as the white rabbit reappeared with a sequined waistcoat, glitzy cowboy hat, aviator style sunglasses and a medallion. most oddly though it now seemed to be carrying a red ball.

CT and Gemini shook their heads in unison. Something strange was going on, surely they hadn't both dreamt the same thing while asleep? Flashing lights, Simon and Nick, they even met up with UKB and she hadn't been seen since the first chapter!
"Very odd dream that" said CT
"Yeah, I had one about Simons hair too" replied Gemini Girl
"Did you?? I'd only just started that dream before I woke up" mused CT as she eyed up the sugar coated grapefruit placed near their cage. although she hated sugared grapefruit as a rule, having been stuck in Richard Simmons cage for ages had given her an appetite.
"we must get out of here" said CT,
"Oh and tell me something I DON'T know" said Gemini Girl sarcastically
"Just making an observation" pouted CT.
As Gemini Girl tried to think of something to cheer up CT the biggest fluky coincidence this side of Planet Earth happened. A door on the far side of the giant kitchen opened up and in walked a giant Simon!
"Over here!" called Gemini Girl.
"Ohh..oohh" said CT as a realisation of what might else be giant on Simon crossed her mind.
"'Ello my lovelies" said Simon, "My now aren't you just the cutest things I ever saw" he smiled broadly as he opened the cage and opened his palm for CT and Gemini Girl to step onto it.
"I can see right up your nose" giggled Gemini Girl
"Ssshhh" said CT dramatically, "you'll have Georgeschick in here in no time if you go on about his nose"
"Ladies, please, less of the nasal gazing please, don't you think my eyes are much nicer eh?"
"Gorgeous" whispered CT in awe, "I could swim in them"
"Is it shallow enough though?" pondered Gemini Girl.
Before anymore of Simons features could be discussed the door opened again.
"Hey you!" shouted Richard Simmons angrily as he saw an interloper was nicking his captives.
"Oh oh" said Simon as he placed the girls down and turned to face Simmons.
"Now look here matey, I've survived a boat crash you know, I'm invincible"
"My hero" giggled CT
"Ok, less of the amateur dramatics" replied Gemini Girl.
"Darn, you are such a spoilsport" said CT as she stuffed the southern belle dress back in the trunk she'd just found.
"Thank you" said Gemini Girl as she turned back to watch Simon start to advance on Richard Simmons his fists raised.
"Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn" whispered CT defiantly "Pardon?" shot Gemini Girl back.
"Nothing" said CT as she smiled sweetly, the southern belle dress rustling in her hands behind her back.

The tussle between Simon and Simmons was over in 10 minutes. Richard Simmons caving as soon as Simon waved a shaver at the prolific hairy chest and springy hair. As Simmons ran screaming from the room, Simon turned to CT and Gemini and whisked them up into his hand. At this close proximity to their God both fainted, their nostrils filling with the over powering smell of giant aftershave had nothing to do with it!

Waking up, Gemini and CT looked around, car horns blared and an odd clacking kerching sound filled the air, but at least everything seemed normal size again.
"Hey, where are we?" asked Gemini
"Awwww.....where'd giant Simon go?" pouted CT
"I don't know, why do we want a giant Simon anyway? Kinda scary if you ask me"
"well, I dunno....you know....giant 'things'!!" mused CT
"Crystal Tears you are obsessed!" yelled Gemini as she tried to shake CT from her dreamy look.
Just then CT said "Ooohh look Elvis"
"Whaaaat??" asked Gemini thinking that CT really had lost her marbles now, but then she too saw a long eared Elvis running past them, carrying a red ball. As he passed them he looked and gave them a wink and said..
"Is there something 'I' should know??"
"Follow that rabbity Elvis!" shouted Gemini grabbing CT by the arm.
"Why???" asked CT as she grappled with her southern belle dress that she seemed to be wearing now.
"Boy...rabbit....Elvis....person with red ball...we must follow, it is our destiny!" she shouted as they started to run after the red ball carrying figure.

Georgeschick found herself in the toilets of Ye olde Worlde Inne. For 4 hours she had listened to Andy Bilbo Baggins Taylor talk about Sauron, evil, the ring and hairy feet. Legolas and Gandalf had atrophied and Tigress had stuck smiley faces all over her face to hide the fact that she was asleep.
Spying a window in a cubicle, she barged in front of a peasant woman with big teeth and hairy feet and clambered out.
Expecting to land in Ye Olde Worlde Inne garden, she was somewhat surprised to find herself on a city street. Cars beeped their horns as they sped by and neon lights flashed. Just then a white rabbit knocked past her as it scurried down the road.
"'Scuse me ma-am" it drawled in an Elvis lilt.
"What?" asked Georgeschick as she span to watch the receeding sparkly white rabbit. As she watched it go she was suddenly knocked over again.
"Oops, sorry" said Kimmie reaching out to pick her up.
"Kimmie? Kian?" asked a bewildered Georgeschick.
"Hey girl how ya doing?" beamed Kimmie.
"Um...fine although I am a bit confused, I think I'm hallucinating Elvis! Where are we?"
"Come on, we'll tell you on the way" said Kian laughing as they continued to chase the white rabbit.

TLM and NYC Girl had been wandering the tunnels for what seemed an age. TLMs squeaky trousers driving them both insane. NYC Girls idea of getting rid of the squeaky pants didn't wash with TLM, she wasn't taking her trousers off for anyone, Well, not in a dark tunnel anyway, unless his name started with "Si" and ended in "mon".
Again they came to a fork in the tunnel.
"Left or right?" sighed NYC Girl, they'd been choosing left or right for hours now, it could've even been months for all they knew.
So far they'd explored every theory and probability tree, but neither TLM or NYC Girl had paid much attention to the probability trees in maths at school so they hadn't got far.
"Oh I give up" said TLM "I may as well walk straight into the wall for all the good it's doing us!" she continued as she walked forward between the two branches of the tunnel. Strangely enough she didn't hit the wall.
"Hey, how'd you do that?" asked NYC Girl as TLM carried on further "into" the wall.
"Hey look at this!" yelled TLM as she found herself finally leaving the tunnels. Following NYC Girl saw that they'd come out onto a street.
"Must have been one of those damn optical illusions" cursed TLM
"All that time and we could have left when ever we wanted?" asked NYC Girl incredulously.
"But there wasn't a blue furry worm to tell US was there!" muttered TLM.
"What???" asked NYC Girl, the squeaky trousers had surely turned TLMs mind!
"Flippin' blue worm...Didn't you ever see Labyrinth?" asked TLM
"Um...no" replied NYC Girl
"No matter....just a film, but have you noticed how many film parallels our lives are taking now?"
"yeah, odd isn't it?!"
As they stood on the street corner, thankful to be free of the catacombes, TLM suddenly said
"Hey look....Elvis"

Miss November Tuesday, Lady Xanax, Greylady 7609 and John were still jumping up and down, so far Lady Xanax and Miss November Tuesday had worn out 2 pairs of shoes each! Their leg muscles were getting tired, but still they were compelled to jump as if controlled by an invisble force.
Just then Elvis walked past.
"What the..?!" shouted MNT over the loud bangs of the fireworks.
"Elvis?" asked Lady Xanax
As they mused about Elvis, it was John who noticed that he didn't have to jump anymore. Collapsing in a heap he was first to notice the flashing lights that they had thought were fireworks were now neon signs and car headlights.
In his awe at his surroundings he forgot to tell the other 3 that they could stop jumping. It was MNT who first saw John sat down.
"Hey, why aren't you jumping?" she demanded.
"No need" he smiled blissfully as he stretched out with his hands behind his head.
"Oh" said MNT as she too stopped jumping. one by one they all stopped and realised the NMOM set had gone and it now looked like they were in a normal street.
Just then a rabbity looking Elvis went by, followed by some familiar faces.
"Hey! I recognise them!" said MNT
"What, the white rabbit?" asked John incredulously, his fans were getting quite odd lately.
"Lets follow too!" said Lady Xanax, glad of some more exercise that didn't invlove jumping.
"Must we?" whined John
"YES!" they all replied as they pulled him to his feet and they began to follow the Elvis rabbit who now had quite a following.

Crevette, Jez, Anartica and LadyBlu were trying their best to learn to ride the horses. Surprisingly it had been easier that any of them had thought.
Secretly Crevette thought her horse was doing odd 'U' bend shapes to keep her in the saddle, but seeing as everyone elses seemed to have the "Slinky" look she thought it best to keep quiet on the matter.
"Right! a race!" said a confident Anartica.
"What??" asked the others, although secretly hoping they'd win anyway.
"A race...come on, it'll be fun. round those trees over there and back, last one back has to muck out the horses!"
So as they straightened up, Rain appeared with a starting pistol.
"Ready.....Steady......wait for it" she muttered at an over eager Jez, "GO!" she shouted as the starter pistol went off with a crack.
With Jezs jars jangling, Crevettes scythe getting tangled in the trees, Ladyblu clanging and jolting in her armour and Antartica feeling every jolt in a bone jarring skinny way, they "raced" as best as they could.
It was the sound of the horses hooves on the ground that finally alerted all 4 to the change in scenery. Suddenly a car horn blared at them from behind. With a disdainful look at the cars occupant, Crevettes horse lifted its tail and pooped on the bonnet.
"Hey!" shouted the driver as he started to get out of the car, but with a flick of their cloaks they laughed in his face and trotted off down the brightly neon lit highstreet.
People stopped to gawp at the 4 horsewomen of the apocalypse as they trailed a stream of traffic behind them.
"Ladies...I think we have arrived" said Crevette gleefully.

NicksViper was getting bored of all the "scenery"and there had been no sign of a fluffy hat to had anywhere. Just then she spied a wooden sign sticking up from the bushes. Coming closer she read -
"Pink Fuzzy Hats...this way" with an arrow pointing off to the left into the woods away from the path.
Shrugging, NicksViper fancing a bit of adventure, veered off into the woods.
Unnoticed by her, but not by a squirrel who was washing itself by the sign, the post began to giggle. With a squeal the squirrel leapt up onto NickVipers back.
Shrieking, NV tried to knock off her assailant and ran full pelt further into the woods. Finally dislodging the squirrel by asking it firmly but politely to "Get the fuck off me" NV found herself totally lost in the woods. It was dark and gloomy and there seemed to be no discernable paths to be seen anywhere. Sighing heavily she sat at the base of a large tree.
"Oohh. you don't wanna do that!" said a voice.
"What?" asked NV annoyed.
"Don't lean on the tree" said the squirrel as it stepped into view.
"Oh great, talking flowers, a lying bitch flower at that I might add, no freaking 8th square and no pink hats. And now a bloody talking squirrel"
"Ooohh..get you pissy pants" said the squirrel, "Just giving you friendly advice"
"Yeah right" said NV as she leant back on the tree in defiance. But she found herself falling back further than she should.
"Told you" said the squirrel faintly, "Bright lights and wierd looking rabbits through there" it finished gloatingly as it was proved right.
With a thump NV found herself looking up into a night sky, which changed from pink to red to blue to green and back again. Sitting up she saw she was at the base of some steps, a busy street the next block over emitted blaring car horns, music and shouts. An alien sound of horses hooves flitted by, but she reasoned she can't have heard that!
Getting up she looked up at the building behind her. It's neon sigh flicked on and off in a pinky haze. Suddenly it flared bright and NV found she had "Coyote Towers" etched on her retina, along with a neon pink cowboy hat.
Blinking furiously she walked up the steps and into the foyer of what seemed to be a hotel. A figure rushed over.
"Aaahhh...my dearest NV, how are you?" asked the woman.
NV still couldn't quite see, but a flash of pink caught her eye. Behind the reception desk, sat on a purple cushion was a pink fluffy cowboy hat....HER pink fluffy cowboy hat. Squeaking, she walked across the lobby pointing all the while at her hat.
"Wondered when you'd turn up to get it" said the woman.
Picking up the hat the woman placed it on NVs head, "There you go"
Her eyesight returning NV went to thank the woman,
"Tha.....Syldath? is that you?"
"Sure is, do you like my hotel?" she asked sweeping her arms wide. "We have a pool, jacuzzis, steam room, gym, party room...you name it we've got it! and if we haven't we'll build it!" beamed Syldath
"Your hotel?" asked NV in awe.
"Yep, everyone should be here eventually, although you are the first to find me. Let me show you to your room"
With that Syldath snapped her fingers and Coyote came running to take NVs bags. Except she had none, so he just sauntered along behind the two women as they chatted about old friends due to arrive.

Dazzlegirl had grown hungry. Zoid was in a stalemate with the SnowQueen and no one was moving either towards or away from the turkish delight. Mr Tumnus had grown bored and had wandered of with Evil Kimmie as they spoke of flora and fauna. Evil Kimmie getting quite excited about the whole nature thing jumped at the chance when Mr Tumnus invitted her back to meet his wife who was an avid fauna fan.
Opening up the picnic basket Zoid had made her carry, she had expected to see maybe some foil wrapped sandwiches or a scotch egg or two, but no, instead she had a damn flashing light and the sound of horses hooves.
Reaching in, her grumbling stomach demanding she feed it anything, even if it was horse, she suddenly felt a strong pull on her arm. Next thing she knew she was falling into the basket. Which to her totally sane mind was totally insane. How the hell could she fit into a damn picnic basket?
"With a "clump" she landed on a conveniently placed soft herbacious border, that ran ornamentally around a hotel (Fortunately it wasn't on it's day off, or Dazzle would have landed in just dirt!)
Peering up she saw a sign flashing at her. Embarrassed she looked away, but realising it wasn't "that" sort of flashing, she looked again.
"Coyote Towers" flashed on and off on and off. Lava Lamp Lady was stood nearby, totally mesmerised, she was really going to have to fight this love of all things "lava lamp-ish" Pulling her gaze away she saw Dazzlegirl and went over to help her up from the flower bed.
"Hello there, you found the place too?" she asked.
"Hey" said Dazzlegirl, "You're not talking in lyrics anymore"
"Yeah, when I fell through a crack in the pavement I found myself here and well, to be honest conversation is quite difficult when you're being pedantic and only using lyrics" explained LLL.
"I get your point" said Dazzlegirl nodding.
"Anyway, lets go in, I saw NicksViper just go in and apparently this is Syls place so we get a room each!" said LLL.
"Just like at LK?" asked Dazzlegirl
"Think so, but with less antispetic wash I think" replied LLL.
"Cool" said Dazzlegirl as they both stepped into the cool air condtioning of Syldaths Coyote Towers.

Lady Interference was frantically kicking Nick to get him to wake up so that they could flee from the evil that LI was sure she'd created ages ago, but didn't like to say.
"Why are you kicking that poor man?" asked Runemistress.
"No reason" said LI guiltily, "Um..... I've got a twitch...look" she said as she kicked Nick some more.
"OI, gerroff" said Nick as he sat up and went to kick LI back.
"So, what are you two up to then?" asked Runemistress amiably
"Um..." stuttered Nick, not sure whether to run, stand and fight or faint again.
"Ummm...not a lot" said LI as she swirled her foot in the dirt, not wanting to catch Runemistresses eye, causing her to perhaps do something evil.
As if reading LIs thoughts, "I'm meant to do something evil now aren't I?" asked Runemistress
"Dunno" mumbled LI with fingers crossed behind her back.
"Hmmmm" pondered Runemistress as she crossed her arms and thought deeply.
"Noooo" said LI seizing RMs wavering thoughts.
"Oh, I think I am!" said RM with a glint in her eye.
"Shall we run?" whispered Nick?
"Possibly" whispered LI back.
"When?" asked Nick.
"On 3?"
"OK"
"One...two..th..." before she could finish 3, RM suddenly said "AHA!" waved her arms and in a puff of smoke, LI and Nick found themselves at the steps to a hotel. Horses hooves clattered nearby amidst the normal city sounds.
Just getting their bearings a sudden screech broke their reveries.
"Ni-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-ick" as three figures ran down the steps.
"Oh hi" said Nick still in shock as Syldath, NicksViper and Dazzlegirl ran gleefully towards the diminutive synth god. "Let me show you your room!"said Syldath enthusiastically "OK" said Nick warming to all the attention.
Grabbing LIs hand too they all walked up into the hotel. Waitng in the lobby for LI was a crate of wine. As she dragged it off with glee, Nick looked on hopefully..
"Is that red wine??"

UKB, having found no magical ways to get to the neon city, was stood waiting at the airport. Tapping her foot in impatience she waited for someone to remember to collect her for the party.

Simon and Spy had been drinking in the shed for days!

Everything had gone blurry around the first day and although Simon hated being in the close proximity of a letchy fat man, the beer just kept on coming so he kept promising himself "just one more, then I'll go"
"Sblurry great thissh isshn't it?" slurred Simon, but Spy was asleep and snoring in the corner. just then he let out a nocturnal fart. the air turned green, spluttering Simon knew he had to get out and fast, before he suffocated!
Opening the door and stumbling out, he didn't notice at first that he seemd to be in a carpeted lobby. Confused and looking for the flowers and veg that he was sure should be there, he didn't notice 2 figures sidle up to him.
"Need a hand there?" asked one of the figures
"Um...yeah....s'been drinking y'sheee" he slurred.
"Ahh, yes, now don't fret, we'll look after you just fine" said the second figure.
"Wheeeeee" laughed Simon as he started to fall down.
Catching him, one under each arm, TLM said to NYC Girl,
"NOW, maybe we can finish what we started!"
NYC Girl just laughed as they dragged the drunk-ish Simon off to the lifts.
As they walked past Nick he raised an eyebrow, unnoticed by either TLM or NYC Girl Simon quickly raised his head and gave a wink, quickly returning to his "drunken" state.

So it was the next night when Syldath had called an impromtu meeting that everyone from the LK home for the elderly deranged reunited for the first time in ages.
NV was sat happily cooing at Nick while her pink fluffy hat sat askew on her head.
Dazzlegirl and LI were currently sitting on each others laps to get closer to Nicks other side.
UKB was still tapping her foot...although fortunately not at the airport...just in Nicks eyeline was fine for now.
Kimmie, Kian and Georgeschick were holding the white rabbity looking Elvis by the lapels, he still muttered about being late for something and they wanted to know now.
TLM and NYC Girl had had the shock of their lives when they realised Simon wasn't as drunk as first expected and had spent the night running up and down the great expanses of corridors.
Warren had skulked in, he was currently AWOL from Yasmins army, but they hadn't cared about his ear, so he had left and followed the bright lights. If anyone looked at him closely he pulled his hat down even more in case they say the missing ear.
John, MNT, Lady Xanax and GL7609 sat quietly, although they twiched ever so often when they thought no one was looking. Occassionally MNT went to wave her flag she'd kept, but a stern look from the others had her sitting on it.
Gemini and CT, turned up fashionably late. Gemini Girl strolled in chatting on her mobile while CTs southern belle dress was getting caught up everywhere as she tried to find her seat.
Crevette was also having problems getting to her seat, she had already nearly decapitated 6 people.
Jez was clanging her jars too much and thr rat was scaring people so she was made to watch from outside through an open window.
Anartica was at the buffet table, her hunger knew no bounds these days!
LadyBlu was trying to sit down but she found although her armour was pretty good for sitting in on a horse, it hadn't quite been adapted for chairs...so far she was "resting" on the chair.
Rain floated in and out of sight, she was watching the "Sunset Beach" omnibus and she didn't want to miss any.

Others who had also made it, but had been hidden in the LKs darkest attics were Enchanted fey, although no one knew if her look was total boredom or if she was trying for aloof.
Simons Flame had sneaked in, everyone had been over to HER place, now she was repaying the favour.
Tiger Tiger and Christine C, sat at the back, giggling occassionally as an odd lump would walk underneath their tops.
Charl and Nobel had dragged their cauldron in, and hoped no one would notice they were "spelling" hopefully they'd think it was just cakes again.
DD3Some strolled in late, She'd been to get a snazzy new hairdo and wanted to make an entrance so everyone could see. A few "What have you dones" filled the air, but in the main people were impressed.
Fairys Midwife had delved into the deepest recesses of her library and it had turned up in the hotel conference room. Having been ushered to a seat , she hoped no one would find her secret passage way back to the books. she's already had to swipe UKB away from there, she was just getting tooo close!
RioDNCR had fortunately grown, and was no longer 3 inches tall but when she had, SHE'D captured the five mini Warrens, and had them as her pets in a pretty guilded cage. She also wanted everyone to know she was now CucZPopTrashBratDNCR...everyone knew they'd be initialising THAT one!
KCDV was exasperated that everyone still wanted to call her LMNOP, but she would convert them to Simons Fmous Uranium..even if it killed her....or maybe everyone else!
A general hubub or noise filled the room wanting silence Syldath thumped a heavy book onto to a table Fairys Midwife and UKB gasped in horror, but held themselves from the hurting book!
"Right, everyone, now you are all here I shall explain why you are here!" said Syldath with an air of mystery.
"Ooohh...I know I know" said NV as she jumped up and down
"Ssshh" said Syldath, continuing she said "I'll not dither about.....we are here for a reunion Duran Duran concert!!" she yelled happily.
"What??" asked Simon, Nick and John.
Warren sat oblivious, "Eh? can't hear you" he said cupping his hand round the non existant ear.

Before any of the band could protest a huge roar and cheer filled the room so no one heard Simon mutter,
"Bugger...and I've lost all the words"

So it was with happy hearts that the former LK residents filed out to party away until the new Duran concert in a few nights time. What would happen with Simon and his lost lyrics, would Warren ever hear them anyway, would Nick ever get his fans off his arms to be able to play, would John ever stop twitching enough to be able to play?

Would UKB ever get around to another installment? hehehe! Wait and see!