I'M A CROSS DRESSING SCAT PIOLT
We here at UIQ have heard and seen some very disturbing things to say the least. From visions of Ms.Cleo's love slaves to childern eating cow paties. But I would have to say one of the most bizarre and unusual things this UIQ reporter has yet seen was in the form of a cross dressing shadowcat piolt. The Denise Rodman of mechwarrior you could say we were able to catch up with TenchiMuyo to ask him about his unusual lifestyle.
Before we start the interview I would like to describe what Tenchi was wearing. Tenchi is about 6'3 skinny and looks like he was beat by the ugly stick about fifty times. He was wearing a black strapless mini skirt dress that showed his hairy chest and red pump high heels. With makeup that would make Tammy fay baker jealous. And we here at UIQ are not responsible for the visions that you may be having. But trust us the pain does stop.
UIQ: Ummm well Tenchi its a pleasure to umm meet you.
Tenchi: Yes it is. You should be happy that I graced you with my devine presence. And you may refer to me as Monique.
UIQ: Ooook Monique it is. So you have made quit an impact in the mech community and on the battlefield with your how should we say unusual antics.
Monique: And what do you mean by that.
UIQ: Well come on for one dressing like a woman isnt something that an ordinary mech piolt does.
Monique: There just jealous your just all jealous that I am confident in my man hood and look damned good in a dress. Thats all I get from you people you just dont appreciate my uniqueness.
UIQ: No Im sorry were not jealous just sort of think your freaky. I mean come on now you were arrested for streaking at the world series last year and on top of that the stories of your drinking are shocking and appauling.
Monique: Well for starters me streaking at the world series was the hightlight of the entire series. As far as my drinking Its all good.
UIQ: All good I heard when you meet the pope you pucked in his hat.
Monique: I was air sick besides he might be close to god but he needs to take a shower once in a while I mean the stinch was unsettling.
UIQ: Now what about the tells of your sexual life. I mean is it true that you slept with Carmen Electra, Cameron Diaz, and a chick in a Minnie Mouse costume in one big drunken orgy.
Monique: Yes it is and Im damned proud of it. I grabbed Minnie by her big ears and yelled who's your daddy come on bitch who's your daddy. Oh yea that was one happy mouse Ill tell ya. Hey is it my fault Im a sex symbol. Hell she cant get enough of me she keeps calling me at all hours of the night telling me that mickey cant satisfy her anymore. Its pretty pathetic.
UIQ: What do you say to your critics who think your just acting like this for attention?
Monique: They can kiss my big white ass. There just jealous of my talents on and off the field. I am one of the biggest and most well known mech piolts there is. Everyone in the community knows me and you all want to be like me. Look you are boring me I have better things to do with my time then talk to you. You have been in my pressence long enough be gone. Minnie honey wait for me.
Well thats it for this interview. Tenchi or Monique in my honest opinion is one egotistical person. His antics are just an out cry for attention. But his antics will be his downfall. All though we all may think there amusing and love seeing him on the news almost nightly doing something outrages it is a pitty that he is on a path to self destruction. I assure you this will not be the last interview we have with Tenchi. May god have mercy on our souls. |
