"There is True Art in Interpreting the World through the Minds of Imbeciles"
"Why do hot dogs come in packs of ten and buns in packs of eight?"
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Department of Science & Nature

"The Universe is bigger than the Agora, but not as big as Asia, which is huge" -- Gomer the Greek
Departments

Drama
   & Fine Arts

Philosophy
   & Religion

Politics
   & Sociology

History
   & Culture

Language
   & Literature

Journalism
   & Hype

Cooking
     School

    A metaphysical explanation of the Universe
    Shortling Isomerism

    (This is also repeated on the Philosophy & Religion page.
    We are truly into ultracrepidarianism here at the Academy.)

    Grobius Shortling's Stephen Hawking Rip-off
    The Universe Defined in a Nutshell

    Life in the solar system Beta Pisces (Gogol)
    The Planet Blenkinsop

    A Theory about Why We Behave So Stupidly
    Dumb Beams

    Miscellaneous
    Mainframe Dinosaurs and the Internet
    Exploration of the Solar System

The Grobius and Fishe Academy of Arts and Imbecility has one of the most complete collections of pickled bird brains in the world; both Gerald Ford and Ronald Reagan have willed us their brains, and we are looking forward to that so we can start our experiment:
'Can Science Clone a Smart Man from Mere Dull Gray Matter' Research Project (fondly called in shop CSCSMMDGM). We are looking for a better acronym: you are welcome to submit either a mnemonic or your brain, doesn't matter
It's tax deductible (to us anyway, since there is no capital value attached). The best entries in the name-this-project contest will be listed on this page -- sorry we can't display brain donations, but the Web does not support that technology yet. Please submit your entries on the submission form. If it's your brain you want to send us, please click on the "YES, MY BRAIN IS ENCLOSED" box, otherwise we might not know what to do with it. (But be sure to pack it in ice, and enclose a self-addressed, stamped return label so we can ship it back to you if it isn't needed. We use Federal Express and recommend you do the same -- UPS tends to hold back deliveries if no-one is there to receive them, and postal delays tend to be harmful to brain tissue.) We will NOT ACCEPT UNSOLICITED BRAINS unless they come with the SASE. Your submission is not an excuse for not going to work or school ("My brain is at the Academy") but if you click that button, we will provide a certificate: not quite as good as a Jury notice yet quite effective and official-looking, with the Platypus seal.
Does your brain meet our standards?

"Many now believe the seat of reason is in the brain. I know that the source of all wisdom resides in the heart. A person who is dead has no wisdom, and that is the proof of the matter." -- Gomer the Greek

Our only math subjects:
Metric Conversions How Old Are You? Pick Lotto Numbers

Note on the Y2K computer problem: The fact that the year 2000 is a millennium is not the issue. It is the century changing that causes the problem. If there had been computers in 1898, people would have had to address the transition to 1900.

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G&F Academy contents
copyright © 1997, 1998
by Grobius Shortling

The preceding entries are our published research theses. You are welcome to join or contribute to a department. We no longer accept full-time boarding students, however, as the insurance costs were too high. All you need to do now to obtain a diploma or citation from the G&F Academy of Arts and Imbecility is to contribute something to this Web Site. What you get for this is totally and arbitrarily up to the Academicians, who are a fickle bunch. If you don't know how to e-mail us, why don't you click on the Inquiries hot spot at the top of the page, dummy?