GUITAR RIVALRY
Ah, it's Noel's 30th birthday, and what does he want more than anything? He wants a new mahogany & rosewood steel string acoustic guitar. The only problem is that two people want to get it for him; Liam & Meg. So, who's it gonna be? Will it be his brother or his girlfriend that get him the guitar & make his 30th birthday a memorable one?
(MEG ENTERS A MUSIC SHOP TO PURCHASE THE GUITAR, ONLY TO FIND LIAM IN THE STORE EYEING UP THE GUITAR.)
LIAM: HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THE FACT THAT I'M GONNA GET NOEL THIS GUITAR FOR HIS BIRTHDAY?
MEG: I'M GETTING IT, ME. AT THE END OF THE DAY I GO HOME & I HEAR IT FROM NOEL. & I DO. HE LOOKS AT ME & SAYS, "YOU BETTER MAKE SURE I GET THAT GUITAR FOR ME BIRTHDAY, YOU LITTLE TINKER."
LIAM: HE SAYS THAT TO ME TOO.
MEG: YEAH, BUT I HEAR IT ALL THE TIME. HE LOOKS AT ME & SAYS, "YOU'RE GETTING ME THAT F*CKIN' GUITAR." KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
LIAM: WOAH. HANG ON A MINUTE. THAT'S NOT WHAT HE SAYS TO YOU.
MEG: HE DOES.
LIAM: ALL HE CARES ABOUT IS GETTING THAT GUITAR. HE DOESN'T CARE IF YOU'RE THE ONE WHO GIVES IT TO HIM. GIVING HIM THAT GUITAR IS SOMETHING I'D BE PROUD ABOUT.
MEG: WELL, SO WOULD I, LA.
LIAM: ALRIGHT. WELL, IF YOU WANNA GET HIM THIS YOU'LL HAVE TO FIGHT ME FOR IT. BUT, YOU'D END UP GETTING KNOCKED OUT, SO WHY DON'T YOU JUST GET THE F*CK OUT OF THIS STORE AND GO BUY HIM SOMETHING ELSE? CAUSE I'M GETTING HIM THIS GUITAR, RIGHT? NOT YOU.
MEG: YOU'RE ONLY GUTTED 'COS LAST YEAR YOU FORGOT TO GET HIM ANYTHING AT ALL.
LIAM: IT WAS A BAD MOVE.
MEG: SHUT UP! SHUT UP! YOU CAME OVER TO OUR HOUSE LAST YEAR & DIDN'T EVEN HAVE A GIFT AND NOEL SAYS, "WHAT THE F*CK ARE YOU DOING?" NOW YOU THINK YOU CAN MAKE UP FOR LAST YEAR YEAR BY GETTING THIS GUITAR...
LIAM: NO I DON'T.
MEG: SHUT UP. YOU THINK YOU CAN BUY HIS LOVE BACK WITH THIS GUITAR...
LIAM: I DON'T.
MEG: SHUT UP, MAN! YOU THINK YOU CAN BUY HIS LOVE. DO YOU KNOW WHAT NOEL SAID TO ME? HE SAID, "I'LL NEVER FORGIVE LIAM FOR NOT GETTING ME ANYTHING LAST YEAR. HE CAN'T MAKE UP FOR THAT. IT WAS RUDE, & I WON'T STAND FOR IT." THEN HE TORE UP ALL THE PICTURES HE HAD OF YOU, & FLUSHED THEM DOWN THE TOILET.
LIAM: HE DIDN'T AT ALL. YOU CAN JUST TAKE MY PICTURES & STICK 'EM UP YOUR ARSE TILL IT COMES OUT YOUR BIG TOE.
MEG: SHUT THE F*CK UP. I'M BUYING THIS GUITAR.
LIAM: IF YOU THINK YOU'RE GONNA GET HIM THIS GUITAR...
MEG: I CAME IN THIS STORE TO GET THIS GUITAR, I'M GOING TO GET IT, & THAT'S IT.
LIAM: YOU'RE NOT AT ALL. YOU THINK YOU'RE GETTING IT FOR HIM, AND YOU'RE NOT.
MEG: I'M SERIOUS ABOUT IT. AND AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED, I'M GETTING IT. NOW I'M IN THIS STORE, I'VE GOT THE CASH, & I THINK, YEAH, F*CKIN' GOOD, MAN. I'M GONNA BUY IT, THAT'S REALITY, MATE.
LIAM: WHY DON'T YOU GO TO THE JEWELERS AND GET HIM A NEW WATCH?
MEG: 'COS I DON'T WANT TO. IF I DID, THERE'S NOTHING WOULD STOP ME.
LIAM: THEN WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO, MAKE A SCENE, THEN? WHY DON'T YOU DO A KEITH RICHARDS? THROW THE T.V. OUT OF THE WINDOW IN ORDER TO CREATE A DIVERSION, THEN GRAB THE GUITAR & RUN.
MEG: I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT. IF I WANTED TO DO IT, I'D JUST GO LIKE THAT & DO IT & DO IT. BUT I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT. I'M NOT ABOUT THAT.
LIAM: THEN WHY DON'T YOU JUST LEAVE, WOMAN. JUST LEAVE. YOU'RE ALREADY GETTING INTO A STATE. GET THE F*CK OUT.
MEG: THE THING IS, YOU'RE NOT GETTING HIM THIS GUITAR.
LIAM: ARE YOU?
MEG: YEAH. I AM.
LIAM: YOU MIGHT BE IN YOUR LITTLE WORLD, BUT AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED, I'M GETTING THIS GUITAR, & YOU'RE FULL OF BULLSH*T, WOMAN.
MEG: FINE. YOU'RE NOT GETTING HIM THE GUITAR.
LIAM: YOU'RE NOT GETTING HIM THE GUITAR.
MEG: I AM GETTING IT.
LIAM: I'M GOING TO GET IT. I'M GOING TO GET IT NOW. (Turns around to get the guitar, but it's gone.)
ALAN: (Walks up to Meg & Liam) HI GUYS. LOOK WHAT I JUST BOUGHT NOEL FOR HIS BIRTHDAY. (Has the guitar)
LIAM: WELL WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY THEN? WHILE WE WERE ARGUING YOU WALKED UP HERE & BOUGHT THIS GUITAR.
MEG: THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT HE DID. SO, SHUT THE F*CK UP, MAN! YOU CAUSED THIS MESS YOURSELF, CAUSE YOU WOULDN'T SHUT UP. I DON'T WANT TO GO ON ABOUT THIS FOREVER. I CAME IN HERE TO BUY THAT GUITAR, BUT YOU GOT IN MY WAY, YOU ALWAYS DO.
ALAN: I DIDN'T KNOW THAT YOU TWO HATED EACH OTHER. HOW OFTEN DO YOU ARGUE LIKE THIS?
LIAM: EVERY TIME WE SEE EACH OTHER.
MEG: CONSTANTLY.
ALAN: DO YOU HAVE ANY RECURRING DREAMS?
LIAM: YEAH, JUST THE ONE.
MEG: WHAT?
LIAM: (MENACINGLY) NOEL DUMPS YOU.
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