c:\mydocs\Web’04’05\session3.htm
SESSION 3
“BUILDING SELF ESTEEM” WORKSHOP
¨
HAVE YOU
HEARD OF THE “SELF-TALK CYCLE?
SELF TALK CYCLE
S-I ----->PERFORMANCE ----->
/\ |
| |
|<-------SELF TALK <---------------V
¨
The SELF-IMAGE
-- impacts-->PERFORMANCE---tthen comes the critique or evaluation
called------------> SELF-TALK----this
self talk impacts the ---->SELF IMAGE ----which impacts ---->
------------
----->PERFORMANCE. And ‘round & ‘round it goes reinforcing
the same self-image and the same performance.
It is important that we
Intercede if the self-talk is
negative and make sure it is positive and states what we want!
DO YOU
SEE THAT THE SELF TALK REINFORCES THE SELF-IMAGE? IF YOU KEEP BAD MOUTHING
YOURSELF YOUR POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS MUST WORK UP HILL! MUST DO DOUBLE DUTY.
Always state what you want!
If THE SELF-TALK is negative, say to yourself, out loud if
need be: STOP IT!!!!!!
Reinforce the positive talk
and start work on eliminating the negative self-talk. When you hear a negative
one say: Is that really true? Is
that in my best interest? Is
that what I really want? If not then say: "That's not like me, I'm
........." (Make the positive statement of what is in your best
interest.).
v
IT’S AT THE
SELF TALK POINT IN THE CYCLE THAT YOU CAN INTERCEDE AND AFFECT THE CYCLE.
v
DID YOU
NOTICE? IF YOU LISTEN TO YOUR SELF TALK
YOU WILL KNOW WHAT YOUR SELF-IMAGE LOOKS LIKE. THAT'S WHAT YOU REALLY THINK OF
YOURSELF. IT'S YOUR THOUGHTS CHANGE THEM!!!!
{CHANGE YOUR SELF TALK TO THE POSITIVE PICTURE THAT
YOU WANT!!}
v OTHERWISE IT WORKS AGAINST YOUR POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS.
v Recent research
shows: Every thought and behavior impacts brain chemistry. There's a brain pattern for every thought,
feeling and behavior! T0 CHANGE: WE MUST CHANGE BRAIN PATTERN!
+ SAY: NEXT TIME, I WILL DO IT THIS
WAY!!
+
NEXT TIME I WILL APPROACH IT WITH THESE FEELINGS!!
·
PLAY OFF GAME
FOR WORLD SERIES IS AN EXAMPLE:
The ball game is last of the 9th with 2 outs the count
is 3&2. The coach comes out and says to the pitcher: “Whatever you do don’t throw it high and
outside.” Guess where the pitch went? After the game the Picher said: “He could have said anything but
that.”
Ÿ
Also: My
experience at Green Acres golf course Par
3 with lake on the right. I would get on the tee and say “What ever you
do, don’t put it in the lake. Guess where it went? I finally got it right when
I said “Put it on the green! Picture
what you want not what you don’t want.
YOU GET WHERE YOU FOCUS YOUR THOUGHT!
u
You have been
given examples of affirmations that you may use. But there may not be one that
particularly meets your need. SO YOU CAN WRITE YOUR OWN AFFIRMATIONS TO FIT
YOUR PARTICULAR NEEDS.
·
BEFORE NOW
IMPRINTING ON YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS WAS LUCK OF THE DRAW. NOW YOU GET TO CHOOSE THE
IMPRINTING!
TO UNDERSTAND HOW
IMPRINTING WORKS IT IS NECESSARY TO UNDERSTAND HOW THE HUMAN BRAIN WORKD.
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
THIS IS HOW THE BRAIN
WORKS!
REMEMBER: THE BASIS
OF AFFIRMATIONS IS: "THE IDEAS AND PICTURES I HOLD IN MY MIND VIVIDLY,
INTENTLY, PERSISTENTLY WILL MANIFEST THEMSELVES IN ME AND IN REALITY. I NEED TO
HAVE THE FEELING IT IS TO HAPPEN NO MATTER WHAT! THAT'S THE POWER OF THE
SUBCONSCIOUS.
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
v
FOR A
PRINTOUT OF “WRITING
AFFIRMATIONS-STEPS TO IMPRINTING” CLICK ON “WRITING AFFIRMATIONS” BELOW.
WRITING AFFIRMATIONS
v
LET’S WRITE
AN AFFIRMATION SO YOU SEE HOW IT IS DONE. WHAT TO CHOOSE FOR AN AFFIRMATION? FOLLOW THESE GUIDELINES FOR WRITING AND IMPRINTING
AFFIRMATIONS (I learned this from Lou Tice’s workshop) 1. MUST BE PERSONAL. Each person can
only affirm for himself. Each person is changing his own self-image. Therefore
the statements will be an "I", My", "Me" statement. 2. POSITIVE STATEMENT. Vividly
paint a picture for your subconscious of the change you want in a positive
statement. (Make no mention of the negative thing you wish to eliminate) Say
“I AM....." For instance instead of "I don't lose my
temper." use "I am calm and even tempered." 3. USE PRESENT TENSE. Write it in the present tense. This is the only time
frame the subconscious operates on. Statements like "some day",
"maybe I'll", "tomorrow" create a picture that is
uncertain, detached from the behavioral experience you wish to create. You want
to create an experience that is happening now, one that is already happening,
one that you can experience inside your own mind and body. The subconscious
needs to see a picture through your own eyes and to feel the emotional response
to that change. 4. INDICATE ACHIEVEMENT. STATEMENT AS
ALREADY DONE! (a characteristic or skill) DO NOT INDICATE THE ABILITY
"I CAN" in the affirmation. You already have the ability.
What must be indicated is the concrete, ACTUAL ACHIEVEMENT. Use
statements like "I AM", "I HAVE". The idea is for
you to give the vivid message to the subconscious that you are already at the
goal. The more you act AS IF you are already in possession of the quality
or change, the faster you self-image will make it evident in your daily
actions. Your objective is to develop an affirmation which will
easily evoke an imagined experience, and it is much easier to
imagine the accomplished change than a changing process. Seeing the
goal completed also eliminates some of the stress usually associated with
trying to achieve a goal. 5. MAKE NO COMPARISONS TO OTHERS. This is a personal process. You are a unique person
coming from your own unique place and comparisons are like comparing apples
to elephants, or rabbits to elephants. You may get discouraged if
you think you are progressing more slowly or be misled if you think
you are progressing faster. Do not affirm you are "AS GOOD
AS", or "BETTER THAN". Instead of, "I am the most
productive sales person in our company." use "I am an excellent sales
person and my production is very high." Just trust and utilize the
process. As long as you keep practicing your affirmations you will proceed at
the best rate for you. Just strive to bring about the changes to the self-image
that you desire by affirming the qualities that are best for you. PUT NO
PRESSURE ON YOURSELF!! (TRUST THE
PROCESS) 6. USE ACTION WORDS. Make it a moving picture. Describe the activity in
terms that create pictures of you performing in an easy and anxiety free
manner. Your subconscious actions need to be described by statements that start
with: "I EASILY", "I QUICKLY", "I ENJOY",
"I LOVE E TO", "I THRIVE ON", "I SHOW".
These words develop a picture of action and accomplishment that does not cause
you to feel either threatened or pushed. Instead of "I can
relax.", use "I relax easily and quickly
whenever I want to do so." You keep moving toward your goals with
confidence and poise. NO THREAT, NO PUSHING!! DON'T GET ON YOUR OWN
BACK!! 7. USE EXCITEMENT WORDS. Put as much
excitement into the affirmation as you can by vividly stating your behavior in
colorful terms. Use words that spark an emotional picture in you subconscious.
This helps to make the experience more believable and attractive.
Write in a manner that creates fun, pride, happiness, accomplishment and joy. The
more action the faster the change. Use words like "I
WARMLY", "I HAPPILY", "I LOVINGLY", "I
ENTHUSIASTICALLY". Example: "I am very
proud to be free of the smoking habit, and I feel terrific, food tastes
great!!” 8. ACCURACY. AFFIRM ONLY AS HIGH AS YOU CAN
HONESTLY IMAGINE YOURSELF BECOMING
OR PERFORMING. Don't over shoot or undershoot. Shoot for a
clear, vivid picture of the end result you want to accomplish so that you stay
on course to the goal and don't upset your emotional balance. If
you are affirming for example a particular weight level, then
pinpoint to the exact weight level you wish to achieve. Be careful what you
affirm - it will happen. (Know your DNA type & take
into account, i.e. endomorph. That only thin, beautiful people have value is a
lie. There are only 8 - 10 super models, they are exceptions. A poor role
model!) Go for Healthy WT Level! 9. GO FOR BALANCE. Vital to the
process is that your affirmations (goals) fit together in a consistent
manner. NO CONFLICTING
AFFIRMATIONS!!! WHAT ARE YOUR LIFE'S GOALS, 5
YR. GOALS, MONTHLY GOALS? REMEMBER IN SESSION 8 YOU WILL LEARN HOW TO
MEET YOUR GOALS - GUARANTEED!! That is, try not to affirm in
inconsistent directions. Look at growth in all areas of your life rather than
just for one or two. BALANCE IS THE KEY OR YOU'LL END UP LOPSIDED. Look
to see if you are leaving out an important aspect of your life. 10. BE REALISTIC. DO NOT TRY FOR an
idealized PERFECTION; IT’S A DREAM AND SELF DEFEATING. Do not use words like "I
ALWAYS" "EVERY TIME I"
"I'LL NEVER", etc. THAT'S THE NOTE: PERFECTION NOT POSSIBLE (USING OLD
DEFINITION "NEVER MAKE A MISTAKE".) SELF DEFEATING. FAILURE IS A MUST
IN LIFE IF YOU ARE DOING ANYTHING IMPORTANT. I GUESS YOU COULD BE A PERFECT
LOSER. Never say never! (Only time OK to use never.) There's
always and exception! (Only time OK to use "always" & only time
there is no exception.) Remember: If
you can’t picture yourself there, you’ll not attain it! 11. KEEP YOUR AFFIRMATIONS TO YOURSELF. Your personal affirmations are for your eyes only.
People may constantly try to remind you of your "old self-image ".
Even well meaning people will compare your actions to your goals and insinuate
you are not measuring up. It allows them to work against us and very often
causes us to press to get our goals accomplished. Only reveal your affirmations
to those persons who NEED to know them and who can help you realize them more
quickly. ONE PERSON SHOWED TO HER HUSBAND AND HE MADE FUN OF HER. SHE QUIT,
NEVER CAME BACK TO THE WORKSHOP. DON'T LET OTHERS DETERMINE THE OUTCOME
OF YOUR LIFE. DEMONSTRATE WHAT A MORE SECURE AND CREATIVE PERSON YOU
ARE. AND WHEN THEY ASK YOU ABOUT IT TELL THEM HOW YOU DID IT!! ·
Remember
the process: Read what you have written; Visualize what it is like to be like
that.; Put yourself into the picture, see yourself there and get the feeling of how it is to be like
that. Then commit to that. That is the way I am. (If your Self-Image says “But
I’m not like that” then reply that is the way I intend to be and be a good
actor and act that way.) ·
DO UNTIL IT
HAPPENS! ·
A good example of
an affirmation is: "I enjoy building
sound relationships with my children, one that is open, honest, and loving. I
am the kind of parent who earns and deserves the respect and admiration of my
children." (Paraphrased from
"Release Your Brakes, Newman, Warner Books", Want more detail? Get
the book.) TRUST THE PROCESS IT
WORKS! How does using
affirmations change the SI anyway? To
review the Session2 handout click on ‘BASIS OF DOING AFFIRMATIONS” BELOW THEN
CLICK ON THE BACK ARROW TO RETURN TO SESSION 3. BASIS OF DOING AFFIRMATIONS
Just
trust and utilize the process. As long as you keep practicing your affirmations
you will proceed at the best rate for you.
Review the Examples of
Affirmations handed out in Session #2:
More Affirmations, affirmation on affirmations, see how fits rule. §
Affirmations
that affect others §
Work
Affirmations §
Team
affirmations Another very helpful
tool is the “Visualization”. Similar to
positive affirmations but are directed to more specific acts like giving a talk
to a group, playing golf, etc. DEVELOPING POSITIVE VISUALIZATIONS v
ESPECIALLY
USEFUL FOR: ·
A JOB
INTERVIEW ·
MEETING
SPOUSE'S MOM & DAD FOR THE FIRST TIME. ·
ACTIVITY NEVER
DONE BEFORE ·
ACTIVITY YOU
WISH TO IMPROVE IF IT IS AN EVENT LIKE ALL
OF A SUDDEN YOU ARE ASKED TO SPEAK AT THE PTA OR SOME OTHER SPECIAL EVENT. Or
It’s Time To Meet The In-laws! ·
Prepare a
picture of the event coming off remarkably well! ·
Visualize you
are enthusiastically accepted giving a speech on your favorite subject. ·
(VISUALIZE
IN EVERY PRECISE DETAIL) Be
very clear about the event! 1. Who is involved? 2. When will it happen? 3.
Where will it be? 4. Picture the room. 5. What do you want to accomplish? 6. How do I perform? ·
Design a
picture with emotions that you feel will overcome the anxiety. - Go back in your experience and PICTURE A
TIME when you were very successful, happy, confidence and bring those
feelings into the picture. ·
Now simply use
REPETITION! REPETITION! REPETITION!!
THIS IS A DELIBERATE
PREPARATION FOR A PREDETERMINED OUTCOME! Design a visualization
that will trigger the picture you want and the emotions you wish to feel in the
(See the Reference
Books - "Release Your Brakes”, James Newman, Warner Books. I learned a lot
on visualizations from this book and from “Creative Visualization”, Shakti
Gawain, New Worlds Library) ¨ IT’S IMPORTANT TO DO THE INSIDE WORK FIRST AND THE
OUTSIDE WORK 2ND. TO PRINT OUT HANDOUT [2]
CLICK ON “POSITIVE VIZUALIZATIONS” BELOW. POSITIVE VISUALIZATIONS
HERE IS THE DETAILED PROCESS FIRST: Choose
area where a more positive emotional pattern, characteristic or skill is desired.
Although this can be in any field: vocational, professional, sports organization, being organized communicating ideas, getting things done promptly, etc. Can be used in any area of
your life GETS THE INTELLECT
INVOLVED. We will focus on areas
of self esteem, personal, what we call the inside work, and social areas
like: Self esteem, calmness flexibility cheerfulness
spontaneity patience, spontaneity, procrastination (Do It
Now!!) conversational
communication, SECOND: Rate its probable significance to your future achievement and happiness with 1
the highest and 10 the lowest. (How
important is it to you?? EXCITES YOUR
MOTIVATIONAL DRIVE!) THIRD: On a separate piece of paper for each pattern,
characteristic or skill chosen, fill out a attached Step 3
sheet. FOURTH: See Guideline Rules For Wording Your Affirmations,
and examples. Prepare your Positive Visualization Affirmation. ¨ This puts your intellect to work & involved. This defines your instructions to the
sub-conscious. STEP 3 PATTERN, CHARACTERISTIC, SKILL - SIGNIFICANCE RATING - What does that mean to me?
Exactly what do I want to strengthen? (WHY WRITE IT DOWN? FOR THE INTELLECTUAL
IMPACT, IT’S INSTRUCTIONS TO THE SUB-CONSCIOUS. IT MEANS YOU MEAN BUSINESS.) How would I like to feel
about that? What are the emotions I want to cultivate? When I have made the change I
want to make, how will I describe myself? (Reference -
"Release Your Brakes”, James Newman, Warner Books.) AN EXAMPLE OF A
VISUALIZATION I was so shy I could
hardly carry on a conversation with people. So I wrote this visualization and
followed the instructions: “I enjoy conversations
with people both socially and at work.
At home with my family, feeling at ease, finding people interesting and
warm. People enjoy being with me.” I still remember the
exact place where I carried on a conversation feeling at ease, with out feeling
self conscious. The visualization
worked! TO PRINT OUT THIS
HANDOUT [3] SHOWNING THIS AND OTHER EXAMPLES OF POSITIVE VISUALIZATION AFFIRMATIONS CLICK
ON “MORE POSITIVE VISUALIZATIONS” BELOW MORE POSITIVE VISUALIZATIONS
BUILDING SELF
CONFIDENCE - If you were told when growing up “You can
do anything” you don’t need this Visualization. "I radiate an inner
confidence. I speak and act confidently in everything I do. I am poised and
self-assured. I feel good about myself. My confidence naturally rises to the
surface in every situation. I know I can handle any situation that may come up
with calmness and confidence. I am a secure person and I confidently believe in
myself." FOR A PRINT OUT THIS AND
HANDOUT [4] SHOWING THIS AND OTHERS CLICK ON “BUILD SELF-CONFIDENCE” BELOW BUILD SELF-CONFIDENCE
I BELIEVE THAT IT IS IMPORTANT AND VERY
HELPFUL IN BUILDING OUR SELF-ESTEEM TO UNDERSTAND HOW THIS MAGNIFISCENT BRAIN
OF OURS FUNCTIONS. ·
TO PRINT
OUT THE HANDOUT [5] 12B “EXCERPTS: I AM YOUR CHILD, THE 1ST YEARS
LAST FOR EVER” CLICK ON “1ST YEARS” BELOW 1ST YEARS
"At birth, the brain is
remarkably unfinished. The parts of the brain that handle thinking, as well as
emotional and social behavior, are very underdeveloped. The fact that the brain
matures in the world, rather than in the womb, means that young children are
deeply affected by their early experiences. Their relationships with parents
and other important caregivers, the sights, sounds, smells, and feelings they
experience, the challenges they meet - these don't just influence their moods.
These experiences actually affect the way children's brains become
"wired". (Full text available on website handing out later in
this session.) In other words, early
experiences help to determine brain structure, thus shaping the way people
learn, think, and behave for the rest of their lives. Principles of Brain Development ·
The outside
world shapes the brain's wiring. ·
The outside
world is experienced through the senses - seeing, hearing, smelling, touching, and tasting - enabling the
brain to create or modify connections. ·
The brain
operated on a "use it or lose it" principle. ·
Relationships
with other people early in life are the major source of development of the emotional and social parts of the
brain. FOR A PRINTOUT OF THIS
HANDOUT [6] A Parents Guide to Early Brain Development 12B-2, CLICK ON “PARENT'S GUIDE” BELOW, PARENT'S GUIDE
A Parents Guide to Early Brain Development (Paraphrased) We know there is, and we are
learning more about, the biological impact of the parents through the specific
DNA that each child inherits. Researchers now confirm that the way you interact
with your child in the early years and the experiences you provide or encourage
have a big impact on his emotional development, learning abilities and how he
functions in later life. Scientists are finding that caregivers have even a
greater effect on brain development than most people previously suspected.
Experiences shape the developing structure of the brain. Before birth, a baby’s brain
cells multiply at such an astonishing rate that by the time your baby is born
100 billion brain cells have been developed. Though these cells are not yet
connected in networks they will be when her brain is mature. It is the
networking that allows thinking and learning, among other things, to take
place. This networking takes place after birth in direct response to the
child’s world - and from the infant’s viewpoint the caretakers are the world. Brain cells are perfectly
designed for making connections. Each cell sends signals out to other brain
cells and receives input from other cells, creating connections. Repeated
activation of networks of neurons strengthens these connections. To understand
the power of these miracle connections, you have to multiply this miracle by
trillions. A single cell can connect with as many as 15,000 other cells. This
incredibly complex network of connections that results is often referred to as
the brain’s “wiring” or “circuitry”. Experience shapes the way circuits are
made in the brain. There are other “windows” or
“prime times”, some relatively short and others last a decade. Visual
experiences in the first years of life are important or a child will not be
able to see. The first dozen years of
life children can learn languages very easily, as opposed to later in life. Of
course it is never too late to help a child to learn and develop-- although it
can be more costly and time-consuming than in the early years of life. Every important caregiver has
the potential to help shape a young child’s future. NOTE: The source of the
above information is from the web site www.iamyourchild.org
provided by the Reiner Foundation, I am Your Child, FOR A PRINTOUT OF THIS
HANDOUT [7] 12H.: “EARLY
CHILDHOOD AID” CLICK ON “EARLY AID” BELOW. EARLY AID
EARLY CHILDHOOD AID In this 12H handout “Early-childhood
aid praised” a Sac Bee Thursday April 23, 1998 article by Melissa Healy
the benefits of early-childhood intervention is documented: “In the most
comprehensive study to date of programs designed to improve the lives of poor
children, the Rand Corp. has found that the investments in the first five years
of childhood yield substantial and lasting benefits not only to the children
and their families, but also to their communities. Reviewing nine small-scale programs, many
of them short lived, Rand found that most of them improved the participating
children’s subsequent academic achievement, and that several decreased the
likelihood the children would grow up to lead lives of crime. For every dollar
spent on the early-childhood programs, society saved several dollars on
welfare, special education and criminal justice.” FOR A PRINTOUT OF THE
HANDOUT: [8]12M. CLICK ON “THE IMMATURE BRAIN” BELOW. THE IMMATURE BRAIN
THE IMMATURE BRAIN Read. Very
important to understand. (My impression is that
Mike Tyson is an example of the connection being damaged resulting in violent
responses.) It is important for us to
understand how the brain develops and the time required for it to fully
develop. The brain of a teenager is not mature, fully developed, particularly
in the area of the prefrontal cortex, which is critical to good judgment and
suppression of impulse. Without that
development a person is not capable to critically analyze and make sound judgments
especially in linking present actions with outcomes. The teen finds it
difficult to postpone gratifications. Not
until the early 20’s! Brain scans show that the
amygdala (Automatic survival response) is very active with teens and that
link to the prefrontal cortex has not been strongly established. This means the
teen can be impulsive following the more primitive impulses without the
intervention of the higher powers of the brain that would caution action until
a further examination of the possible outcomes would dictate a different course
of action. This prefrontal cortex is
that “...part... distinguishes our brain from most all of other animals, even
our closest relatives” according to Daniel Weinberger in the Sac Bee article of
It takes at least two decades
to form a fully functional prefrontal cortex and the evidence is unequivocal
that the prefrontal cortex of a 15-year-old is biologically immature. The final
connections have not been made and the networks still need to be strengthened
and the full capacity for inhibitory control is still away. Mr. Daniel Weinberger points
out that this needs to be taken into account in understanding where a young
teen is coming from in a culture that romanticizes gunplay when involved in
school shootings. Mr. Weinberger, director of
the Clinical Brain Disorders Laboratory at the National Institute of Health
says: “No matter what town or school, if a gun is put in the control of the
prefrontal cortex of a hurt and vengeful 15-year-old, and it is pointed at a
human target, it will most likely go off.” This is why I believe that
children before the age of 18 should not be tried as adults. I believe that
full maturity is not reached until the early twenties. Most teenagers find the
adults around them, especially their parents or care takers, simply have no
clue about what is going on. It is
obvious that the adults have made a mess of everything. What the teen does not
recognize is that where they are in their prefrontal cortex development they
think they clearly understand what is but in fact they do not know and what
is most important they do not know they do not know. It is important
that somehow this information is conveyed prior to teenage, even
though they do not want to hear it. CHILD DEVELOPMENT WEB SITES Very valuable information can
be found on the web so I have included a hand out with some web sites where
additions information on brain and child development can be found. FOR A PRINT OUT OF THE
HANDOUT [9] 12J. CLICK ON “CHILD DEVELOPMENT WEB SITES” BELOW. CHILD DEVELOPMENT WEB SITES
A MESSAGE FROM A HORSE WHISPERER 12A1 * HORSE SENSE FOR PE0PLE by MONTY ROBERTS (Recommended reading for understanding the
fundamentals of relationships) ,Monty Roberts was born and
raised on his parent’s horse ranch, being in the horse business. His father was
a trainer and riding instructor. Monty loved and lived with horses all his
life. He was on a horse with his mother shortly after birth, became a riding
expert and was in competition by the age of 4 years. He observed that humans for ages
domesticated horses by breaking them, breaking their spirit. Do as I say or I
will hurt you. [Humans enslave horses,
saying I am your master and you, slave, will do as I say. This has been human’s
basic means of training others, including our children.]** In the front of the
book are Monty Roberts’ ideas to live by.
From these you will see that Mr. Roberts is definitely for non
violence. He believes in the power of
gentleness, positive action, and trust. And, he says he learned this from
listening to horses. Out on the From the lessons learned from
the horse Mr. Roberts devised the nonviolent training process of developing a
relationship or partnership with the horse, a process he terms “Join-Up”. A root principle in the process in one of
free choice. He believes that no one is born with the right to dictate
you must or I will hurt you to any creature, animal or human, violence is never
the answer. Trust is the basis of every moment in the process. In the
trust-bases relationship ground rules are established and agreed upon and
anyone who enters into one must agree to take responsibility for his actions.
Mutual bonding takes place when two develop trust. He points out that the root
meaning for trust in German and Scandinavian is comfort and faithful. Trust
must be established between the horse and him. Join-Up can’t happen if the
horse views him as an untrustworthy leader. Mr. Roberts has found that
what he has learned about the human relationship with the horse applies to the
human-human relationship. The human-human relationship is more complex, being a
more complex animal. We can decide
either to flee or to fight. We can be
predator or prey. This is present in
both our personal and our work lives. Our work situation can be one of having
to make choices not to our liking, those both unnatural and threatening. [The boss says do it or I will hurt you. Lose
favor and no raise. Or you’re demoted. Or you are fired. I know the feeling of
apprehension when told the boss wants to see me in his office.]** He believes
that the work situation can be greatly enhanced through the principles of
Join-Up, where creating through communication and behavior, situations where
the satisfaction of cooperation outweighs the negative reaction to those
unnatural conditions. He feels that humans are not designed to follow strict
set of rules, putting our security into the hands of others. Children that have been abused
quickly learn to protect themselves from attacks by adults. They too become
flight animals and prepared to run from aggressive behavior whether physical or
verbal. A psychological baggage is
developed and in order to be rid of the baggage one must go through a new
learning process to reestablish trust and confidence in adults. So we see this
negative imprinting causes violence to be passed on through families. He too sees the importance of the early time
frame impact on childhood and the resulting behavior patterns. Monty Roberts has the
practical experience on raising children. He and his wife Pat have raised three
biological children and dozens [75]** of foster children. Mr. Roberts had a
great interest in human and animal psychology, and in the mindset of those who
made decisions with such wide-ranging and negative sociological implications of
violence and war. In his studies he came to
believe that many young parents negatively affected their infants even before
they were three months old. His book has excellent information on meeting the
needs of the infant and child and how the child is shaped. He sites examples of making agreements with a
child that had negative consequences for negative behavior and positive
consequences for positive behavior. He
feels it is important to always be honest with yourself and with the child. You
must stick with the agreement of any discipline. After the discipline you give a hug and show
you loved the child enough to help him to learn from a mistake. He gives examples of what the parent does or
doesn’t do impacts the future life of the child. *Also the author of a memoir,
The Man Who Listens to Horses, and an illustrated photo book, Shy
Boy. ** included in brackets
[.....] are my comments. FOR A PRINT OUT OF THE
HANDOUT [10]: CLICK ON “HORSE WHISPERER” BELOW. HORSE WHISPERER
TO SEE HANDOUTS ON
Recommended Michael Gurian books:
·
SEE HANDOUT
[11]: 12R “How Better Protect our Children” by Michael Gurian, CLICK ON
“PROTECT OUR CHILDREN” PROTECT OUR CHILDREN
·
And [12]12U:
“The Wonder of Girls” CLICK ON “GIRLS”. GIRLS
·
AND [13]12S
“Boys and Girls Learn Differently” CLICK ON “BOYS AND GIRLS” BOYS AND GIRLS
·
AND [14] 12R
“Soul of the Child” CLICK ON “SOUL” SOUL
THE FOLLOWING
“SELF-ESTEEM EVALUATION” IS A VERY IMPORTANT PART OF THE WORKSHOP. It was scientifically
designed and from the Southeastern Community College course. There are two
parts to the “Evaluation”. The first
part is a series of statements that you are asked to state if you strongly
ages, slightly agree, are neutral, slightly disagree or strongly disagree. It is important to do
pages 1 & 2 before looking at page 3.
(Of course if you peek you will go blind. Only kidding. But you will get much more
value from the evaluation if you don’t peek..)
THE SELF-ESTEEM EVALUATION ·
DO THE
"SELF-ESTEEM EVALUATION" AS INSTRUCTED. ·
THIS IS VERY
GOOD INFORMATION AND VALUABLE TO HELP RAISE YOUR SELF-ESTEEM ·
You will
learn about areas that did not get developed when a child. Now, as an adult,
you can develop them! ·
REMEMBER
WHERE YOU ARE NOW IS TEMPORARY!! ·
AFTER DOING
PAGES 1 & 2, GO TO PAGE THREE FOR THE “SCORING’ AND “SCORING KEY”. YOU NEED
TO ADD YOUR SCORE ALGEBRAICLY. THAT IS
-1 + (-2) = -3 AND -3 + (+1) = -2. CLICK ON “SELF-ESTEEM
EVALUATION” (HANDOUT [15]) BELOW FOR THE PRINT OUT TO DO THE EVALUATION. SELF-ESTEEM EVALUATION
After doing the Scoring
complete the Graph. FOR A PRINTOUT TO DO THE GRAPH (HANDOUT [16]) CLICK ON
“GRAPH” BELOW. GRAPH
THE SECOND PART IS THE
“INTERPRETATION” OF THE RESULTS WHERE THE REAL HELP FROM THE EVALUATION COMES
FROM. FOR A PRINT OUT OF THE
“INTERPRETATION” SECTION (HANDOUT [17]) CLICK ON “INTERPRETATION" BELOW. INTERPRETATION
It is important to spend
some time on the “Interpretation” section. From it and the “Graph” you will
learn your strengths and weaknesses.
Learn to reinforce the strengths and strengthen the weaknesses by
writing “Affirmations” and “Visualizations”” HERE IS SOMETHING TO THINK
ABOUT BEFORE GOING TO SESSION 4. FOR A PRINT OUT OF HANDOUT
CLICK ON (HANDOUT [18]) “CONSIDERATION 3 BELOW. CONSIDERATION 3
CONSIDERATION 3 1. LISTEN TO YOUR SELF TALK. Reinforce
the positive talk and start work on eliminating the negative self-talk. When
you hear a negative one say: Is that
really true ? Is that in my best interest ?
If not then say: "That's not like me, I'm ........." (the
positive statement of what is in your best interest.). 2. CHOOSE A QUALITY OR
CHARACTERISTIC AND WRITE AFFIRMATIONS. TO MAKE THEM WORK: 1. Read them several times a day. Say 5-20
times. 2. Visualize them vividly 3. Get the feeling. Create the emotion
that accompany the affirmation. INVOLVE THE HEART ! ·
IMPACT: READ
ONLY - 10% IMPACT READ & PICTURE- 55% IMPACT READ, PICTURE, & FEEL- 100%
IMPACT. Ø
Remember
the process: Read what you have written; Visualize what it is like to be like
that.; Put yourself into the picture, see yourself there and get the feeling of how it is to be like
that. Then commit to that. That is the way I am. (If your Self-Image says “But
I’m not like that” then reply that is the way I intend to be and be a good
actor and act that way. v NEXT SESSION #4 Who are we humans anyway ? What is our heritage ? How do I determine my true personality type ? What important information are we closed off to ? How do we expand our awareness ? Some tools be presented. Learning to relax and opening myself to creative
thought. Where do we go after affirmations and visualizations
? TO GO ON TO SESSION 4 CLICK
ON “SESSION 4” BELOW. SESSION
#3 HANDOUTS [1] 11.
WRITING AFFIRMATIONS - STEPS TO IMPRINTING [2] 10.
DEVELOPING POSITIVE VISUALIZATIONS: GUIDELINES [3] 10. A. Build Self Confidence, Overcome Worry [4] 10. B. Barbara Braun: I am loving and
kind...& Bill Lilly: Visualizations [5] 12B. EXCERPTS: I AM YOUR CHILD, THE 1ST
YEARS LAST FOR EVER [6]
12B-2 A PARENT’S GUIDE TO EARLY BRAIN
DEVELOPMENT [7] 12H.
EARLY CHILDHOOD AID [8] 12M. THE
IMMATURE BRAIN [9] 12J.
CHILD DEVELOPMENT WEB SITES [10] 12A1 A
MESSAGE FROM A HORSE WHISPERER [11] 12R “How Better Protect our Children” [12] 12U
“The Wonder of Girls” [13] 12S
“Boys and Girls Learn Differently” [14] 12R
“Soul of the Child” [15] 9. SELF
ESTEEM EVALUATION [16] EVALUATION
GRAPH [17] 9A. INTERPRETING SELF ESTEEM SCORES [18] CONSIDERATION
3