Your Evological Horrorscope


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Your Monthly
Evological Horrorscope

The Evological Horrorscope is a special way to tell you about yourself and what you can expect in life.

Evology (not to be confused with astrology) readings are conducted in the following way:

Swami Aintchomommy (pictured above) throws down some bones of a transitional fossil. And just by reading the pattern in which they land, he can tell all this unbelievable stuff about you.

So far, Master Swami hasn't found any transitional fossils to throw down, so he has had to resort to plan "B". This method includes trekking out to the closest quarry (or recently erupted thought-to-be-dormant volcano) and reading the exposed rock strata.

Theses amazing geological strata never lie! They can even tell the true age of your mother-in-law. So with that being said, let's look at this month's reading...

This month is:
"STEMINI"

If you were born this month, you fall under the sign of Stemini.

Your Evological sign is the Vampire Bat with a stick poking out of its eye.

And being a Stemini, you have the following characteristics:

1) Just like this freakish creature that can't decide what it wants to be in life (a bird or a rodent), you can't decide what to be in life either.

You are constantly miserable and in a state of indecisiveness. And as such, you can't hold down a steady job either.

Unable to pay the bills, all of your utilities have been shut off forcing you to live in a dark and damp place. And this mode of existence leads to the next characteristic.

2) You are constantly living off of the blood, sweat and tears of other people. In fact, there is a high probability that you are an in-law to someone somewhere.

You hop from person to person extracting whatever you can out of them, only to disappear into the night and return again some other time.

But you see absolutely nothing wrong with this, which leads to trait number three.

3) Having an amazing paradoxical blindness, you see and concentrate on all the faults in others, but never your own.

You constantly judge others in order to feel better about yourself and your situation, but you don't really know that you are doing it.

It is amazing that a creature so blind can get around in life, but it happens. Everyday.

You are . . .

Your Monthly Evological Horrorscope

This month is: "STEMINI"

STEMINI

Your Monthly
Evological Horrorscope

This month is:
"STEMINI"