Alternate Resurrection Theory of the Month


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Theory # 3, 2, 1 - The Angel Has Landed

If the truth be known, the story of Jesus was a conspiracy of the Roman government. The whole thing was faked.

And there is good reason for this. The Romans had long kept an eye on the people who would later become known as Russians. And these people had better technology in certain areas, especially in religion.

These predecessors of the Russians were on track to, through certain breeding practices, produce the perfect religious figure. So the Romans knew they had to do something - and quick!

The answer was simple, be the first to produce a perfect religious figure, but fake it in order claim the winner of this "alms race".

The rest of this article will show the evidence of how this Jesus story was produced - and fooled the world!

First, if we study the scriptures, we notice a eerie preoccupation with the public water supply. Here are some examples:

John 2:7 Jesus said to the servants, "Fill the jars with water"; so they filled them to the brim.
John 2:9 and the master of the banquet tasted the water that had been turned into wine. He did not realize where it had come from, though the servants who had drawn the water knew.

Mark 1:5 The whole Judean countryside and all the people of Jerusalem went out to him. Confessing their sins, they were baptized by him in the Jordan River.

John 3:23 Now John also was baptizing at Aenon near Salim, because there was plenty of water, and people were constantly coming to be baptized.

Luke 16:24 So he called to him, 'Father Abraham, have pity on me and send Lazarus to dip the tip of his finger in water and cool my tongue, because I am in agony in this fire.'

John 4:7 When a Samaritan woman came to draw water, Jesus said to her, "Will you give me a drink?"
John 4:10 Jesus answered her, "If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water."
John 4:11 "Sir," the woman said, "you have nothing to draw with and the well is deep. Where can you get this living water?
John 4:13 Jesus answered, "Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again,
John 4:14 but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life."
John 4:15 The woman said to him, "Sir, give me this water so that I won't get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water."

Matt. 10:42 And if anyone gives even a cup of cold water to one of these little ones because he is my disciple, I tell you the truth, he will certainly not lose his reward."

Luke 13:15 The Lord answered him, "You hypocrites! Doesn't each of you on the Sabbath untie his ox or donkey from the stall and lead it out to give it water?

Now, in Mathew 27:34 we notice that Jesus was offered a drug from a plant called Gall. It was a bitter resin added to the analgesic potion given to criminals before crucifixion to deaden their pain.

And it is entirely likely that this drug could also be a mild hallucinogenic. It COULD happen!

Our theory is that the Jesus production team drugged the water supply, baptized them in it or made them literally drink from it, thus making them susceptible to mass suggestion.

Notice Mark 14:13 - So he sent two of his disciples, telling them, "Go into the city, and a man carrying a jar of water will meet you. Follow him.

Who was this mysterious man? Was it really just "water" in this jug?!? We think NOT!

Now that the whole countryside was drugged, they were herded into a giant cave (thus the origin of the shepherd/sheep genre) which had been turned into a giant "studio". In this studio is where the Jesus people (Romans) acted out their deceitful play of miracles.

It is well known that the Romans had perfected the science of "theater" and turned it into an art form. And this was no exception!

They employed an elaborate system of ropes and pulleys to produce ascension/descension scenes. And more than likely they had hired some Egyptians (known as Mythological Light & Magic) for the breath-taking "miracle" FX.

The low light in said cave would also have been low enough to hide props which were meant not to be seen.

And the blind fools bought it! The Romans actually pulled it off.

The world would never be the same again.

Also offered as evidence, we have uncovered never before seen photographs dug up by professional archaeologists when they discovered the Gospel of Thomas.

Proceed to Part 2