Frank B. Finite (a "true" atheist)
Alternate Resurrection Theory of the Month
The "Official Church Leaders" Page
Welcome Brethren of Church Leaders
Hail to our founder!
Hail Constantine!
Greetings fellow church leaders.
I have to skip the monthly report and get directly to business. As you may or may not have heard, our atheistic enemies are increasing in number (which they are all too eager to point out).
A quick study of the number of sites at Yahoo! Geocities will paint the picture clearly. Go to the "Religion and Beliefs" category and take a look see.
You will notice that (as of 5/21/01) there are 137 atheist sites listed. And you might as well add the agnostics sites too (they are not fooling anybody). They have 43 sites listed, which brings the total to a whopping 180 enemy sites!
Now look at the Christianity category. Sadly there are only 8,438. This leaves a margin of only 8,258 more Christian sites.
Now, some of you will want to add all the other religious sites to inflate our numbers, but I need to let you in on another secret. All those other sites were added by our organization for diversionary reasons.
Buddhism, Judaism, Hinduism, Interfaith, Occult, Paganism, Bahai - yes, ALL of them.
Go ahead, take a minute to recuperate from that hard hitting news.
Now, as you can see the situation is approaching critical. We are going to have to change our ways if we are going to keep our current standard of living.
Do you like your fancy cars and big houses? Are you used to eating at five-star restaurants seven nights a week? Will you be upset if your vacation days are decreased from 90 to 60 per year?
By the way, congratulations to Skippy for winning the Mother Teresa estate raffle. I heard you made out like a bandit! It's amazing how much wealth she accumulated, and in India for heaven's sake.
I know you had to do some dirty politicing and back stabbing to manuver yourself into a position to win, but as you can see it was well worth it.
May Mother "I pity the fool" T. and Skippy be a role model to us all. Amen.
Anyway, back to the topic at hand . . .
With all of this increased atheism traffic around us we are going to have to resort to alternate modes of communication. It has already come out that the Catholic church and all the protestant churches are all secretly ONE organization. That is why they refer to all of us as "the church" (singular).
So the organization has devised a chart of secret hand shakes and signals. Take a moment to review and memorize them . . .
Chart A
Hi fellow power hungry leader.
Hail Constantine!
Down with atheists!
I had some good Roman food.
Science means this much to me.
I slipped by some atheists today.
I spied on some atheists today.
I struggled with an atheist today.
I defeated an atheist today.
An atheist defeated me today.
I had to lie some today
I had to lie a lot today.
I had to evoke the wrath of God.
I had evoke the fear of hell today.
I had to use temptation today.
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