Table of Contents
Page 28 - Alternate Resurrection
Page 35 - "The Book of Chances"
Page 42 - The Evolutionary Classifieds
Page 49 - The "Official Church Leaders" Page
Page 56 - Letters to the Editor
Page 77 - Contact the fools - How you ca contact the us
Where are they now?
Learn whatever happened to your
favorite skeptic
You probably have heard by now of the rumor that when Charles Darwin died he repented of his sins, gave his life to Jesus Christ (the Son of God), and barely made it in (to heaven) by the skin of his teeth.
This is false. He never converted.
In fact, he never really died.
Yes, Charles was very ill at one time, but he quickly recovered. It was a case of swoon.
Shortly after recovery, and "moved" by his near-death experience, Charles set out on a spiritual journey - to India.
He caught the next trade ship headed in that direction and would never return. But half way there, a storm arose and the ship went down.
Before the ship went under, he decided to have faith and walk on the water to the little island in the the not-so-distant distance. But this failed, and since Darwin couldn't swim, he went under faster than the ship did.
Luckily, Charles was fat enough to float and he washed ashore some hours later. He lay motionless, but he wasn't dead - it was another case of swoon.
He awoke later that evening to the sound of natives dancing about him. They had built a fire and concocted the "emergency medical technician" spirits to aid in his recovery.
It worked. Feeling much better, he decided to help out and add some wood to the fire. But the heat of the fire drove out a snake and it bit him on the hand.
He fell down as dead, but it was yet just another case of swoon.
It was nothing but a harmless garden snake, but since Charles suffered from reptiliaphobia, he passed out . The natives had had enough of this sissy and took him to the owner of the island, Dr. Moreau.
The good doctor gave him some concoction that not only helped revive him, but it made Charles a new man! Dr. Moreau gave him a boat with supplies and quickly escorted him off the island for some strange reason.
A month later Charles finally made it to India, but he had lost a lot of weight. He sought out learning from the wisest of people, and he, himself, grew in wisdom and stature.
Charles learned many things, but the most important was that not only were monkeys on equal footing with man there, but actually monkeys are superior to man and have run of the place.
It wasn't long before Darwin was known as a great teacher and was himself very revered (but still not as much as monkeys).
Charles never seemed to age any more after ingesting that weird potion on the island of Dr. Moreau. Interesting . . .
Anyway, he set out on another journey - to America.
It is believed that Darwin is a biology teacher at some remote rural high-school in Kansas.
It is also rumored that he hopes to one day be labeled as the savior of the human race in which people would debate whether he had ever been to India or not, just like Jesus.
Here, an emaciated Charles Darwin and Mahatma Gandhi
exchange views on the rising political turmoil of that time,
and also on the mating habits of the web-toed yellow-bellied
sap-sucker chicken-finch.