Surgeon General Richard Carmona is shown here moments after voluntarily receiving a smallpox vaccine. He did so to alleviate the concerns of U.S. health care workers. "I feel fine," he laughed, "even with my feet on fire and that purple spotlight shining in my ears. Hey, is that Jesus?"(03/12/03) President Bush worked the phones on March 10th, trying to rally support from international leaders on a new U.N. resolution seeking a deadline of March 17th for Saddam Hussein to fully disarm. "Don't you see," he pleaded, "I wants to start my war on Saint Patricks Day when the American peoples are too drunk to notice or care." (03/11/03) President Bush, shown here in a rare prime-time session with reporters on Thursday night, spoke of an upcoming war with Iraq. "Only Saddam Hussein can prevent this war," Bush said, "and he can only do that by disarming his evil regime and then allowing me to tear the still-beating heart from his chest with my hand." (03/07/03) Determined to cast no doubt on the guilt of Saddam Hussein and terrorist acts, the CIA today released this grainy satellite photo showing the Iraqi dictator firing a gun that they suggest may have brought down the space shuttle Columbia. "We can't yet exactly say that he shot it down," said one intelligence insider, "but it is rather suspicious that he's firing his weapon into the sky."(03/05/03) Alleged September 11th mastermind Khalid Shaikh Mohammed was captured over the weekend as he attempted to sneak into the United States by impersontaing pornographic actor Ron Jeremy (insert). "He was pretty convincing looking, but as soon as we did a routine strip search we knew it wasn't the Hedgehog. Let's just say this guy came up a little short," quipped the airport security officer who captured Mohammed. (03/03/03)