To be with You
~By
Lovely-chan~
Tears. Endless tears fell down without
stopping for the grief his heart carried. Only a few weeks had
passed since that day…the day his love had gone. Painfully, the
young man snuggled in bed squeezing the picture frame that has his
beloved’s image. His lover was gone-gone to never again to be seen
by his beautiful blue eyes. His body was trembling and he tossed
against the sheets in the bed he crying in.
The young man’s heart was completely broken
and somehow it couldn’t find what to do to forgive himself for
breaking his lover’s heart and killing him. He insisted he killed
his lover in the same instant he chose her instead of him… For Kouin,
his beloved Yutaka died before the shot hit his body. “I killed
you…I killed you…”
Mentally he wasn’t doing very well; every
night the same nightmare, and his guilt wouldn’t let him live. “I
love you Yutaka…please forgive me…forgive me because I…I can’t
forgive myself.” He tried to calm down and sit up straight in the
bed, but once again he gazed at the picture. “Yuyu…my love, my
beautiful…what did I do?” His fingers caressed the image while his
tears covered the crystal protecting it. “I will always love you…I
promise.” Once again he lay in bed and played the music of his
beloved- music dedicated to him, hopefully just to fall asleep. Only
with the sound of his voice was Kouin able to close his eyes and try
to forget.
***
Outside the white walls of the Main City of
Angels, rain fell strongly with a cold breeze that could penetrate
even the thickest walls of the city. Although they had very advanced
methods keeping the weather inside the city controlled, a man who’s
sleep was disturbed by his feelings, felt the coldness of the night.
His body trembled next to his mate, but his body was in cold sweat.
“Yutaka!” He murmured on his sleep, tossing
and shaking his head to the sides. “No…” He was having the same
nightmare that had been repeated for many nights, but time
eventually made that nightmare cease. But now that nightmare was
back- without any reason. “YUTAKA!!” cried as he woke up-eyes wide
open, body sweating and shaking heavily. He panted quickly, trying
to catch his breath. “Yutaka…” His voice was melancholic and his
eyes were sad, twinkling with tears. It’s been so long since I last
have this dream…why now? Why again? Will I ever heal my heart? He
looked to the transparent wall in his room-seeing the harsh storm.
“A storm? I’ve never seen a storm since I’ve lived here…I wonder if
everything will be alright…” He stepped from his bed, walking closer
to the crystal of the wall. He looked down, trying to look the
ground, but it was hopeless; all the cities were hundreds of feet
above the ground and all he could see was the endless abyss. He
sighed and once again his thoughts flew back to his dream and his
eyes filled with tears. 'My love…I though you were resting in peace,
but you came back after me…why? It’s been so long…feels like the
weather is reflecting my feelings…' Reluctantly, he went back to bed
and sat down still gazing at the crystal wall.
“Kouin…” His mate slid next to him and
caressed his back. “Since when have you started having your
nightmares again?”
“Since tonight.”
“I though you would’ve forgotten about that
already…after all the therapy you went through…you still suffer for
it?”
“Kai…forgive me. I didn’t mean to wake
you…go back to sleep.”
“No.” She was silent but very thoughtful.
Her hands brushed his hair softly and lovingly trying to calm him a
little, but she knew it was impossible. She knew how much those
nightmares affect him, so she kissed his cheek. “Come on sweetie…try
to sleep.” She slid her hands down his chest and kissed his back
seductively. “Let’s make love.” She whispered into his ear, trying
to make him forget what was troubling him.
“NO!” He was disturbed, he harshly stood up
avoiding her touch.
“Kouin…let me love you.”
“I’m sorry Kai. I don’t want to.”
“Kouin…I am tired of it. You never want to
spend time with me like you used to. Why do you never make love to
me anymore? Why?”
“Kai…”
“You are here with me but your heart…I
can’t compete with a ghost! I can’t! I want you to love me the way
you used to…”
“That…that won’t happen again Kai Ling.
You…missed your chance to show me your love. Someone else took your
place and I…I haven’t been able to erase that feeling.”
“I though the therapy…-”
“Therapy won’t cure my broken heart, it
only helped me to realize I lost him forever.” He laid back, closed
his eyes, leaving his mate crying hopeless. 'Forgive me Kai…but I
can’t stop my heart from hurting…'
“Kouin…”
“What?”
“Please…love me.”
“Kai…we should stop pretending. I mean…we
don’t have to be together. I am suffering for my wrong decision; you
don’t have to pay along with me. You are young and I know you can
find your true happiness.”
“I won’t leave your side.”
“That’s your decision…don’t blame me then,
but if you wish to go, you are free.”
“I won’t leave you…I love you.”
“Please…stop lying.”
“I don’t lie!”
Yes you do. “I’m tired.” He closed his eyes
and tried to sleep, but he couldn’t. 'I don’t want to live this
way…a lie. I don’t love her and she…'
***
In the morning, a young man got on a
transport and flew to the Main City hoping his life would finally
change. Maybe now I can find something or someone. A new life for
me! The wind blew through his white hair as he rode quickly through
the sky with a hope of a new and much better tomorrow. “There it is!
WOW! It’s so pretty!” He called to the Gates to ask for permission
to land- and soon receiving and ok, he slowly he landed and placed
his small transport where indicated. “Finally…The Main City of
Angels.” He happily walked to the area’s office and asked for a
room. There were few rooms left. “No rooms? But…I came all the way
from the Village, I’ve been traveling for hours!”
“I’m sorry, kid. You have to return.”
“But…” His face showed extreme sadness-he
though he could stay.
“You should’ve sent a message before you
came so we could locate a place for you. Didn’t you know the rules?”
“But my master told me I could come. I
though the city was big enough.”
“It is…we just have too many people living
here. Everyone wants to come here, and we just can’t let all angels
stay.”
Suddenly, another angel came-a higher level
angel. “I need a room; I came from the North side to live here, it
gets cold at night and I hear the weather here is nicer.”
“It is. Very well.” The man answer politely
and slowly bowed. The low level angel had heard it and wondered why
he was being rejected-he knew the laws.
With a disappointed look, he walked to the
man assigning rooms. “Why he can have a room and I can’t?”
“He is a higher angel than you, that’s
all.”
“But any angel can live in any city! That’s
a rule! It’s not fair!”
“I decide who stays and who goes, get it?
You’re an orphan and a simple low angel, so…I won’t let you in.”
His eyes reflected shock; he’d been taught
all his life that everyone was equal in Tengoku and that no matter
what kind of angel you were, people were supposed to be treated
equally. “But…”
“I said go! Don’t bother me! I’m not giving
you a room.”
“I’ll report you! You must give me a room!”
The young man was desperate, he had an appointment for the next day
with the City’s Orchestra and he really wanted to be there.
“Who says?”
A tall man walked up close to him, he’d
been listening carefully to all the conversation and with a strong
voice said: “I do!”
“Master Chidou!” He stood up and bowed. “I
didn’t see you come in. I was told you’d come tomorrow.”
“I came earlier to surprise you all. Now,
give this child a room.”
“Y-yes.” The man hastily agreed, but wasn’t
very happy about it. He gave him the worst room- a room that wasn’t
even supposed to be used. It was abandoned and very far from the
others. In Tengoku all the people lived in community, they had their
own rooms but shared things like kitchens, tables, and sometimes
even the bathrooms-although many had bathrooms in their bedrooms.
They were used to sharing everything and giving without asking for a
favor in return, yet some didn’t agree with the policy. They did as
they pleased without letting others know about it. “Give me your
data chip.” He took it from the low angel, with a sour look, then
entered all his info and gave back the chip. “Here you go, little
one, the room number and the map is in your chip.”
“Thanks.” The young man left happily,
following the map projected by his bracelet. When he got to the
door, he enter a code and put his hand on it, and it instantly
opened. When he saw his new home, he was extremely disappointed.
“This is my room? How ugly! Man, I have to clean A LOT!” He sighed.
“I though they were supposed to be neat. Even my room in the Village
was better.” He put his things in a corner and left to the outside
of the city-he didn’t want to clean, just get to know his new home.
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