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[ Rude Jokes ]
Two nuns are sitting in a trafic jam, waiting for the lights to change, when a vampire suddenly appears in front of the windscreen. "Oh no, what shall we do," stammers the younger nun. "Don't worry sister," replies the older of the pair. "Simply show him your cross." So the younger nun winds down the window, and yells, "Get lost, you blood-sucking little git!"
Q/ "What do you call an aardvark who gets beaten up by a smaller aardvark?"
A/ "A vark"
Q/ "What do you call an aardvark who beats up ten other aardvarks?"
A/ "A well-aardvark"
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson are out camping. As they lie looking at the stars, Holmes says, "Tell me Watson. What do those stars tell you?" "Well Holmes," replies the doctor, "They tell me a number of things. Firstly, the universe is made up of numerous balls of hydrogen, all burning at thousands of degress centigrade. Also, they tell me that in an infinite universe, we are small and insignificant. Lastly, they tell me it is a clear sky, and we will have good weather tomorrow. Why, Holmes, what do they tell you?" "Elementary, my dear Watson," replies Holmes. "They tell me someone's nicked our tent."
A polar bear is sitting on an iceberg with his mum. "Mum," he asks, "Am I really a polar bear?" "Of course dear," his mum replies. A few minutes later, he aks again. "Look," his mum replies, "I'm a polar bear, your dad's a polar bear, so you're a polar bear!" Another couple of minutes go by, and he asks again. Annoyed, his mum shouts "Yes! Why do you keep asking?" To which the baby polar bear shrieks back; "Because I'm absolutely freezing!"