Application To Be A Redneck

Name:

Nickname:

CB Handle:

Address (RFD No.):

Daddy (if unknown,list 3 suspects):

Mamma:

Neck Shade:

Light Red Medium Red Dark Red

Number of teeth exposed in full grin:

Upper :

Lower :

Name of Pickup owned:

Height of Truck:

Truck equipped with:

Gun Rack
4-Wheel Drive
Confederate Flag
Cassette Deck
Load of Wood
Hijacker Shocks
RadarDetector
Mag Wheels
Dual CB Antennas

Spittoon
Camper Top
Air Horns
Mud Flaps
Toothpick Holder
Mug-Grip Tires
Racoon Hide
Big Dog

Number of empty beer cans on
floorboard or in bed of pickup:

Bumper Stickers:

Eat More Possum
My other car is a piece of shit too
Honk if you're horny
If you ain't a cowboy you ain't shit
Redman Chewing Tobacco
Wave if you're horny

Does your truck contain some part painted the official state color of Primer Red?

Yes
No

Define the following (must be 90% correct):

1. Grits		11. Cobbler
2. Goobers		12. Fatback
3. Pinto Beans		13.Tote
4. Collards		14. Chickin' Fry
5. Sidemeat		15. Poke
6. Sawmill Gravy		16. Tater
7. Turnip Salad		17. Pig Skins
8. Shit-on-a-Shingle		18. Okrie
9. Redeye Gravy		19. Shonuf
10.Soppin'		20. Chitlins

Favourite Vocalist:

Reba McEntire
Conway Twitty
Loretta Lynn
Hank Williams Jr.
Randy Travis
Ray Wylie Hubbard

Tammy Wynette
Slim Whitman
Porter Wagoner
Willie Nelson
George Jones
Box Car Willie

Favourite Recreation:

Square Dancin'
Possum Huntin'
Skinny Dippin'
Craw Daddin'
Gospel Singin'
4-Wheelin'

Drankin'
Spittin'
Backy Bill Chip Throwin'
Honky Tonkin'
Noodlin'
Other

Son(s) Name:

Bubba Jim Bob

LeeRoy J.D.

Daughter(s) Name:

PammySue Daisy

Paulette Violet

Weapons owned:

Deer Rifle
Sawed-off Shotgun
Varmit Rifle
Tire Iron

Power Chain Saw
Pick Handle
Hick'ry Switch

Number of Dogs:

Type:

Blue Tick
Black & Tan Beagle

Bird Dawg

Number of Dependants:

Legal

Claimed

Number of Weeks Unemployed:

Number of Welfare Checks Received:

Cap Emblem:

John Deer
Coors
Budweiser
Vo-Tech Skoal

McCullock Chain Saws
NAPA
Smile If You're Not
Wearing Underwear

Length of Right Leg:

Length of Left Leg:

How many cars do you have jacked up on blocks in your front yard?

How many kitchen appliances will you keep on your front porch?

Will you wear mostly double-knit polyester pants with snags?

Do you own any shoes?

Yes
No

If yes, how many?

What year did you last purchase shoes?

Are you married to any of the following:

Sister
Cousin
Sow

Do you know her name?

Yes No

Does your wife weigh more than your pickup?

Yes No

Can you sign your name and get the spelling right every time?

Have you ever stayed sober for a whole weekend?

Yes No

If so, why?

Can you count:

Past 10 with your shoes on? Yes No
To 21 with your fly up? Yes No

Do you know any words that have more than 4 letters?

Yes No

Have you ever had more than one bath in a week?

Yes No

Medical Information:

Do you have at least two of the following:

BO
Crabs
Head Lice
Rabies
Trench Mouth
Runny Nose
Bad Breath
Chafing

IF YOUR APPLICATION IS TURNED DOWN, YOU MAY BE
STILL QUALIFY TO ATTEND AUBURN UNIVERSITY.
THEIR STANDARDS ARE SLIGHTLY LOWER.

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> Hangovers
> Computing Poem
> Barbies Letter
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> Ignoranus

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