Stupid Quotes
WHENEVER YOU FEEL PARTICULARLY STUPID, READ THIS...
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should
not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever,
then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which
is why I would not live forever." * Miss Alabama in the
1994 Miss USA contest
"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all
over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny
like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
* Mariah Carey
"Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some
of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers
also discovered other similarities between the two, but can't
remember what they are." * Matt Lauer on NBC's Today show,
August 22
"I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply
with the law" * David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering
accusations that he failed to pay his taxes.
"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important
part of your life." * Brooke Shields, during an interview
to become spokesperson for a federal anti-smoking campaign
"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of
my body." * Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball
forward
"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest
crime rates in the country." * Mayor Marion Barry, Washington,
D.C.
"They're multipurpose. Not only do they put the clips on,
but they take them off." * Pratt& Whitney spokesperson
explaining why the company charged the Air Force nearly $1000
for an ordinary pair of pliers.
"We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees."
* Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks
"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our
papers. We are the president." * Hillary Clinton commenting
on the release of subpoenaed documents
"China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese."
* Former French President Charles De Gaulle
"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death
by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it." * A congressional
candidate in Texas
"The government is not doing enough about cleaning up the
environment. This is a good planet." * Mr. New Jersey
contestant when asked what he would do with a million dollars.
"When I have been asked during these last weeks who caused
the riots and the killing in L.A., my answer has been direct and
simple: Who is to blame for the riots? The rioters are to blame.
Who is to blame for the killings? The killers are to blame."
* Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle on the complex social
issues behind the Los Angeles Riots.
"I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country
away from them. There were great numbers of people who needed
new land, and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for
themselves." * John Wayne
"Half this game is ninety percent mental." * Philadelphia
Phillies manager Danny Ozark
"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's
the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." *
Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle (again!)
"Without censorship, things can get terribly confused in
the public mind." * General William Westmoreland
"What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have
a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is." * Former
U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle (AGAIN!) at a fundraising event
for the United Negro College Fund. (He was attempting to quote
the line"a mind is a terrible thing to waste".)
"If you let that sort of thing go on, your bread and butter
will be cut right out from under your feet." * Former
British foreign minister Ernest Bevin
"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
* Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle (OMG!! - Was this guy
really Vice-FUCKING-President?)
"After a short commercial break, I'll introduce you to
Kansas City's latest murder victim." * WDAF-TV news anchor
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