Plot:
A man is riding a horse. Somebody wakes up Wyatt (name isn't given). He grabs his gun and goes out to meet the approaching stranger (lets call him Festus). Will has been
waiting for 20 years.
Gunfight in the streets. Will and Festus face off. Can almost cut the tension with a knife. They start shooting and miss each other. The villagers laugh at these two old guys
that couldn't hit each other. Then, the guys demonstrate they could have filled each other full of lead. Well, after this manly show of whatever it is called....They have to go to the
local cantina. Over drinks they muse over how they hate being old, afraid of being shot in the back, etc... Will and Festus think about how all the gunfighters are dead. The best
gunfighter of them all is a man with a machine gun. But, they forgot his name.... We know who that greatest gunfighter of them all is, don't we?
A steamboat is coming up the river. The peasants aren't revolting but getting out of Dodge as fast as they can. However, Will and Festus grimly march towards the river. An
evil military guy is targeting the gunfighters. A cannon barrage lands right in front of them. As they both die, one of them realizes the name they forgot was Django...
Splitting wood in monastery....That ought to be a song, maybe a chant. Well, some lady wants to talk to Django, who doesn't want to use weapons again. He's living a
life of monk, hasn't taken his vows yet. He learns that he has a daughter.
Django goes to the village that was attacked. Remember the prologue where the old gunfighters died, that is the village. Men have been hung. Bodies are strewn
everywhere. Django finds out that the lady, who talked to him in the monastery, is dead and the daughter, Mariposa, taken on the slave ship.
Orlofski, or Captain to simplify spelling, is examining a butterfly. Some servant woman, running around in a leather bikini with plenty of chains, refills his drink. She hears
the slaves crying for water. She whips them. Pours water all over herself right in front of them to make them suffer more. Let’s call her Nina. Can we tell she's evil?
Banditos ride to the dock with a load of slaves. It's night. Django is skulking around the ship. A search party is looking for a runaway slave, who has run right past
Django. Django comes out and is captured and the slave escapes.
Django is interrogated. Captain wants to know why he's here. Nina whispers something in Captain's ear. He realizes Django is here for his daughter. Apparently, they
sell children and capture people for slave labor. Django's daughter is only 7 or 8. Are they evil enough for you?
Welcome aboard, they're expecting you...
They beat Django. Torture him. Django is enslaved on the chain gang. He's now aboard the ship. Wake the slaves up. The crew is picking out whom to throw overboard. The
only good thing is none of the slaves had to walk the plank. Understandably, Django is upset by them throwing live men overboard. Captain has a girl thrown overboard for the
banditos to capture. He then threatens to throw the rest of the girls overboard if Django says as much as one word. We get to see the patent-pending Django stare of rage.
Patent-pending look of rage
Well, the slave ship, the Mariposa Negra, is being unloaded. The ship's name is translated as the Black Butterfly. Django's daughter is named Mariposa. Is Django's
transformation from a monk to a machine gun wielder supposed to mirror the transformation into a butterfly? I've derailed the point far enough for now.
Captain mocks Django. This sucker doesn't know who or how dangerous Django is when pushed. The men are forced to work in a strip mine. A guy falls and breaks his
leg. Django tries to help the man. But, the slavers shoot the man. Slavery is shooting people down like horses when they break a leg. Anyways, Django looks like he is going to
take matters into his own hands. Gunn, Donald Pleasance, prevents Django from doing anything to get killed. Gunn and Django have to haul the body to the river for disposal. We
get the back story on Gunn. He's Scottish entomologist, insect expert that was kidnapped and forced into hard labor by the Captain for not finding a black butterfly: a mariposa
negra. The butterfly is brought up again. Gunn tells Django about Captain Orlofski, a Hungarian. He came to Mexico and after most of the Europeans left he stayed. The slaves
are being used in the mine because better profits if you don't have to pay the workers, etc...
Django and Gun have a plan. Or more to the point Django has a plan to escape and then return to free the slaves. The plan consists of a barrel with Django inside rolling down
a hill. Granted, it isn't much of a plan but it seems to be enough to work.
We see Django with a shovel walking to a cemetery. He stops at a headstone marked with the name of Django. Too bad we couldn't have Guns 'N Roses in the background singing
"Knocking on Heaven's Door" or just the part about taking the guns away. Well, a wagon pulls into the cemetery with a man, woman, and a child. A bunch of banditos are chasing the
wagon. Django keeps digging the grave open. The woman from the wagon is running from the Banditos that are chasing her and have previously killed her husband. She is
surrounded. The undertaker tries to help her but is shot for his trouble. Django finally breaks through the coffin. He offers his opinion that the woman should be left alone.
The Banditos don't particularly like Django offering his opinion. They decide since there is an open grave need to fill it. Django pops out of the grave brandishing his machine
gun. More than brandishing it, he performs a Swiss cheese operation on the malefactors. I got to use the words "Brandishing" and "malefactors" in the same sentence....
This is my boomstick
On the ship, Captain is inspecting some rifles. Apparently, the best way to test a rifle is to shoot natives in boats.
His crew all applauds his shooting. And, I thought the evil guy in the original
DJANGO was bad.
From the shore, Miguel is trying to get a bead on Captain. His shot misses. He is under fire and tries to run off. But, he's being continually chased. Suddenly, a funeral wagon
appears in his path. Django uses his machine gun to mow down the boy's pursuers.
That night, Miguel tells Django that his father was killed and sister sold into slavery. Django tries to get some information about where the girls are. Miguel explains the girls are
taken to the brothel.
The House of Ill Repute. Awfully gaudy place. The Madam tells some senator about fresh arrivals. Knock on the door, a coffin is outside the door. The hired muscle go outside
around the coffin. Django pulls a rope and the coffin explodes.
The wagon drives inside. Django is at his gun demanding the children. Miguel's sister is there and reveals where the children are. Get a touching reunion between Miguel and
whatever his sister is named. Miguel has to man the machine gun while Django looks. Miguel almost immediately puts the machine gun to use.
Django goes upstairs. He finds the girls except his daughter. Before, Django can ponder where his daughter is, next scene.
At Orlofski's stronghold, a new group of slaves are brought. Captain tries to be extra suavay (extra slimy suave) with some new hot chick, Isabelle, that was brought to him. They
still haven't realized that Django has escaped from the mine to cause them all these problems. Captain has the bright idea of questioning Mariposa about the monk. By questioning,
slapping her around. He learns the monk is her father and his name is Django. All of his men start the "Django is dead" speeches which are only slightly less heard than the "Django is
the best" speech I hope to hear later in the movie.
Captain in typical evil military guy fashion orders Django dead. At least, he doesn't order so many pieces of gold for the head of Django. He does order the destruction of all the
funeral wagons in the country. Doesn't that seem a bit extreme? Would it be hard for Django to switch to another type of wagon? Does an evil warlord type have the power to officially
order the destruction of wagons like that? I could see him able to do it in the local area. We're supposed to believe he could virtually bribe the actual government into giving him carte
blanche, I guess. But, that doesn't matter. What matters is Django has a machine gun and plenty of more people to kill before the end of this movie.
At some burning wagon wreckage, an undertaker flags down Django and warns him about people destroying funeral carriages...The slightly crazy undertaker inspects the carriage
and sees the machine gun in the back. Not, scared more in awe. He thinks Django is prepared to defend himself....
On the ship, Nina is less than happy with Isabelle. Captain shows Isabelle his butterfly collection. Strangely, the collection has a gap for the centerpiece: the mariposa negra. She is
disturbed by the dead slaves hung outside. Orlofski forces her to see the slaves mining. He starts talking about how slaves aren't people. They don't appreciate the finer things of
life. And, Montezuma's treasure is in a bank he plans to rob. Something to that effect...
Aren't they pretty?
Orlofski finally learns that the monk has escaped from the mine. So, the monk must be who attacked the House of the Rising Son. Some of Orlofski's bandits are torturing some
guy to learn about Django. The Djangomobile is pulling up. It's a drive-by shooting...If you haven't realized it there was just a drive-by shooting in a western. That I salute. Django
unloads many caps into the banditos. Some of them that survived the first onslaught are pretty mad. Following the wagon on foot, they are gunned down by Django who is on a
roof. The last surviving bandit manages to get a hold of a crying children and their mother for human shields.
The bandit and the hostages are on a balcony. Throws the woman off the balcony, kills her we assume. Miguel manages to use a bola to ensnare the bandit long enough for Django
to "question" him. He gets the info and gives the bandit an exploding cigar. Okay, not an exploding cigar, but a lit stick of dynamite in his mouth. Django gets the kids clear and
Bandito surprise ensues.
At the monastery, some girls are playing. Monks are at their service. Evil military guys drab the crumpled body of one the girls who was playing a minute ago into the
service. Orlofski's Right-Hand Man wants to know about Django. He pushes a monk into the confessional to hear his "confession" and asks for "penance" for what he did to the girl. A
hand shoots through the confessional booth and garrotes Right-Hand Man.
The other military guys are looking for Django, by shooting coffins he could be hiding in. Django manages to use a scythe and decapitate 3 men with one stroke. That
should even impress Jason Vorhees.
Monks see Django. Django has a plan to bait Orlofski. We get a slow motion montage of monks using butterfly nets and painting them black. Django is learning to forge someone
handwriting. Somebody has mariposa negra. He puts the butterfly in the bank that Orlofski will rob. Django is on stakeout at the bank. Spots the boat. It is nice to know that every
village in Mexico is on a river that can be navigated.
Orlofski is marveling at the Aztec jewels. Isabelle is given a huge ring in front of Nina who wants it. Catfight. He stops it. Nina leaves. Cap opens the box and finds the mariposa
negra. It has letter from a famous professor of entomology who died of malaria in the jungle. The location of the butterfly is given.
In the jungle, the might Django, the might Django prepares for a fight. Sue me but "THE Django prepares For a Fight" would be a great parody of "The Lion Sleeps Tonight." We
have the obligatory bonding scene where Django reveals he thinks of Miguel as a son. This kid is pretty useful. He may not a great shot with a rifle but can use a bolo and who needs to
aim a machine gun. The ship is coming. Django can see his daughter onboard.
The gun is ready. A party is heading ashore. Django lines the sights up as a gun is pointed towards his head. The military guys have caught Django and Miguel.
Django is in front of Orlofski, who knew the letter was a forgery. The actual professor he killed himself. For some reason, Captain wants to know who told Django about the bank
robbery. He names a few guys. Django has eliminated them all. Why does this guy continually ignore Django's abilities? Well, Orlofski is going to send Django to the mines again. But,
Django's daughter will be sent there as well. Django, Miguel, and Mariposa are tied up.
Apparently, giving jewels to chicks named "Isabelle", acting extra suavay, enslaving people is just such a turn on. Late 19th century lovin’ ensues. Isabelle up to this point hasn't
really done anything evil. She wants Orlofski to get rid of Nina, which she overhears.
The ship is docking at the mine. As Captain leaves, he taunts Django. The sun is beating down on Django, Miguel, and Mari. Nina cuts Django loose, drags him into a room, and
leaves a knife. When Django wakes up, he doesn't look a gift knife in the mouth. He starts eliminating the military guys. He also frees Miguel and Mariposa. Apparently, the crew is
taking a siesta. Nina has a gun on Django. Shoot him and blame Isabelle's death on him. But, a bolo wraps around her neck thanks to Miguel. He is a handy little fellow to have
around. The mules to drag them to the mine arrive.
At the mine, 3 mules have bodies slung across them. They are being lead by a man with huge sombrero. Who could that be? Of course, it's Django. He finds Gunn, who is
shocked to see Django alive. Heading for the dynamite shack. That's foreshadowing.
Orlofski is getting a production report. The bodies carried by the mules are being strung up. He recognizes one of them as the now life-impaired Isabelle. Suddenly, the watchtowers
are starting to explode. The slaves are running around aimlessly. Django is mowing down the Banditos. He's got hand grenades? Well, they are smaller than a stick of dynamite.
Orlofski gives the redundant order to get Django. Gunn is running around like a madman throwing dynamite. Quite a few buildings have been blown apart.
Captain and his surviving officers head for a building. Django blows it apart. Orlofski survived the blast and has decided what the better part of valor is. The discretion part of that
saying. Django doesn't need a machine gun for Orlofski. A large group of ex-slaves are in the mine and see Captain on the top of a steep slope above them. Django catches up with
him. A sword is drawn by Orlofski which is promptly shot by Django.
The slow deliberate walk of Django as Orlofski retreats and slips. He rolls down the steep hill landing among a large number of ex-slaves that have the idea that slavers aren't the
nicest people. Orlofski gets NASTY DEATH Law applied to him.
Miguel is burying the head of his father that was the hood ornament on the ship. Mariposa wants to stay at Miguel's village. Django rides off to help people in trouble. But, vows
to return....
