Plot:
Philadelphia at night, Marie has been having a hard time finding food for the past week. She's very picky about her food and also very naked. And, I have to say that's
a good thing. She's looking through the newspaper for dinner.
A group of mobsters are meeting in a greasy spoon. They go downstairs and eventually reach Sal "The Shark" Macelli. Babbling Guy, who is meeting with Sal, is well
babbling. A toaster oven is placed on the table. Sal lectures on how microwaves aren't on par with toaster ovens. Magically, a toaster oven is placed on the table. It turns out
Babbling Guy hit a truck and didn't give Sal his share of the action. Well, Sal doesn't take it too well until he releases his anger by beating Babbling Guy about the head with
a toaster oven. Another mobster, Joe, wants Sal to calm down. Sal caps Babbling Guy and is fairly angry that Joe didn't follow orders. The meeting is over.
Tony and Joe leave the meeting together. Tony gives him a gun. Joe is a thief not a shooter. Joe immediately breaks the window out of a police surveillance van. Tony
and Joe split up...
Joe bumps into Marie. She's debating whether Joe might be dinner and decides he isn't dinner quality. Marie walks off and finds Tony. It doesn't take her long to decide
he is dinner quality. Tony tries to be all Rico Suavay with Marie. Have I mentioned Marie is hot? That is a very important fact in this movie. And now back to the movie. He
is going to drive her home. She convinces him to pull off in a park. As Old Blue Eyes is playing on the car stereo, sweet mafia lovin' ensues. Well, Maria is kissing him on the
neck and bites him. Her eyes go red and freaky. Sweet blood drinkin' ensues....The vampire is unleashed. She cleans up and is presentable again. The best way to take care
of the bite marks and the central nervous system, to prevent a Tony vampire, is by using a shotgun. Marie just up and leaves....
Next day, the cops are at the scene. Joe is there, too. We officially learn that Joe is an undercover cop. Tony lost more blood than a shotgun blast to the head
accounts for. District Attorney Sinclair is chewing Joe out for being there. Any of the cops on the scene could be in the mob's pocket and, she wants to pull Joe out.
That night, Marie is looking through another paper. She sees an article with a photo of Joe being labeled as a cop.
Sal is angry, that seems to be pretty much his entire emotion range so far. Manny, his attorney, is trying to have him prepared. Marie is beside his car and not
impressed with him. Eventually, Sal offers to drive her home. While in the car, Sal apologizes, turns all Rico Suavay, and invites her to dinner. And, they go to his place.
He prepares some Italian food, that has garlic in it. Needless to say, it affects Marie. She runs to the restroom. Sal follows her and turns the lights on. Marie is
weakened by the exposure to garlic and light. Well, sweet blood drainin' commences. But, Sal gets a gun and shoots her. The gunshot gets the attention
of Sal's guards who get in at the same time Marie leaves. But, Marie doesn't have time to destroy the central nervous system like she did with Tony.
Joe is in his apartment under protective custody, when he learns that somebody has just whacked Sal. Joe isn't happy with it, wanted to nail Sal and send him to prison. For
a guy under protective custody, Joe gets around a lot and, he's on the scene of Sal's murder. He realizes that there isn't much blood in the room for the damage that was done to
Sal. Joe even mentions that makeup should be under Sal's fingernails. The killer was a female. The coroner notices that Sal's body temperature is rising. But, it doesn't seem to faze him.
Joe is looking around the house some more and, he checks on the roof. Joe follows a trail of blood and, Marie pops out in full freaky glowing eye mode. Joe dives for cover. She
jumps of the roof. And good old Joe who doesn't have that much sense follows her into a church. Marie gets out and climbs into another building. Joe is still on her trail and lets
a dog loose to follow her.
Marie has to be taking the longest clothed shower in movie history. Joe finds a handy ladder on the side of the building and gets in the room shower room where Marie was. He
is still on her trail. Marie manages to grab some new clothes from the church thrift store. She grabs Joe, disarms him, but he has the cajones grande to try to arrest her. She
leaves...
In the morgue, the attendant is wheeling in Sal. It looks like a real busy night there. The Coroner is getting the bone saw ready when Sal sits up. If you ever wanted undead
looking Robert Loggia action, this is your only chance. For an inexplicable reason, Sal is upset and, he runs by every body in the morgue, knocking over tables screaming...
A press conference is being held and, the reporters are waiting for the final word on Sal. He runs right past the crowd and is followed by the morgue attendant
and the coroner. Sal gets away and steals a car.
Joe just hears about Sal's wild ride. Marie jumps off the church onto his car and throws him out. While she's driving away, Joe manages to get in the car.
Manny comes home and finds Sal is there. Sal's disposition hasn't change a bit, wants his lawyer to do something. Sal starts gnawing on pretty raw meat.
Marie is driving. The headlights are bothering her and, Joe takes over. He knows that she is behind the deaths of Tony and Sal.
They arrive where Sal left the car he stole. Joe actually tries to convince the cops on the scene that Marie is the killer. Granted hot skinny French chicks as a whole haven't used
shotguns to blow the heads off of many Mafioso in Philadelphia. They think Joe has cracked and place Joe in a cop car. While Marie acts on innocent and naive, Joe gets the
address of Manny, Sal's attorney. Marie goes to freshen up....
Sal is still eating. Some of his Mob boys are there. Somehow, Sal can smell that Joe is nearby and, he breaks through a window to find Joe. Needless to say, Sal finds Joe. Manny
convinces Sal not to kill Joe on his property. The Mob guys cuff Joe and start to carry him away. Manny is talking with Sal who drains Manny's blood.
Manny's wife is pretty disturbed by everything that has happened. But, she has the presence of mind to get a big honking carving knife from the kitchen before looking for
Manny. She finds Manny's corpse in front of Sal. Apparently, Sal is still thirsty. Before, he can drink her blood; she drives the carving knife through his chest and gets out of
Dodge.
The Mob guys finally get Joe in the trunk of the car. Marie is watching all of this happen. Manny's wife is running around screaming hysterically. A cop finds her and goes
to investigate Manny. Sal and the guys drive off. Marie steals the cop's car and follows Sal.
Sal's car pulls off. They're going to toss Joe into the back of a trash truck. Marie drives up and distracts them. Sal drives away, but Marie follows him after Joe gets in the car.
The immortal questioning what is going on scene as required by law starts. Joe wants to know what happened to Sal. How are Sal and Marie different?
They are chasing Sal. Sweet car chase unfolds or at least a lot of cars spin out. Sal gets in a tunnel as Marie pulls her car into a motel.
Sal starts having smoke pour from his skin when the sunlight hits him and, he goes to a slaughterhouse he owns. Sal has to be very powerful to have Sam Raimi work in his meat
packing plant. Sam is very deferential to Sal. Sal goes to sleep in the cold dark room. Sam calls some of Sal's mobsters...
Marie unfastens Joe’s cuffs.
The cops are at Manny's residence. Angela Bassett orders the cops to find and keep Joe alive. Joe is the star witness against all of Sal's associates. Manny is wheeled into an
ambulance to go to the hospital and, he needs a transfusion.
At the Amore Motel, Marie has taken a shower and insuring the room is dark enough. She starts hitting on Joe who isn't too friendly. Get another Anne Parillaud nude
scene. Thank you, John Landis. Apparently, Marie sleeps naked.
In the hospital, Manny awakens vampirized.
Hiya
The nurse has her back to him and, Manny is right behind her when she pulls open the curtain. The room is flooded with sunlight. And kids, sunlight is bad for vampires. Manny starts
having an adverse reaction to sunlight if smoking and crying out in pain are adverse. The screaming nurse draws the attention of doctors and other nurses, but poor Manny is exposed
to sunlight long enough to fall to pieces.
In the motel, Joe awakens and checks for any bite marks. He starts running her hand down the curve of her back. Marie wakes up and offers her hand to Joe who refuses it. Joe
wants to find Sal when he's still asleep. Marie demonstrates how fast vampires are. They are about to kiss, but Joe refuses. Marie starts kissing his ear. It turns out she really need
sweet sweet lovin'. Joe isn't quite so reluctant. Maria lets herself be handcuffed. We have naked handcuffed hot French chick. In the throws of passion, she breaks the cuffs. And
sweet vampire lovin' ensues. Marie fights the urge to partake of his…People get your minds out of the gutters...Partake of his blood…
Back at the meat locker, some mob guys show up. They find the extremely happy Sal, who is no longer undead looking. Sal converts one of his lieutenants, Lenny. The
other mob guys, Frank and Ray, are pretty freak out by this.
Marie and Joe are getting ready to leave on the hunt for undead Loggia. They are acting all couplely like in movies, all smiling at each other...
Lenny has been converted. Sal and the others head for a logical destination: the titty-bar. It looks really upscale and should be called a gentleman's club or something,
but it has lots of tig-ole-bitties, hence the titty-bar. Sal wants to meet with other mobsters. Sal and Lenny convert Frank and Ray.
Joe and Marie are looking and haven't found Sal, yet...
Disposal mob guys show up to meet with Sal. Frank and Ray convert these two guys.
Marie and Joe keep looking...
The cops head to the titty-bar and, an informant tells them that Sal is there. A bartender warns Sal. They storm the room and only find Frank and Ray and the 2 drained-not-yet
vampires. Sal drops from the ceiling and disarms the cops.
Marie and Joe get to the titty-bar. It's closed for the night. The bartender isn't too friendly. They split up. Joe has to fight and kill Frank. Marie is upstairs and finds one of the
cops dead and, the other one is tied to a chair. Marie has to fight the vampires in the room. She wins by breaking each one of their necks, Joe gets there to untie the cop who is
screaming for him to shoot Marie.
Sal, Lenny, and some other guy are on the roof. Marie shoots the other 2 vampires. When the trigger is pulled on Sal, the gun is empty. Sal wants to know why Marie converted
then tried to kill him and, Marie tries to stab Sal who shoots her. Joe gets to the roof just in time to see Sal jumps off the roof onto the street. Well, to be more precise, he jumps in the
path of a bus and a cab that both crash into him. Joe is hurrying downstairs.
Sal gets up, angry at the ruined suit. He climbs into the bus and beats the driver. Joe and Marie are on the street. Joe sees that both vehicles have leaking gas tanks and throws
a lighter on the growing puddle of gas. The bus and cab explode with Sal at ground zero.
Sal is still standing. He may be on fire and look like a charcoal briquette but is still standing. Sal is ranting about how powerful he is until Joe puts a nice shiny bullet between
his eyes.
Marie is walking off. The sun is about to rise. Joe professes her love for her. In a motel lobby, Joe reveals Marie killing people is more a character flaw than anything. Awww, true
love has been found...
