Plot:
Quality ensues when we get a long screen crawl longer than one screen. A new plague: Nerve Attenuation Syndrome, NAS, is fatal. The cause and the cure are
unknown. Corporations hire the Yakuza to protect them from the LoTeks: hackers, guerilla fighters. The corporations protect their data with viruses. And information
is smuggled by data couriers…in their brains.
In 2021, computer generated cyberspace assaults us. Johnny awakens as the call girl is leaving. We get the impression that Johnny is distant to the fairer sex. Johnny
calls his agent Ralphie. The fee to remove the implant has been risen. One more run will pay for the operation to restore all of Johnny’s memories.
Urban unrest in Beijing, Johnny marches past the disturbances and enters the hotel. In the elevator, Johnny connects the Memory doubler to his implant in the back of
his head. His current capacity is 80 gigabytes. He can now store 160 Gigabytes, and warned not to exceed maximum capacity.
In a hotel suite, a group of nervous scientists are waiting for Johnny. He learns that the data he is to carry is 320 Gigabytes, twice the load he can handle. Well, he lies
saying he can carry the data with no problems. Inadequate capacity will kill Johnny in a couple of days. These guys are very jumpy. Johnny is to take the data to Newark.
A group of Yakuza enter an elevator.
Johnny takes various components from his briefcase. Assembling these things into what will allow him to transfer the data into his head. Well, 320 Gigabytes should
have plenty of room in his noggin. The download code is 3 images from the television. Johnny won’t know the code thus securing the data. By the way, the Yakuza are still
in the elevator.
I am a blank slate.
The upload begins as Johnny gets the trippy 2001: Space Odyssey warp scene. He is straining and groaning. Johnny calms down. The Yakuza finally get off
on the floor the scientists are staying.
Johnny heads to the can to wash up. We see his nose is already bleeding. He does some Tai-Chi to calm down. The Yakuza break into the suite and slow-motion
gunfight begins. One of the scientists is faxing the download code. Johnny faces off against Laser Whip Boy, LWB for short. LWB terminates the fax. Johnny
manages to grab one of the download images and escapes. A scientist tries destroying the other image but LWB manages to take the image.
Newark, in the slums, a plane lands in the nearby airport. Johnny is scanned and is detected to have synaptic seepage. He needs to have it repaired in 24 hours.
The PharmaKom building, LWB meets with the Grief Stricken Boss Guy, GSBG. This is another case of Retrogressive namification Takashi. We learn his
daughter has just died. LWB claims he will take Johnny’s head and with it his power. OK, that last part was from Highlander. They need the data in
Johnny’s head. The scientists that were killed in Beijing worked for PharmaKom and stole the data and wiped it from the company’s computers. Takahashi claims he
will take care of Johnny.
Johnny calls Ralphie. His response to any adverse action is whine and gripe. Ralphie promises to get the data out of his head.
In the futuristic club, Spider, Henry Rollins, wants Jane to undergo some more tests. Jane is another victim of Retrogressive Namification. She is a body guard and
wants Ralphie to hire her. He claims her implants are cheap street trash. He does offer to give her a job in the human interaction entertainment field. Jane storms away angrily,
vowing to get back at Ralphie. A taxi stops.
You mean it will be years before I'm topless in Starship Troopers?
Johnny is watched by J-Bone. Johnny finds the guys he’s to meet. He manages to disarm the Cowboy hat wearing guy. An explosion later, he manages to get away
from the other guy. J-Bone and unnamed teen, Dead Meat, makes a small noise. The Michael Stipe looking guys kills Dead Meat. J-Bone is over Dead Meat’s body. Michael
Stipe Wannabe who isn’t a Shiny Happy People is going to kill J-Bone. However, the first heroic thing Johnny does is shoot the Michael Stipe sucker. But, Cowboy
hat is closing in on Johnny. J-Bone promptly whacks Cowboy. They’re even. We learn that J-Bone runs the LoTek headquarters.
Later, Johnny grabs Ralphie. The Rupaul wannabee captures Johnny. Jane spots Rupaul carrying a guy with Ralphie in tow, too. She decides to investigate it.
Johnny awakens. LWB will get Johnny’s head. Johnny offers to give them the data. That isn’t a good enough solution. There’s a better chance to get the data from
his head than trying to download it. Jane is watching from a vent. She springs into action. Ralphie tries buying her off. But, Johnny offers her more to get him out. Several
sharp thrown objects later, Jane and Johnny are escaping. Jane is beating the fire out of Ralphie’s bodyguard Skank. LWB gets angry at Ralphie’s
whining. He cuts him into several unequal pieces.
Jane and Johnny are on the run. Skank and LWB are in hot pursuit. The LoTeks surround LWB. J-Bone, Jane, and Johnny appear. Some more Yakuza appear. J-Bone
lets Jane and Johnny escape. Jane isn’t letting Johnny out of her sight until she gets paid. Johnny briefly explains what is going on before having a spell.
Takahashi has the full back tattoo of the Yakuza dragon. He is watching a video of his daughter. Ghost woman appears on the screen. She warns him that LWB is out to
destroy him. The courier can give him a new purpose with the data he is carrying.
A few flashbacks and Johnny awakens. Jane used to run with the LoTeks. Johnny explains about his implant. He had his childhood memories removed for the space. An
attempted touching scene is stopped by Johnny demanding a computer.
In a computer store, Johnny has Jane get the necessary equipment. He puts on his Nintendo® Power Gloves and gets online. Johnny does arcane
computer gesturing-fu doing various random gestures in cyberspace ensues. He tries tracing the fax number from Beijing, learning the fax was for Dr. Allcome. He
has another idea.
PH3AR MY L33T NINTENDO POWER GLOVES!!!
PharmaKom is trying to track him. Johnny contacts Strike. We learn that PharmaKom has hired the Yakuza to retrieve the data from Johnny. A virus terminates the
call. Ghost woman contacts Johnny, warning him. Jane grabs Johnny, and they manage to escape.
Takahashi calls a church for Karl or the Street Preacher, Dolph Lungren. He is hired to bring Johnny to Takashi.
Johnny makes another call to PharmaKom for a deal to retrieve the data from his head. Jane thinks he’s out of his gourd. She offers to have him meet Spider. Jane
has a seizure. She has NAS. Johnny takes her to Spider. How can he know where Spider is Jane hasn’t told him?
Spider checks out Johnny. Spider begins a Henry Rollins-esque rant tat NAS is accused by technology, electronics, and information overload.
The LoTeks spot the Street Preacher roaming the streets. Street Preacher has no natural bones left. He kills people to afford new implants.
Takahashi is told that the Ghost Woman was PharmaKom’s founder. She downloaded her consciousness to a computer and is recognized under the artificial intelligence
laws making them citizens.
Back at Spider’s place, Johnny is trying to use a computer but stopped. Johnny explains his problem.
Street Preacher besides being on the streets is well preaching. At the futuristic club we saw earlier. He runs the bartender’s hand in some liquid nitrogen and begins
questioning him about Jane. The bartender spills the beans and mentions Spider.
Spider is scanning Johnny. Jane wakes up. Spider offers to take them to Dr. Allcome. They run into the Street Preacher, literally. Spider, Jane, and Johnny are in the
NAS underground hospital wing tending to NAS victims. Spider reveals the data wasn’t for Dr Allcome. It was “All Come” a code used in hospitals. Johnny plugged
in. Spider tries breaking the download code. Spider can operate although Johnny will lose some motor skills and the ability to remember anything more than 3
minutes. Wait isn't that Keanu Reeves right now...Johnny has the cure for NAS. The cure will save millions, although it will cost Johnny. Johnny storms away…
Street Preacher arrives. And starts beating Johnny, is that a bad thing? Spider and Jane dog pile Dolph Lungren. Spider tries holding Street Preacher for Johnny and
Jane to escape and find Jones. Street Preacher crucifies Spider. Somehow watching Dolph Lungren crucify Henry Rollins seems to be a very strange image.
Johnny calls PharmaKom, still wants to meet. Apparently, Takahashi is using a cyber hand puppet to manipulate a video image of a white guy telling he wants to meet
with Johnny. Ghost woman appears trying to tell him that Johnny has the cure for NAS. But, Takahashi doesn’t hear that part.
At the bridge where the LoTeks hide, Johnny is trying to get a hold of Jones or the LoTeks. A flaming car is dropped and nearly flattens Jane. It only took over an
hour for Johnny to do a single heroic thing. This has to be one of the best monologues in any movie where Keanu Reeves is demanding room service, club
sandwiches, Mexican beer, $10,000 a night hookers, and laundered shirts. It is so off the wall; it must be seen to be believed.
J-Bone finds them and learns Spider wanted Johnny to meet Jones. Johnny has another seizure. They take him to the LoTek headquarters. For being in a bridge it
looks more like a warehouse than anything else.
Takahashi gets his gun and katana ready as he heads to the bridge.
Johnny gets another flashback as Jane checks on him. They start to suckface until J-Bone interrupts them. He’ll take them to meet Jones. Thank you Ice-T, I owe
you for killing the possibility of a Keanu love scene. I’ll try to get a copy of Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo to show my appreciation.
A large open room filled with video monitors is supposed be the feared hackers and data pirates paradise. Jones is a Navy cyborg dolphin. This dolphin looks like the
cyborg version of Darwin from SeaQuest DSV.
LWB and his fellow Yakuza get to the bridge.
Jones will scan Johnny’s head and try to break the code, while the Yakuza scale the bridge.
J-Bone and the rest of the LoTeks prepare to broadcast Johnny’s data worldwide. Jones begins the scan. Jones was modified to scan enemy sub hulls and crack their
software. So, using sonar to find the vacant spot in Keanu’s head shouldn’t be that difficult. Or maybe they can find the spark of intelligence that kept him out of Speed 2.
Yakuza kill several LoTek guards. Various explosions occur. It gets a little hard to follow what is happening. Somehow, Jones can’t scan Johnny anymore. It isn’t
explained why.
Johnny will have to hack his own brain and loop it through Jones. That has to supplant any techno-babble as the most addled tech-jargon I’ve ever heard. Takashi
arrives with katana and gun in hand.
Ghost woman appears on the numerous video screens telling Takahashi that Johnny has the cure for NAS. Are you ready for it? Takashi’s daughter was a protestor and
died of NAS after PharmaKom had a cure for 8 months. It is more profitable to treat it than cure the disease. Takahashi cuts the wire, forcing Ghost Woman from the
monitors. LWB shoots Takashi.
Johnny wields Takashi’s sword against LWB. Gunfight ensues. Somehow, Johnny and LWB are hanging over the river. Johnny uses the laser whip to decapitate
LWB.
Jane spots the Street Preacher as LoTeks battle the Yakuza. The dying Takahashi gives the second download picture to Johnny.
Street Preacher is torturing Jane. Johnny leaps into action. Have you ever wanted to see a toga-clad Dolph Lungren beat Ted “Theodore” Logan? This is your only
chance. Jane lines up a small satellite dish at the street Preacher, and Jones fries Dolph. More explosions ensue. Street Preacher is being electrocuted, he hasn’t
the power. All that remains of him is a flaming charred skeleton. Johnny checks on Jane.
Johnny is going to try to hack his own brain. Ghost Woman tells him to find the 3rd image from his own memory. PharmaKom is erasing Ghost Woman from their
mainframes. Johnny is going to hack PharmaKom? I don’t know why. J-Bone starts the broadcast.
Computer graphics assault us. We get some twisted Lawnmower Man images. Johnny is fighting a virus. The cyber version of Jones the dolphin is swimming
around. Johnny manages to find the last image in his brain. The LoTeks broadcast the cure globally. People throughout the world see the cure.
Flashbacks ensue. Johnny gets his childhood memories back. He falls from the chair as Jane rushes to his side. J-Bone, Johnny, and Jane see the PharmaKom building
on fire in the distance. The place was firebombed in the 30 seconds since the cure was released.
We see the Street Preacher skeleton start to move. Jane is scared. LoTeks dump the body in the river. Johnny and Jane smile at each other as the movie ends.
