Plot:
Note: Don't try to logically follow this movie. Enjoy it as washed out colors on a screen.)
In the jungle, some paramilitary (PM for short) types are pushing this other guy around. They open a coffin and snakes fly out of it. One of the PM starts shooting
at them. One of the PM is grabbed by a thing in a coffin. It gets out of the coffin and starts hopping and has a rotting face and outstretched arms.
Tomas Tang, nooooo....
The other PM is fighting the hopping undead guy. Hoppy kills PM and start drinking his blood. So we've got oriental hopping vampires: Keung si (hopping
vampires). This movie seems like it will be interesting to say the least. Answer, not really...
Next scene, a ship is docking. We see a group unloading for some expedition. Guerillas follow them and start shooting.
A guy in a suit looking like an Evil Gabe Kaplan from Welcome Back Kotter (EGC for short) wants a drug agent, Tom, killed. We can assume this is the Tom from the back of the
box. I couldn't quite follow this part about using vampires to kill Tom.
Some delivery guy is in a spooky room that has a lot of cards with either Chinese or Japanese on them. Delivery Guy throws some rice. Boss scares him and puts bags of drugs
in the coffins with the vampires. They rapidly decay the corpses into the disfigured hopping vampires we know and love in this movie. Something wakes these vampires from
their coffins. They fight with the Boss and Delivery Guy. The crooked Taoist priest (which we don't know about him being a Taoist until near the end of the movie or
never) kung fues the vampires. More of the vampires awaken which are put to sleep by priest guy.
Seaside, EGC is talking to some guy from the ship. A woman is gutting a horse to stuff drugs into it. She sews it back together.
In the spooky vampire room, guys are putting drugs into the coffins again. Some white guys want a demonstration of the vampires. Taoist (from this point VC) creates
the vampires. He gives them garlic wreathes. He starts the ceremony, and Lady Ghost interrupts at this point. Apparently ghosts are cold she's tad bit nipplely and
wear shear see-through tops. She is complaining that her boyfriend is about to be turned into the Vampire Beast, destined to be apart in the afterlife. Lady Ghost wants
revenge for this. She tries to attack the VC who summons the Vampire Beast who has a gorilla head but otherwise is a hopping vampire. Lady Ghost tries to get VB
to recognize her. He then remembers her and the embrace. If that isn't strange enough, the white guys want Lady Ghost to marry the VB, and they'll be able to
control them both.
Gggggrrrrrrr.....
Guys are talking about ending the drug smuggling. PM guys flag down a jeep. Firefight. PM chase them. Apparently, this movie introduced the phase bullet. A type
of bullet that is intangible until it's inside the body where it solidifies and kills the target. That is some pretty high tech weaponry. How else do you explain people falling
over with no bullet holes or bleeding from wounds? VC summons a group of hopping vampires. PM doesn’t know how to handle hopping vampires. VB attacks PM
guys with some type of sparkler or Roman candle attack. VC drives away.
In a low budget lab, they try to save PM guy, Tom, but fail. Some Bearded Guy wants to turn Tom into a robot and goes right to work on it. Better. Stronger, faster was
what they turned Lee Majors into the 6 Million Dollar Man. Lamer, Slower, and in crappy foil asbestos suit turned Tom into Robo Warrior. Imagine Robocop's inbred
cousin from a junkyard.
Step aside citizen
VC wants Mr. Young to eliminate all of the anti-drug agents. He's got a lot of pull order such a powerful drug warlord. A group of people are looking for drugs from
a church. They push the priest around and eventually find drugs in the cross behind the pulpit. When, they are about to kill the priest, a blonde woman, Sophie, starts
a firefight with them. Sophie makes a break for it and almost makes it but runs out of ammo and is captured.
Sophie was captured and it turns out she is a drug agent. Her captors taunt her. She is trying to kung fu them. Greasy Uncle Type (or GUT for short) chases her around the
room. He rips her clothes partially. Sophie starts to sob.
Bearded Guy tells the leader about Robo Warrior being ready for a mission. They need to get Sophie free before she talks. Sophie could reveal most if not the entire
forces of the anti drug forces. I guess they never thought about security of the cells. A mercenary is hired to rescue Sophie.
EGC is at the drug packaging facility. Robo Warrior arrives on the scene to get them. VC and a group are trudging along to the factory. A group of PM anti drug guys
question VC and his group about having the proper identification. VC summons a group of hopping vampires to attack the PM. VB takes care of the rest of them. Robo
Warrior uses his powers to shoot a gun at VB. VC and his crew escape. We get a scene where Robo Warrior calls for medical help for a wounded PM. This scene is supposed
to make you think what could have happened if Robo Warrior could have been saved instead of turned into an "Android Robot."
Mercenary and his group are traveling down the river. EGC and his group surround them. Suddenly, EGC's crew is under fire. So, they retreat. A military guy, Andy, will take
care of them. By the way, he is a friend of the mercenary.
Sophie is tied up. They are actually using the Chinese Water Torture on her. A single drop lands on her head then followed by another which will eventually drive the prisoner
insane. If Andy who has a score to settle with Mr. Young, the mercenary, and his group get to Sophie, they'll rescue her.
In a bustling village, everybody is watching an arm wrestling tournament. Mercenary recognizes one of Sophie's captors by a tattoo on his hand. A photo of the
imprisoned Sophie was sent to the anti drug agents which had a guys hand in the shot with a tattoo on it. Mercenary forces him to talk. GUT orders them killed. Andy
and the group cover the mercenary.
Mercenary forces the guy with the tattoo-hand to talk to learn the whereabouts of Sophie. He starts beating the information out of him. Wendy, Andy's sister, convinces
the mercenary not to kill the tattoo hand guy. Or, they'll never find Sophie.
EGC with a gun is running as Robo Warrior slowly plods along. Fire erupts from the ground. The bad guys start to congratulate themselves for this fact. Robo Warrior
dug into the ground and is no longer imprisoned by the flames. A swarm of hopping vampires surround Robo who tries shooting at them. EGC has a goon use a rocket
launcher. A rocket directly hits Robo.
Back to the drawing board. Bearded Guy starts to repair him. Various power tools are used to make it look like it is technical. We see a power drill and a torch. Robo
gets right back on his feet. In any other movie, people would complain about the cost of Project Reanimate Dead Guy as Unstoppable Killing Machine. That doesn't
happen in this movie. If a robot was that injured they would install some cool new weapons in other films. Not here...
While driving a jeep through a village, a group of guys are trashing the place. Mercenary and his men fight GUT goons. It almost sounds like MASK form the 1980s. Well,
the tactical genius of GUT shines as he orders his men to kill the mercenary and his group. Why order them to kill? Order them to win instead... The stunning military genius
of GUT is outshined and he and his men are forced to retreat. I guess Cobra Commander still has the ultimate tactical and strategic capabilities to inspire his forces.
Mercenary, Andy, and the group are shocked to find the village slaughtered. Some are tied to inverted crosses. This is never explained. Who did it? And why they did? Gut's
men were doing the typical bullying stuff. They keep going on. In another village they find a boy who runs off. As the kid runs back to them, Andy shoots him. Wendy is
shocked by this to say the least. She's going to give him a piece of her mind until seeing the kid was charging them grenade in hand.
We haven't had a bathing scene yet. Until now...Mercenary (who's name is Ray) sees Wendy swimming around naked. He decides to join in. Thankfully, we don't
see more of Ray other than his hairy upper body. They embrace. We get some implied Sweet lovin ensuing.
In a dark place, in the spooky vampire room, VC is at it again. Some kind of ritual. He flies around. VB appears. Lady Ghost is here, too... VB is hot and bothered by Lady
Ghost. Robo Warrior shows up. It looks like VB and Lady Ghost would like some of their own sweet lovin' to ensue. We get a flashback to somebody whether it is Robo or VB
or Lady Ghost when they were alive I couldn't tell. It was too dark...
Lady Ghost uses some kind of super long sock thing to tie Robo with and swinging him around the room. If, they used some lighting we would see a hopping vampire
wearing a gorilla mask fighting the poor man's Robocop, badly.
Mercenary and Wendy are running from EGC and his crew. We get a gunfight. Mercenary and Wendy escape in a cable car over the river. EGC's men use a rocket
launcher on the cable car. But, Merc and Wendy jump from the car into the river. I want to take a minute here to question why there is a cable car across the river in
the middle of a supposed tropical country. Back to the movie, Merc and Wendy are captured by GUT.
Andy and rest of the group sneak up to where they are being kept. The Chinese Water Torture is being used on Merc and Wendy. Some Random Girl frees them if
they promise to let her come with them. Big galoot fights them until Wendy claws his eyes out. Merc, Wendy and Random Girl run for it.
Andy and the group try to storm the compound, under fire. Get to the outside wall. This has to be one of the funniest scenes of the movie coming up. One of them blindly
charges through an opening as the rest of them tell him not to do it. And he is killed with those incredible bullets that don't tear up clothes or cause any external wounds.
I love when you can tell dummies are used in movies. We see a guy falling from the roof. And his limbs are magically able to move in ways that would be impossible to
a normal person. Just start watching some older TV shows and you can start noticing it. Any scene where someone is thrown or falls...Another interesting thing, hardly
any of the guns have any muzzle flashes.
Remember Sophie, the drug agent, is finally found by Merc. They have won and rounded up the bad guys from the compound. They run explosives throughout the
complex and detonate the explosives. The building explodes or at most a tree or 2 beside it fall.
VC is wanted to rebuild the drug empire. They have to eliminate Robo. That makes sense Robo always manages to tread slowly to where drug criminals are
hiding. Robo starts ineffectively shooting at VB who uses his unholy Roman candle attack.
Somehow, VC and Robo are in the middle of a city. They were in the middle of nowhere a second ago. And, now in a city with lots of neon signs, VB is hopping away
from Robo. VB uses a couple of girls as human shields. Unlike Robocop, who could target ricochets to hit criminals in the back of the head. Robo cannot do it. VB
runs some more and uses a flaming bolos. They fight some more. Suddenly a bunch of hopping vampires show up. Robo is being shot by a group of guys. And the
Merc and his group come along and save the day. No, that isn't what happens. Merc and his group were given the gift of no longer being in the movie.
VC is being attacked by Lady Ghost. She is using a flying umbrella that has its own attack moves. VC tries to do some warm up kung fu before fighting back. And
in possibly the most surreal scene in the movie which is hard to say. Lady Ghost rips her top off and uses it to temporarily blind VC. Not her toplessness, but his head
is covered with her sheer top. But, if you're desperate enough to be searching for topless ladies buy a National Geographic instead of "Robo Vampire." VC manages
to get the top off his head he smears some kind of symbol on her chest and Lady Ghost disappears. We would be so lucky at this point.
Robo is still fighting VB. VC summons a swarm of hopping vampires. Robo manages to shoot and kill them. VB repeatedly tries the Roman candle attack which
keeps failing. VC is stabbed by someone. Probably a production assistant to end it quicker. Robo uses the flamethrower attachment on his gun which was never used
before. Funny, it looks like a string is tied from the barrel and is on fire. Robo is burning hopping vampires now. Robo surveys the damage and trods off. VB was
killed in the final assault not sure though how...
