The problem with this article is that the researcher did not do their homework. In the majority of cases, it is the women who initiate this. Even more importantly, self-esteem among these women is higher than before this type of arrangement was made.

This lifestyle is not something that is randomly given just to anyone. A woman must truly trust her husband enough to come forward and share, with him, her innermost secret. In most cases, this is not something that she is forced to endure, but rather encompasses complete consent from both parties, which has been thoroughly discussed and planned well in advance. Together, the couple will define any behavior that would warrant physical punishment as well as other methods of punishments. (Reading certain bible versus for example). The woman feels secure with these rules in her household, just as a neighborhood feels secure when the police maintain a safe and orderly atmosphere. Her confidence in herself and her conduct rise as she continues her involvement within a DD arrangement.

The research continues on, stating the fact that the very idea of submission to their husband comes from the bible. Yes this part is true. However, what they do not realize is the very idea of submission isn’t simply something that is made up from men who want to hold their wives subservient to them and therefore use passages from the bible to enforce this. Couples have, themselves, agreed upon this arrangement first and then found comfort in locating passages that support this idea. The idea of submission is a personal choice first.

The research claims that these couples have misinterpreted the bible. However, there are passages in the bible stating the wife should be submissive to her husband. There is not misinterpretation. Whenever there are discussions on women being leaders, they seem to stumble on different facts within the bible. They still have not gotten beyond some of these discussions, which have been numerous. There are lots of discussions, which state the idea of submission to the husband was a result of Eve persuading Adam to eat the fruit. Therefore, God directed all women to be submissive to their husbands. They claim that after Jesus arrived, he set everything straight as he was kind to women. What they fail to realize is that submission is not the same as being unkind, and being kind is not the same as equality. They tend to skip over various parts in the New Testament and various quotes that again say women should be submissive to their husband.

They continue on, with statements about women who would want this type of lifestyle, calling them “co-dependent” and stating counseling is needed. I find it sad that an agreement between two people that works best for them and makes both of them happy, more loving, more compassionate towards each other, and creates a more peaceful environment for their household would be called “co-dependent”.

This type of lifestyle is “inter-dependent” with both persons striving for love and respect for each other.

I find their “submissive” statements the saddest of all, as they claim when a male has the authority of the marriage; it is doomed and will fail. They claim that the wife will have enough one day, as she feels like a doormat, only good enough to wipe his feet.

Bare in mind, these are the same people who are quoting the bible. Now everyone sees Jesus has a wonderful savior, and yet these same people do not realize that Jesus was submissive. They do not realize how powerful submission really is. I doubt people view Jesus as a “doormat” and worry about what will happen when he has had enough.

As to why marriages fail: There are many failed marriages in which the woman was the dominant one, where the relationship was based on a 50/50 authority, or where men were the dominant one. Relationships fail for a variety of reasons, including lack of communication, finances, infidelity, and so on. This has very little to do with authority in the relationship.

It is my belief that when we do find a partner, we usually pick out one that can complement us. Very few relationships are 50/50. Most of them have a person who is naturally dominant and a person who is naturally submissive. They complement one another. I find it ironic that in relationships where the woman may be dominant, there are not the same warnings given as when men are dominant.

The saddest thing is that they tend to believe that women are asking for this type of arrangement because of some past sexual behavior, or that they feel God is telling them they must be submissive. I find it a shame how they ignore the fact some women are making a conscious CHOICE for themselves. Since it does not fit the “ideas of today’s feminists” then it must be some sick women needing counseling.

In addition, they cite different statistics on battering and domestic abuse. The shame of it all is, within these statistics, they fail to point out that men are abused and the numbers cited include men. When it comes to domestic abuse, both genders are potential abusers and potential victims. They fail to state, the majority of abusers also have criminal records. What this means is that the ordinary citizen who obeys the law usually does not abuse his/her spouse. In addition, their studies do not account for repeat offenders. Therefore, while a small percentage of people do abuse, they abuse repeatedly which causes the numbers to increase. They also don’t take into account that the same abusers don’t just abuse their spouses, but they usually assault other people including their own gender.

If we were to discuss domestic abuse, then we really should be discussing ALL domestic abuse which would include the ever increasing incidents of sibling abuse and elder abuse, which are not gender specific."

Saying women are making the choice for their husbands to be in charge and therefore increase the incidence of spouse abuse, is the same as saying that if a woman chose to work in a “non-management position” that would increase the incidence of “boss-abuse.”

In addition, there are many countries in which it is common to have the men in charge. There are not rampant abuse problems in those countries. However, in America, where abuse is outlawed, we have major problems. Why is that, if there is a direct connection between male heads of households and abuses? I believe it is because they are not an abusive society. They are a society built on order and harmony. There is not the constant struggle to be "equals" in decision-making.

I find it sad that when people get on the abuse bandwagon, they tend to throw out amazingly high numbers. What they do not realize is that when there are questioners filled out by women, any yes answer counts as abuse. Some of their questions are:

“Has your spouse ever gotten mad at you and stomped out of the room?” Or “Has your spouse ever said an insulting word when angry at you?”

These “yes” answers go down in their statistics as “ unreported battered women”. I am certainly not against helping a truly abused victim. In my opinion, the incidents are too high as it is, but I think we do a great disservice by misquoting figures and we do a great disservice to men in general when we target them as being the only abusers.

Making the conscious choice to give your husband authority over you will not cause you to become a victim. We are certainly intelligent enough to know our spouses well and trust them enough to even bring up the subject in the first place.

In addition, to understand the truly abused wife, is to understand that the choice wouldn’t have been hers. She would have no control over this question. She would not be abused because she had done something wrong, nor would there be any agreed upon punishments and behavior conducts. She would simply be abused because he had reached his cycle of abuse. Her actions and behavior would not prompt this at all. She would merely be abused because “he felt like it”. In addition, his rage would not stop at a mere punishment, but would continue to actual battering. There would be no sharing, no communication, no enhanced relationship, and no peace in the household.

Is domestic discipline the same as abuse? No, it is not. This is a conscious choice between husband and wife in which there is mutual consent about each and every behavior including the consequence of each. Abuse is not consent.

Is this something that women have agreed upon because there are passages in the bible? No, it is not. If a woman did not agree to submission towards her husband, and felt she was going against the church, she would be choosing a different church that agreed more with her belief.

Submission does not equal stupidity. We are intelligent women who believe this is how we want our lives to be. This is our choice, not something that has been thrust upon us. There are various forums and discussion lists on the Internet. Any woman who is in this type of arrangement against her will is encouraged to seek counseling and either stop this type of arrangement or seek shelter.