So to make it easier on the both of us, I started to record my own infractions. Then at the end of the week (the only time we seemed to have together), I presented him with this list. He would study it and then we would have a discussion about it and the punishments were carried out. The rest of the time we spent together enjoying each other's company. The focus of our relationship became each other rather than discipline. After awhile, the record keeping was no longer needed as we became more comfortable in our roles. Now he is quicker to punish when necessary, and I am quicker to obey.

The purpose of this relationship is to promote peace and closeness and sharing. By relaxing and enjoying the ride instead of fighting it, we have accomplished it. It is not the same as an adult/child relationship. The household expectations are clearly spelled out as well as the consequences. Before DD, we handled problems in the home by fighting and by silence. Real communication was nonexistent. When looking back on that, it wasn’t "adult" at all, but nevertheless, it is something that a lot of couples do. We needed to change things as the method we were using was destroying our marriage and family. We didn't want our children growing up thinking that this was normal.

Now, we do discuss things and our communication is wonderful. Yes, I am punished, but I accept that. I don’t feel any more of a child in my own home than I would if I were speeding and was given a ticket.

In addition we both realized that it was the marriage that needed work on. The discipline can only work if the marriage is working. DD is only an enhancement of a relationship. It doesn't make the relationship. We also realize that it does not fix a marriage. It is the "icing on the cake" the pretty part, the sweet part, but is a nothing WITHOUT the cake.

In the world of wars, destruction, crime and hatred there is a safe place I call home. With my Husband I only have to concern myself with following the rules and submitting to their consequences should I not obey. There is no fighting (most of the time), no yelling, screaming, cussing, name calling, or destructive words here. I can relax here and know that I am protected especially from myself who by the way is my worst enemy. I am cared for, loved, and my needs are attended to. My thoughts are not on that cold world outside, but only to what would make my husband happy, my children secure.

People talk about being taught to NEVER give physical pain to another person, especially ladies. I agree with you to the extent that UNCONSENSUAL pain is wrong no matter the gender. However, you are forgetting how many women go through the pain of labor when delivering a child. She had to have a man's help there?? Some of the women experience hours and hours of labor only to turn around and have another child. And they planned it!!! What is my point here??? We are stronger, much stronger than you give us credit. A spanking is nothing to the amount of pain we can endure. A spanking only heightens our endorphins, makes us excited, makes us feel safe and secure, cared for, loved and protected in a world that is so uncertain. Yes, we may want to be spanked to the point of crying. Then we feel resolved of all the guilt feelings and it washes out like a rain. Afterwards we feel refreshed and clean and we feel more loved and closer to our Husband than before. Yes, you can make us cry with your words. That is a different type of pain though. That is a hurtful, angry, emotional pain that not only offers no arousal, but also is quite destructive to the relationship and to the trust in you.

Who knows what makes us tick. Who knows why some people would want to jump out of an airplane and hurdle through the air depending upon a piece of nylon??? Who knows why some people go screaming down a mountain with their feet tied to some wood, or get behind the wheel of a car and drive at incredibly fast speeds just for the rush of it all. Because that is who we are.

This is the "magic" of DD. With continued, loving discipline, the ability to stop acting spoiled in undisciplined areas of our lives will surface slowly. But it takes time for some...a long time and a LOT of spankings. Our stubbornness, our pain tolerances, our attitude levels are all different. To simply "stop it" is not an ability yet possessed without an external motivator. It not something to apologize for it; but honestly realize the problem and allowing discipline to work it's magic in my life. The process in this area is slow.

At work, people are unbelievably disciplined; the authority there signs the paycheck, and it's how the kids are fed: powerful motivator. Therefore it is growth within us to honestly see a problem in our own lives. We Should be impressed at our desire to improve ourselves and think it admirable!

Some of these words were quoted/paraphrased by my friends Catz and Petulance. Thank you Catz and Pet!!