Digits and I have taken breaks from DD in the past as well. Usually what happens is that the "real world" creates enough chaos, that DD becomes a strain. Sometimes dealing with the issues before us leaves us with no time, emotional energy or heart to continue with the communication and commitment so necessary to DD. Those that have been down that road before know how difficult that is on it's own without additional stress factors. All of this combined just turned out to be more than we could handle while trying to maintain a DD relationship.

How many breaks to you need? That is up to you personally. Digits and I have taken several. I think my own expectations of what DD was going to be like, what Digits thought it would be like, combined with what it was really like, lead us down a path that we weren't ready for. The whole thing just became too overwhelming for us and I asked that we stop.

One of the things I have found most interesting is that during the times we have taken a break, most of them have been requested by me. You may not find it unusual, butt knowing that I am the one that initiated this lifestyle; it just surprised me when I wanted to take a break. I'm not sure why. I guess I assumed that by changing our lifestyle, we would be "happy-ever-after", but instead I found it to be a commitment that requires a lot of hard work. After all, I discovered that although I craved this lifestyle, my greatest enemy was myself. I found that I was in a conflict with myself and needed the time to sit back and think. One part of me feels secure in this lifestyle, and the other one is demanding my own way. This conflict put a strain on DD. By removing it for a while, I was able to take a closer look without feeling pressured, and decide for myself that I wanted to continue and why.

It is at that point where I go to Digits and tell him I need to take a break from it, as I am just too stressed to handle all of it. It does not diminish the fact that we love and care for each other. It is just the fact that we are forced to handle the real world chaos for a while. Then when that passes, we continue on with DD. Digits was understanding and honored my request. This break worked for us and actually strengthened the love between us.

During this time, I also continued with some of the rules that Digits enforced, as I did not want to throw all of it away. By doing this, I was showing him my commitment to Him and the relationship as well as DD. He in turn, knew that it wasn't something I was simply rebelling against, but just needed the time to consider our lifestyle.

One of the things that I was really amazed at though is that even without the DD, the closeness and the ability to communicate that were brought about because of DD stayed with us through this period. Some of the "old training" stays. Instead of allowing the issues to tear our marriage apart, we were able to stay focused on the problem(s) at hand, staying away from petty arguments over who's ideas/opinions/solutions were better. Our marriage had become strong. We were able to continue nurturing our relationship. We talked constantly, shared our thoughts and fears about what was happening in our family. It just goes to show how positive DD is to our relationship. These are definite fringe benefits that have changed our lives and therefore the lives of our children. It is nice to know that we have begun to show our children the way two adults can get along and live together in peace and love rather than in war. That was so out of character for us before DD came along. What a change for us from the old days. We are no longer the couple who yells, cusses and blames each other for every thing that comes our way.

So announcing to your spouse your need for taking a break, realize that this is not a step backwards. You are still continuing in your growth and love. Also realize that if you find this lifestyle too difficult, that is okay also. This is not for everyone, and it is not an "easy way out" for marriage problems. This is a lifestyle, which enhances the marriage, not makes the marriage. Communication is critical in this. If you are having marriage problems, you need to address the problems and address the communication problems before DD. Without solving these problems, DD will only be disaster.