Well, the results came in and it looks like She-man won. Yes, Simon Crean is back, bigger and girlier than ever.
Seriously, can't he do something to make himself a little more imposing, a bit more of a threat to Johnny. Something has to be done. Maybe he should get Gretel Killeen's stylist, that might make him pretty scary... it works for her.
He needs an edge. Maybe this will work...
The catch-phrase "I'll be back" becomes a much scarier threat when put in that context. It's still not working for me though. I don't think there's anything that can make him cool. A spine may be a start.
Why can't we get someone with a personality to lead Australia? I can almost hear bogans yelling out "Chop-chop". Yeah, good one, bogans. But, even Chopper Reed would be preferable to Crean.
Personality isn't everything though, we also need someone who is more intelligent than your average politician. I have a suggestion...
She looks more Macaulay Culkin here than Arnold Shwartz-I-can't-spell-it, but I think she'd make an excellent candidate. She's even got the accent down.
All we need now is a campaign slogan. What's something that Reggie likes to say? I know... 'flaps'! Let's work on that:
"I'll be flaps." No, that doesn't make any sense.
"Vote Reggie No. 1 – She's bang-up for flaps!" Catchy, but it's a little too vague.
"Vote Reggie No. 1 – She's got a tight grip on Australia." Maybe not. It's a little to dictatorship-ish... and a little gross.
I've got it!
"Sick of Australia being called the arse-end of the world? Let's put Australia in front... Vote Reggie No. 1!" It's subtle, but I think it works.
You can email the Gold Logie winning Stilt-boy at jimjimbo75@yahoo.com.au
Go ahead, ask him a question... or offer him sexual favors, he'd like that...
