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"GUOJI SHUDIAN"
Canberra, Australia
12/08/95
15 years old
I'm happy Countess Babies gave me this. I'm starting to feel that she's one my bestest friends.
I respect her and admire her. She's a great friend to have. I have decided to do something special for her (a present). Right now life feels great. Just writing in this Guoji Shudian makes me feel very spiritual. It does kind of scare me to be Countess Babies' friend because of what happened to her and Countess Marie. Now their friendship was definetly weird! I just don't want it to happen to me and her. But I guess me and Countess Marie are completely different. I'm happy & confident. Thank you Countess Babies!
I wish I had a boyfriend or met any hot guys that were interested in me! Countess Babies is so lucky. I need a hot, nice, with a very funny sense of humor guy! Or anyone who will love me and respect me! I definetly want a relationship and maybe sex right now! I guess I'm just not confident. I need a guy...
Countess Olivia
"SKIPPING"
Canberra, Australia
09/11/95
15 years old
Today was average. I was to go to school today but didn't, I don't know why I skip, there's no point. Yet I hate school, can't stand it. I woke up today knowing I wasn't going, so I took a shower and got dressed. I asked Mom for the ten dollars that I took from the fudge money to pay for the raffle tickets yet I knew I wasn't planning to use that money for the fudge, I was planning to use it to buy food today. I left the house and went to the Newsagency to buy something to read so I'd have something to do while I'd wait for the time to pass by. I looked and bought SPIN magazine cause it had a rad Punk article on RANCID. I bought it and I bought a pack of gum (apple). Then I went to Coles to buy the food I got a Fruit and nut bar of chocolate and a packet of lemon filling cookies and also a lemon OASIS. I went to the back of Coles where there's a park close to the video shop and I sat there to read my mag and eat.
I was a bit afraid though that a teacher would show up or even Mom but no one did. When the time to leave came I tried to fit all my stuff in my bag (food) and left towards the school. I went to the front of the office and sat on the floor to wait for Mom. She got there only a few minutes later and I got into the car. I told her that I had the change of the $20 dollars she gave me. $10 so she said to put it in her bag. I feel bad that I do this to my parents but I needed money to pay for the fudge and for the "Babes in Toyland" concert ticket. And I also need money for the "Spring Thing" concert.
We got to Civic and went to the doctors. I was afraid that they were going to find the alcohol in my blood. But they didn't she only told me about how I had a low count of Iron and that they would need to do some more tests which meant taking more blood out. I told her how bad the other time went and so she said that it was no problem that they could take blood out another time.
I told her about what had happened to me for the last two days on how very depressed I felt and on how I cried on those nights and she asked me if I had thought about the anti-depressants. And I said yes, I had accually gone to that doctor just to get those anti-depressants. She gave me a pack sample meaning that if they didn't work I should come see her to get another kind or if they did work she gave me a prescription. I said thank you la di da! My mom paid and we left I said I was hungry which was crap because of all the shit I had eaten before. But I wanted to waste time just so I wouldn't have to go back to school she said yes but we had to get her new batteries for her hearing aid. We did all that, ate at "Hungry Jacks" talked ate ice-creams and so I lied to her telling her I only had Musical and Living Skills as the last two classes. Now that I think I feel so bad for having lied so much. Oh well! We came back home and I'm feeling really depressed right now. I really FUCKING hate feeling this fucking way. Why do I feel like this at night? Why?
I really hate Count Pintamono now, for not calling to see if I was ok I mean sure he's having problems of his own but we had agreed that if one felt down the other would help. He didn't even talk to me yesterday! What a FUCK, I hate him right now. I know he wont but if he calls and Mom or Dad answers I'll tell them to tell him that I don't want to talk to him. But if I answer I'll tell him "Count Pintamono, don't waste your time calling me because you feel it's the right thing to do!" then I'll just hang up on his face. Fuck-wit I mean I was so happy that he had said something mean to Countess Reddy and that meant that they were going to have some "breathing space" which as Countess Reddy's face showed she hates him and so do her friends (hopefully)--see?
I still like him, god I wish I wouldn't have to go through this and he would have liked me like I wished. But he doesn't and I don't hate him because of that I mean you can't make a person love another person. But I was happy that we were at least friends and he destroyed that. I want him to hurt now, I want him to figure out how much I really mean to him. Because God knows I like him, please forgive me for hating you Count Pintamono!
Countess Olivia
Ok, that was a bit obsessive. Count Pintamono was my best friend for a really long time. I only started liking him when he started going out with Countess Reddy. You can tell how negative and numb my entries are. I was just diagnosed with clinical depression and I was trying to deal with it. What you read is nothing compared to what I felt and there was nothing I could do but feel that way. I missed a lot of school this year and skipped alone most of the time. I used to sit in Civic, smoke cigarettes and look at the people pass by. Just reading this brings back terrible memories, it's been 7 years and a half since this happened and it's still a sensitive subject for me.
"YOUTH CENTER CONCERT"
Canberra, Australia
10/11/95
15 years old
Well from reading what I wrote yesterday, I was feeling pretty bad. I don't know if it's these new pills I'm taking (they might work really fast) but I'm feeling great! Today I went to Hawker college to get enrolled. I got all the classes I wanted and the lady there explained to me all about the major and minor system which I had no idea about. My mom was going to come with me and wait for me then take me home. I felt kind of embarrassed though cause I was going in with my mother. So when I went in while my Mom parked the car Countess Trinket asked me if I wanted to go to Civic with them, I said yes and so I went to tell my Mom. She kind of looked disappointed and I felt bad, but she went in to look at the cafeteria anyways.
Me, Countess Trinket and Countess Murmurs took the bus to Civic and we went straight to Impact Records (surprised?). I bought my 'Babes in Toyland' ticket there and we looked around. We left to McDonalds after that and I had a McChicken meal and Countess Murmurs and Countess Trinket had a Big Mac each for three dollars. Then we went shopping for formal wear for me, somewhere along the lines I decided not to wear a dress but something two piece like a top and a skirt or pants. Pretty good idea though, I mean I'd look so dumb with a 'Formal' dress.
In Grace Bros. I found the most beautiful freely skirt and it was so nice and black! It was a hundred bucks though so I put a lay-by on it for $12. And I'm planning to get a sleeve-less black long top for it. And to make it look formal I'd put a beautiful shiny broche on it. Then I left home and had choir.
Countess Rough came to pick me up with Countess Marie and Countess Socialist oh and Countess Pissedoff and Countess Trinket. We took the Bus to the Woden Youth Center to watch Countess Rough's boyfriend's band play, I was feeling strangely confident and talked to anyone and everyone. Later we went in and met Count Downcross (Countess Rough's boyfriend) and the rest of the band, they looked so FUNNY!!!! Count Downcross was wearing Countess Rough's small black dress, pigtails, black stockings and boots. Count Army was wearing beige flares, a green gross coloured top, a farmer's hat and braids in each side. Count Tiny was wearing a beautiful black short dress, and he looked so pretty and with his long blonde hair he accually looked like a girl from behind. And the drummer was dressed normally.
They played very well although I'm sorry to say this cause Count Tiny is such a Babe. I think it would have been better if I sang (God, I'm up myelf), it would be so cool. I'd love to be in a band and sing, I reckon I've got the voice. I really hope that I can meet people that play instruments and we can get together, I'd be the vocalist of course! I would like that so much, but as dreams go, I'm not lucky. Today I was very confident and talked so much with Count Downcross's friends. I really liked Countess Manson, she was rad! I also liked Countess Devil, Countess Sila (Count Tiny's girlfriend, she is so lucky) and Count Army, man I should have talked to him! Oh well, maybe next time.
Countess Trinket got really jealous though, that I was talking to them so easily and I could make friends so much faster and how people got to like me. Countess Marie and Countess Pissedoff left cause they were feeling uncomfortable (they were constantly bitching about me, geez) I really don't mean to be up myself, but it's true! Well, anyways Countess Trinket got really pissed off and told me that I was ignoring her and that I was wasting my time cause they all hated me anyways. That really hurt, but I kind of knew she felt sorry at the end. I told her how I felt and we said sorry to each other. So basically today was an ok day, lucky I don't feel so depressed.
Oh, and about Count Pintamono. Tha Fuck with him, I don't need him and he is a loser. I still hate him though but I don't like him like I did yesterday anymore. I know for a fact that I will always like him, but he is not that important to me anymore.
Well TA TA!!
Countess Olivia
That day was cool. Notice how I repeat the word "confident"? I don't think I've ever felt so sure of myself, ever, like I did that day. I was on a roll, I was being so sociable it was scary...I think that was what scared my High School friends, they knew me and knew how weird it was for me to be talking to so many people, especially college kids. Man, did I feel strongly about Count Pintamono...I'm a nut, first I said I hate the guy then I said I like him? Hmm...teen crushes.
"COUNTESS BABIES"
Canberra, Australia
11/11/95
15 years old
A Saturday will be a Saturday it always depends on what you'll feel like doing. I was planning to go to Spring Thing (concert) today at 12pm but decided that I couldn't afford it. I mean besides, only Countess RedMonster and Countess Murmurs were going and I don't even think that Countess Murmurs even went.
Countess Babies called from Tasmania this morning and at the begining when I picked up the phone I went in my head "Great! It's her again!" I just went along and answered all her questions about how school, friends and life were. I told her everything was great and she noticed that I really didn't feel like talking. Then the big question came "How's Countess Marie?" so I told her what she wanted to hear, I told her all about what happened at the concert and she went AHHH! And so I began the big cycle, I told her how I felt. I told her all about her manipulating ways and get this , she said that she wasn't really like that and she didn't know why I was being so mean to her. Then she admited to it and said that she was sorry and that she didn't notice it.
Then, get this, she said "Well I just want you to know that your still my best-friend and I would have told you about my day but I guess it would spoil everything. Well goodbye" and she hung up. She was trying to make me feel guilty and it didn't work I accually felt better. I told Mom and she congratulated me.
Mom and I went to see the movie Georgia today and it was really good, it was about a girl wanting to be a singer and her sister was already the famous singer. And it's got all the problems she had with Alcohol and Heroin. Mom didn't understand any of it, but that didn't really surprise me one bit. I called Countess Trinket and she noticed how well I feel cause I'm talking more on the phone. I'm meeting her tomorrow at 10:30am at Belconnen Mall, I hope we do something fun. Well that's it, TA TA!!!!
Countess Olivia
That day was weird for me, first time in my life I tell someone how I feel about them, I literally talked to her for like and hour, telling her all the things that were wrong with her. When I hung up I felt odd, stronger. Later, when Countess Babies came to visit Caberra and we got together I noticed she treated me diferently, with respect, and knew that she had to win my trust back. That was a nice feeling, I was so used to be being bossed around and manipulated by my friends that this feeling did make me feel older and mature.
"HE DOESN'T CALL"
Canberra, Australia
13/11/95
15 years old
Well I personally hate Mondays, I mean who doesn't? Today didn't suck I just didn't feel like school, well who does. I attended school as usual and felt tired in my first class, Living Skills. We watched a video on safe driving and it was preety ok, then we got to MUSICAL!!!!!!
I blew Count Pintamono off because I was so pissed off, one of the reasons being because of him not calling. I wrote him a letter though and told him how I was feeling and that he had my number how come he didn't call. He is really gona blow it if he doesn't call now. How can he be so inconsiderate? Has he even read the letter? Does he care? Come on! Call me!!!! Or he might have gotten pissed off by something that I wrote but knowing him he would have called to try to resolve it. Knowing Countess RedMonster she probably told him that I hate him or something, god I wish she would stop being so pathetic.
Me and Countess Trinket we went to Civic today to meet Countess Orael. We met her and her friend we went to the mall and got a Hungry Jacks drink. Then we went to "Pretty on the Inside" and Countess Trinket bought a really pretty black dress with flowers at the bottom. And a witches hat, really cool. I'm off now, I'm really getting stressed with work and stuff but it's better to just get it over and done with. Doesn't matter if I fail this year Mom and Dad will understand.
TA TA!!!!
Countess Olivia
In the end I did fail, but due to personal circumstances I was allowed to pass. My God I must have been so in love with Count Pintamono, I can't stop talking about him. Pretty On The Inside is a store in the center of Canberra city, they started out small and are now a huge. They sell trendy clothes, the two owners (a gay couple) have been making a fortune with this store, one of them takes care of sales the other designs the clothes. I have a lot of clothes from them, vintage type of stuff.
"COUNT ARMY"
Canberra, Australia
08/12/95
15 years old
Dear Diary,
Well after reading all the stuff I wrote Count Pintamono seems to be pretty important to me. I'll give you the insight for it, well as it turns out he got grounded and wasn't allowed to make phone calls to anyone. I said all right and I forgave him. Through out everything we kind of grew apart and we still talk if we see each other, but do you know what pisses me off? Countess RedMonster, why does such a loser accually exist. She has become really close to Count Pintamono. I'm not gonna deny it and say that I'm not jealous cause I am, but you know what? She's only doing it fot the image and because she likes him, she's got a major crush on him. She's got a crush on any male figure that will talk to her. And that my friends, is called being pathetic. (I get crushes but not on any guy that will talk to me)
I don't like Count Pintamono, I mean I do but not love like, but friend like and I can't do that if everytime I want to talk to him Countess RedMonster appears, or he is in a hurry, or any other bull shit. I've given up, if he wants to be friends he can make the effort himself.
Now to another note ,Count Army. Remember? Red haired Count Army? Well he is one hot Bubba!!!! Let's not say he is good looking, but he has got the funniest, nicest personality. I really like him and I've told Count Downcross and Countess Rough. I accually told them at the after-formal party. And Count Downcross said he would find out for me if he likes me too. I was planning to go with Countess Orael and visit Count Downcross' work in Manuka and let's hope Count Army is there.
Well I'll write some more later, gotta go and shower!
TA, TA!!!
Countess Olivia
"PISS UP"
Canberra, Australia
12/12/95
15 years old
Dear Diary
Ok, so today is boring! Right now I'm listening to Pantera, they're preety cool eh? Well we didn't go to Count Downcross' work at all because he was only working at 4 pm and Countess Orael would have to go back to work at 5 pm.
On the weekend I was invited to go to a party at Count Grin's house on Wednesday (tomorrow), big piss up I was told. Count Grin came over a while ago to pick up the booze money. All I could give was 5 dollars, WOW!!!
I hope the party goes allright, I was told by Countess Smart that I could invite Count Downcross and his friends (Count Army) but I haven't been able to contact him at all these past few days. Well I'm planning to sleep over tomorrow cause I can't come back home all pissed and everything, no way!
It's 2:30pm, what fun I'm having, this is so boring I guess I'll go
to finishing my Big Day Out poster------Whoa I just received a phone call
from Count Grin, they are coming over and then we are going over to his house to
clean up. So I'd better go shower!!
Bye Bye!!!
Countess Olivia
to visit this site since September, 2004.
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