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"GOTH PARTY"
Canberra, Australia
16/05/97
16 years old

Yeah ok so it's been a while since I've written! Everything is ok! Today I went out with Countess Socialist, Countess Rough, Count Roight and Countess Orael. Pretty boring! Accually mega boring! I smoked after not having smoked for like a whole week, then I felt really sick because I had like 4 ciggarrettes. Bad idea. We went to Machiatto and had hot chocolate, it's really nice there but too expensive!

Man it's amazing how much I have matured since last year! A big leap! I don't go psycho on guys anymore, weird enough. And I have a bit more self esteem after having met Count Freak over the internet!

I met him like a month ago (we got the internet at home) and we started off by talking about each other and it was great! We liked each other immediately, well he liked me. I liked the attention and flirting with him! He called me and I called him and we've talked but he seriously scares me to shit, maybe because I've lied to him about a couple of things or maybe because I get scared when people feel real emmotions for me. I probably can't handle the fact that someone likes me for who I am. Or maybe he is just the scary one. I don't know, it's weird.

I wanted us to start again because I enjoyed talking "going out" talk with him. Just being a couple, but he kept going on about how much he wanted me to go see him and how much he wanted to come see me. That's probably what scared me so I ended it 2 days ago. I was talking on Rockweb last night but he came and said hi, I was talking to someone else. Didn't get an answwer quickly enough so he left in a tantrum. I wrote to him an e-mail immediately after that and told him to stop being childish and to realise that I still want to be friends with him. He hasn't answered yet. What a weirdo.

Well today is the last weekday of the one week holidays we had, I've been bored this whole week watching Ricky Lake and Oprah...oh and also putting make up on and pretending to be a singer (my favourite) Just the thought of having people admiring you for doing something so great is good enough fun for me. I really want to become famous when I am older! I do!

As I said before I hadn't smoked this whole week, and just when I saw people smoking on tv did I feel like smoking again!

Ohh, on Saturday I went to Countess Shortie's Goth birthday party! It was really bad at the start I didn't know anyone and I felt uncomfortable as all hell! It was amazingly bad, but then after my 3rd beer and after most of the people were pretty drunk I started having a bit of fun!

I aso met these girls Countess Drew and Countess Deen, whom I had seen in Hawker College before talking to Countess Curls. Countess Drew went out with Count Stuble (beard a day). But they broke up she told me at the party, they were both really nice.

And I met this goth couple, at the beginnig they kept on glaring at me. But then they got a bit drunk and so did I so I said hi to them and they amazingly enough said hi back!

That was basically all but Countess Rough wanted to leave early because she was tired and we didn't but we had to go becasue we had no other way of getting home. Ohhh Countess Marie showed up after all, I wish I would have slept over at her house, we could have stayed longer and walked to Countess Marie's house at night, it wasn't that far!

Well I'm really tired and you can tell by my typing, I'm going to bed now!
Bye!!

Countess Olivia

"Count Deathmetal"
Canberra, Australia
10/09/97
17 years old

I thought today I would have a great day, I learnt my lines with Mom and Dad the night before for the Talent night where me and Countess Black have entered doing a soap opera skit and so I was ready for today. Ready to have a good time. I'm not having a good time though, I'm feeling fatter and fatter everyday, it's not surprising considering I've been eating a family bar of chocolate almost everyday for the past week, but I'd say that's because I've been feeling very depressed lately. I don't know why, I mean I've been taking my anti-depressant pills ok, but everytime I do take them the side effects are of me getting depressed.

I was just in maths today (Calculus) YUCK! And I was feeling so amazingly depressed, I wanted to just get out of there and run as far as I could. I'm sick of feeling this way, knowing myself quite well I do know when I'm feeling depressed for attention and when I'm not. In maths today I wasn't wanting attention...at lunch sitting with Countess Woman, Countess Dramahead and Countess Curls maybe. But I was still down...they cheered me up a bit though so that was good.

I told Countess Curls about how much I hate people who live for gossip, I gave her my most obvious examples...Count Grin, Countess Loud and Countess Rocky. They are so annoyingly stupid when they are together, oblivious to the world around them...I really really hate them when they are together... not Count Grin and Countess Rocky as much as Countess Loud. Countess Loud has no personality, I don't see what Count Achu sees in her. She's boring, loud and repulsivelly gossipy... her whole life revolves on the lives of others...I can't believe I felt I was inferior to her...at least I have a personality.

I gossip too always have, and I have had the gossip thrown back to my face but they just go over board...it's not so much the gossip but the way they get so involved when they talk to each other. When they are around others nothing matters but them...this is sounding a lot like I am jealous, but I don't feel that I am, they just really really bug me.

Countess Curls bugs me sometimes too, she can gossip a lot, and I won't lie but I do enjoy listening to it a bit sometimes, but Countess Curls is nice friendly and listens to others, she isn't fake like Count Grin, Countess Loud and Countess Rocky. Countess Rocky is so feeble minded, so not with it, she is your typical dits, bimbo idiot. Yeah I know, that's a bit harsh...but true. Bummer she's got such a great body and such a stupid mind, I'm glad she doesn't do much directing for Rocky Horror, it goes to prove my point.

Today Drama was great, Count Deathmetal is getting a lot more relaxed with us, especially me. God he is such a good looking bunch of meat! Hahaha, I know a bit odd but I don't like him the way I usually like guys, I like him as a great friend, he's funny overbearing and jesus he reminds me of me. Just now writing this I've realised he is like me! Not in many ways but attitude wise. I also am lot more comfortable with him and we get along great, although he seems to be taking some confidence from me as his is developing throughly, so I feel like he used to feel when around me and he's acting like I was at the beginning.

Count Grin is a great friend, I still feel he has a fake personality and in some ways he is like me in the sense that he always wants to please everyone, you can't win them all.

I'm getting my character ok I suppose, it annoys me a bit sometimes but Count Picasso's workshops do work very well with me and Count Deathmetal. I love his name (real name), I think it's a very sexy name indeed, and it suits him quite well.

I wonder how much extras make in shows like Star Trek? How cool would that be? Anyhow, I'm falling behind again in school, not too much...I could easily catch up on the weekend but...I'm getting worried. I'm gonna do homework tomorrow when I get home from school, I'd better!
I'd better go now, bye bye...sleepy

Countess Olivia

"TALENT NIGHT"
Canberra, Australia
11/09/97
17 years old

Well well, we won!!

We won 50 bucks, how cool. I'm happy in a way but pissed off that there was so much competition to it. Ok yeah, it was a competition. I didn't like the fact though that there was a lot of feeling that because some of the judges were drama students everyone felt that because we did something dramatic that was the reason to why we won.

Yeah ok, nothing was said in particular but the feeling is still there, yeah it was nice winning I suppose. First time I win something and actually get the prize. I thought the group of really hot guys that played war pigs by Faith No MOre, well more like Black Sabbath I had no idea, anyhow I thought they were excellent and should have at least won something, or I may be just saying that because I heard the lead singer say it was unfair, but everyone says that anyhow, nothing is ever fair. I shouldn't care so much what others say, I am so tired so excuse my writing, anyhow as I was saying I had this real dilemma through the performances today whether I would sing rubber ducky with Count Clown or not, I kept thinking "what are the people going to say? They'll think we're stupid!" I was actually planning on telling Count Clown no, but then I made myself think, luckily, "Why should I care whether I'm accepted by them or not, I'll never be friends with them anyway, and this is the way I am so stuff them" and I went for it and it came out great.

I was quite pleased with our performance also, everything went great apart from a couple of booboos we did great it showed too, i mean we friggin won!! The only booboos were that of me stuffing up a line, Countess Black laughing as the audience laughed and her telling them to shut up, Count Muscles turning the lights on too early and me starting too early, but luckily they weren't that noticeable, phew, i mean it was a Talent Night!

Anyhow Dad seems angry that I haven't been doing much homework, and it's true I haven't, I've done some stuff on Art but that's basically it I suppose, I'd better get my act straight or I'll fail again, hope not.

Ok well I think I'm too exhausted to keep going, I'd better go now, byebye...
sleepy

Countess Olivia

"POSH"
Canberra, Australia
26/10/97
17 years old

Uhmmm, it's Sunday. What do you expect? Sundays are always extremely depressing and boring for me. Especially because I know I have school the next day and I haven't done any home work whatsoever.

Anyhow, yesterday Countess Orael came over because my parents went to this old people's dance and my brother went to a Chinese friends' birthday party, in his words it was "posh". We talked for a long time outside smoking and drinking up my Bacardi. I felt the urge to invite her to the pot luck but I thought well, the crowd won't go too well together. Countess Orael is a good friend but lots of things about her stop me getting closer and closer to her, dunno what...I think it's the mentality she's been brought up on. Not her fault perhaps...not my fault either.

Yesterday Count Deathmetal and Count Picasso came over for rehearsals...extremely odd. Count Picasso left an hour after and me and Count Deathmetal stayed, we talked mostly...I insulted him a few times...deserved it he did!

Anyhow, I'm scared of my relationship with Count Deathmetal, it's too weird. I dunno whether I do like him or not, it's that weird I just can't tell anymore. It's an odd-like i suppose. He left at around 5pm and that's when i called Countess Orael.

I'm in the library now and I should be doing work so tata!!

Countess Olivia

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