Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs.

"I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE... I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO... I PRAY FOR A NEW VCR..."

His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf."

To which the little brother replied, "No, but Gramma is!"

Miss Jones had just given her second-grade students a science lesson. She had explained about magnets, and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron. Now it was question time.

Miss Jones said, "My name begins with the letter 'M' and I pick up things. What am I?"

A little boy in the front row proudly said, "You're a mother!"

A seven year old boy is walking down the road one day, when a car pulls over next to him.

"If you get in the car," the driver says, "I'll give you $5 and a piece of candy."

The boy refuses and keeps on walking.

A few moments later, not to take no for an answer, the man driving the car pulls over again.

"How about $10 and TWO pieces of candy?"

The boy tells the man to leave him alone and keeps on walking.

Still further down the road, the man pulls over to the side road.

"OK," he says, "This is my final offer. I'll give you $20 and all the candy you can eat."

The little boy stops, goes to the car and leans in.

"Look," he says to the driver. "You bought the Dodge Neon, Dad. You'll have to live with it!"

A four year old was at the pediatrician for a check up. As the doctor looked down her ears with an otoscope, he asked, "Do you think I'll find Big Bird in here?"

The little girl stayed silent.

Next, the doctor took a tongue depressor and looked down her throat.

He asked, "Do you think I'll find the Cookie Monster down there?" Again, the little girl was silent.

Then the doctor put a stethoscope to her chest. As he listened to her heart beat, he asked, "Do you think I'll hear Barney in there?"

"Oh, no!" the little girl replied. "Jesus is in my heart. Barney's on my underpants."

A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed,

"Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! Dear Lord, please don't let me be late!"

As she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed herself off, and started running again. As she ran she once again began to pray,

"Dear Lord, please don't let me be late!...But don't shove me either..

The little boy wasn't getting good marks in school. One day he made the teacher quite surprised. He tapped her on the shoulder and said...

"I don't want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don't get better grades... somebody is going to get a spanking..."

On our 25th anniversary, my husband took me out to dinner. Our teenage daughters said they'd have dessert waiting for us when we returned. After we got home, we saw that the dining room table was beautifully set with china, crystal and candles, and there was a note that read:

"Your dessert is in the refrigerator. We are staying with friends, so go ahead and do something we wouldn't do!"...................

"Hmmm, something they wouldnt do...well...I suppose," my husband responded, "we could vacuum."

One night a teenage girl brought her new boyfriend home to meet her parents, and they were appalled by his appearance: leather jacket, motorcycle boots, tattoos and pierced nose. Later, the parents pulled their daughter aside and confessed their concern.

"Dear," said the mother diplomatically, "he doesn't seem very nice."

"Mom," replied the daughter, "if he wasn't nice, why would he be doing 5000 hours of community service?"

A girl runs home to her mother crying, "I can't marry Joe! He's an atheist! He doesn't believe in God or Jesus or anything!

"Don't worry, Honey," said her mom.

"But Mom, he doesn't even believe in Hell!

"Don't worry, Honey," repeated her mom, "you marry him...and we'll convince him!"

One day shortly after the birth of their new baby, the mother had to go out to do some errands. So the proud papa stayed home to watch his wonderful new son. Soon after the mother left, the baby started to cry. The father did everything he could think of to do but the baby wouldn't stop crying. Finally, the dad got so worried he decided to take the infant to the doctor. After the doctor listened to the father all that he had done to get the baby to stop crying, the doctor began to examine the baby's ears, chest and then down to the diaper area. When he undid the diaper, he finds that the diaper is indeed full.

"Here's the problem", the Dr. says. "He needs a change."

The father is very perplexed,

" But the diaper package says it is good for up to 14 lbs.