Christian (ne Reso, William Jason)
One day you will call him "Master."
Vital Information:
AGE: 26
BIRTHDAY: November 30th
HAIR: Blond, Silky
EYES: Limpid pools of crystalline blue
PLACE OF BIRTH: Orangeville, ON, Canada
HEIGHT: 5'10"
WEIGHT: 220 lbs.
FINISHING MOVE: Tomikaze
SECRET TALENT: His hip movements can make grown men weep for joy.
GREATEST AMBITION: To overthrow the earth.
The TRUE, UNCENSORED Biography, as reported by Scandal
staff writer Sorcha Ravenschild:
Jason
Reso, known to wrestling fans as Christian Cage, presents himself as a
pleasantly goofy, airheaded pretty boy. We
at Scandal were
taken in by this masquerade for some time, during our long association with Reso
(aka “Nameless Source.”) The
truth, however, isn’t so pretty.
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Put quite simply, Reso is an evil genius, who seeks to use his good looks and sensual talents to take over the WWF, and thence the world. Along with his tag team partner Adam “Edge” Copeland, he spends his free time concocting elaborate schemes for world domination. Scandal, while gathering research for this bio at IHOP, overheard the following conversation between the two:
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Copeland and Reso plotting at the local IHOP.
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Copeland:
What are we going to do tonight, Jason? Reso:
The same thing we do every night, Adam – try to take over the world! Copeland:
But you promised you’d make my hair into pretty braids like Road
Dogg’s! Reso:
(sighing) After that. Copeland:
And then we’re meeting the Hardyz and Jericho to play strip tiddlywinks,
remember? Reso:
Well, after that, then! Copeland:
Oh look, Jason, Shane’s doing that semaphore thing with his napkins
again. M-E-E-F
M-E U-N
M-Y B-L-E-S-S-I-N-G
L-O-O-M – what’s a “blessing loom”, Jason? Reso:
Adam, you fool, that’s “dressing room!”
(pauses) Adam, are you
pondering what I’m pondering?
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Reso and Copeland plot to
take over the world --
Reso and Copeland making
strange signals to
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At
this point, Reson began beating Copeland over the head with his dinner roll, and
the conversation ended. Rest
assured, however, that Scandal has not
given up, and will bring you more on this situation as it develops.
