Jericho, Chris (ne Irvine, Christopher)
Chris Jericho -- Cute, but living a lie.
AGE: 30
BIRTHDAY: November 9th
PLACE OF BIRTH: Long Island, New York
HEIGHT: 6’
WEIGHT: 231 lbs.
FINISHING MOVE: Walls of Jericho
FORMER WRESTLING PERSONALITIES: Lionheart Chris Jericho, Airhead the Magnificent
SECRET TALENT: Turning almost any object into a sexual aid
GREATEST AMBITION: To achieve simultaneous orgasm with one or more partners
Chris Jericho, the self-described Ayatollah of Rock and Rollah and a paragon of virtue, has a hidden side that only we here at Scandal were able to fully uncover. After much digging through trash, late night stake-outs, and taking pictures through windows, we have uncovered the sordid truth about the man the world knows as Lionheart. And we cannot, in good faith, keep our findings from you, the all-deserving public.
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Chris about to begin his 50th attempt to
achieve his |
Apparently, his entire marriage to Firestone Tire heiress Christina Lockheart is a sham—after hacking into secret computer files and breaking and entering into her lavish New York penthouse apartment, we discovered that the Barbie-doll like blond was actually paid a large sum of money and promised free tacos for life from Mikey’s Taco Hut in Southfork, Alabama, if she agreed to pose as his wife and help him shake off rumors that he is, in fact, banging the living hell out of Jeff Hardy. (And on occasion his brother) |
| We came to discover by bribing backstage crewmembers that Chris and Jeff are all over each other behind the scenes. A certain wrestler, who shall remain nameless (Jason Reso) even told us, after a couple of drinks and some hundreds slipped his way, that Chris one time was almost late for a match because he was holed up in his dressing room with the younger Hardy brother. Mr. Reso reported that there is always a great deal of moaning, yelling and suggestive remarks that can be heard from either Chris’ dressing room or Jeff’s during shows. |
Chris Jericho, rushing out late for a match -- he didn't even have time to put on a sparkly shirt! |
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Jericho petitioning Commissioner Foley to let him tag with Matt and Jeff -- again. |
From what we understand, at least from the trace amounts of information we have gathered, is that Chris Jericho petitioned Vince to start letting him tag team with the Hardy Boyz on occasion, so he could change in their dressing room with them. We also find it suspicious that Chris seems to lavish attention on Matt during these matches, therefore further throwing everyone off the scent of the torrid relationship he has with Jeff. |
| When we tried to approach Chris’ new wife about her role in the sham, she threw water at us and turned her bodyguard on us. That alone, is proof enough. We also received a red shirt worn by Jeff Hardy with suspicious semen stains on it. Though the package was not marked as to whom it was from, we firmly trust the source and believe the semen to be Chris’. |
The most incriminating evidence of all -- Jeff Hardy wearing a red shirt. |
