Hardy, Matthew Moore
We all know Matt is not a
member of DX -- So
which member did he boff to get THIS? (Well
why else would he be wearing it?!)
AGE: 26
BIRTHDAY: September 23rd
PLACE OF BIRTH: Raleigh-Durham, North Carolina
HEIGHT: 6’1
WEIGHT: 220 lbs.
FINISHING MOVE: Twist of Fate
FORMER WRESTLING PERSONALITIES: Surge, Jebidiah the Drunken Roadie
SECRET TALENT: Eating glass
GREATEST AMBITION: To lock his pretty brother up in a glass cage so he can’t be hurt and no one can touch him but him, because he has the key
The TRUE, UNCENSORED Biography, as reported by Scandal
staff writer LadyJackyl:
Matt Hardy—one half of the talented tag team The Hardy Boyz, and often believed to be the stronger, more intelligent, brawler of the two. But how true is this? And is the innocent, down-home North Carolinian really as heterosexual and moral as he claims to be? After extensive peeping-tom excursions and hiring several private detectives, we have discovered the answer is a resounding no.
| It has been told to us, by our nameless source (Jason Reso) that Matt is, if anything, a true slut. He has slept with more guys than a sailor with a weekend pass in Rio. Most notably, his list includes rivals Edge and Christian, Chris Jericho, all of DX, most of the announcers, several of The Radicals, most of RTC, his brother, and a guy named Billy-Bob who had a front row seat during the RAW taping in their hometown of Raleigh-Durham and was sitting beside his dad. (Billy-Bob later told us that he was drunk and thought Matt was his pet sheep Hilda) | 
After many long hours staking out the
backstage area to |
|
Matt keeping his eyes wide open, lest
someone |
Matt denies these outlandish allegations, but we know better. There are a multitude of rumors about him and Jeff, and when we confronted him about this, he yanked Jeff away from us and screamed that we were not to breathe on him. Jeff just gave us a goofy look and went to color his hair. Matt insists that if we ever so much as dare to breathe the same air as Jeff again he will have us put down like rabid dogs.
|
| But still the rumors fly about Matt—from sharing hotel rooms with various wrestlers when there were plenty of other hotel rooms to be had, to a stash of sex toys we uncovered in his suitcase while snooping, the proof seems indisputable. The good-old Hardy boy likes his cock as much as the next man it seems, and never shall his thighs meet. |
Matt in a hotel bed -- most incriminating. |
As of this time, we have no more information on Matt Hardy. The last time we tried to get within ten feet of him he slapped a restraining order on us and charged us with attempting to murder his brother by breathing our sickly germs on him. But as soon as the fake ID’s and the money for the plastic surgery comes in, we’ll be right back on him, giving you, the readers, the information you deserve.
