Test (ne Martin, Andrew)
The subject, giving one of his
come-hither looks
to our Nameless Informant.
Vital Information:
AGE: 25
BIRTHDAY: March 17th
HAIR: Long. Blond. Smells like Pantene.
EYES: Blue
PLACE OF BIRTH: Whitby, ON, Canada
HEIGHT: 6’7
WEIGHT: 282 lbs.
FINISHING MOVE: Pump Handle Slam (aka Make the Grade)
FORMER WRESTLING PERSONALITIES: Martin Kane, TJ Thunder, Diesel Jr., Blondie.
SECRET TALENT: Being able to write his name in yellow in the snow.
GREATEST AMBITION: To have a line of men stretching around the building, waiting to have sex with him.
The TRUE, UNCENSORED Biography, as reported by Scandal
staff writer Y2Jai:
Test, known backstage and by friends and family as Andrew Martin, or just Drew, seems like your average All-American athlete (save for the fact that he's Canadian). Strong, powerful, confident, with girls swooning at his feet. However, we here at Scandal have uncovered the truth about this blond Adonis. It appears that not only are the aforementioned girls absolutely meaningless to him, but he is neither powerful nor confident.
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Drew again attempting to emulate Jeff Hardy.
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Scandal has leaned that Drew's engagement to Stephanie McMahon was a complete sham. He was using her to try to get her brother, Shane's attention. Whenever he'd come to the McMahon house, he'd pretend to get lost on the way to the bathroom so Shane would have to come find him. There, it is rumored that Drew would play the damsel-in-distress, making sure to unbutton a few buttons on his shirt and bat his eyelashes invitingly. Unfortunately, Shane never seems to have gotten the hint. However, Stephanie realized what was happening very quickly, and decided that if she was going to have to marry a gay man, she might as well marry Triple H. He didn't have any designs on her brother. |
| Drew was heartbroken, and drifted aimlessly, now aspiring to be a whore like his idol, Jeff Hardy. Unfortunately, by the time the roster were through with Jeff, they were too tired to give Drew a second look. This second devastating blow to Drew's ego has left lasting ramifications. |
Drew attempting to bolster
his reputation as a whore. |
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Drew attempting to emulate the way Jeff shaves his beard -- with disastrous results.
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The many sources we spoke to backstage (okay, only one, our Nameless Informant) say that Drew has developed an obsession with the Hardy Brothers, especially Jeff. He collects hair clippings when Jeff shaves, he has seven copies of the Hardy Boyz' RAW magazine, and he even has gotten piercings like Jeff (well, except that his is in his eyebrow, and Jeff's is in his navel). It is said that he is known to streak his hair with food coloring and wander nude backstage, propositioning anyone who would give him a second glance, just so he could add another notch to the bedpost he carries around with him, in an attempt to emulate Jeff. When we tried to reach Mr. Hardy for comment, we encountered similar problems as before. (See Hardy, Jeffrey) |
| According to our Nameless Informant,
the only reason Drew joined T&A was so he could be seen as the
"pretty boy" of the team. Some said he in fact encouraged
Albert to wrestle without a shirt, just so more people would look at him
during their matches.
When we tried to approach Drew for comment, he told us that he couldn't at the time, because he had an orgy to attend with several members of the WWF Tag Team division, and quickly retreated. However, we have yet to find anyone who would confess to being part of such an orgy, unless it involved a Hardy Boy. |
Test encouraging Albert not to shave. |
In this expose we have shattered the image of Andrew "Test" Martin as the confident ladies man, and proven that he is an insecure slut wannabe that idolizes Jeff Hardy. The proof is before you: he has long blonde hair, he has piercings and tattoos, and he wrestles with a hairy man. Do we need any more proof? We think not.
