Hardy, Jeffrey Nero
The subject, in one of his brighter moments.
Vital Information:
AGE: 23
BIRTHDAY: August 30th
PLACE OF BIRTH: Raleigh-Durham, North Carolina
HEIGHT: 6’1
WEIGHT: 212 lbs.
FINISHING MOVE: Swanton Bomb
FORMER WRESTLING PERSONALITIES: Willow The Whisp, Wolverine, Bag Boy
SECRET TALENT: Deep-throating
GREATEST AMBITION: To create a never-before seen color in his hair
The TRUE, UNCENSORED Biography, as reported by Scandal
staff writer LadyJackyl:
Jeff Hardy, the long-time suspected lover of Chris Jericho, has now been found out, thanks to our diligent and oftentimes illegal efforts to uncover his tawdry secrets. Apparently, Jeff has been all over Chris like white on Uncle Ben’s rice since Chris’ debut in the WWF in August of 1999.
Matt Hardy thwarting Scandal's
attempts |
We tried to talk directly to Jeff, but when we attempted it, we were screamed at in broken backwoods English by his large and violent hillbilly bodyguard (we later discovered this to be his brother Matt). We were told that Jeff is NOT gay, he ONLY likes girls, and he is NOT into incestuous relationships, and NO he did not once give his brother a blow job under a bridge in Sacramento and he NEVER likes to dress up in a cheerleader outfit and let Matt play quarterback. It was awful nice of him to offer that information, since we did not even ask him about those things. Hell, we’ve never even heard those rumors. |
| Despite all these protests, we firmly believe that Jeff and Chris have been lovers for some time…the proof speaks for itself! For example, one time Jeff was seen in the presence of Chris Jericho at ringside. There are also the facts voiced by our nameless source, Jason Reso. (See Chris Jericho’s bio) |
Jeff at ringside -- all the proof we need. |
| The rainbow-haired, elf-like wrestler is rumored to be dumber than a load of bricks, but we cannot confirm this, as the results on how dumb a load of bricks is has not come in yet. But it has been said that both Chris and Matt continuously brood over him, making sure that he is able to complete simple tasks like chewing gum without choking and not getting his hair dye in his eyes. An inside source which we gave a large sum of money to informed us that the two extract sexual favors from Jeff in return, and the three are like a torrid modern-day three Musketeers, except a lot prettier and they have sex with each other and don’t protect the King. Not to say that the Musketeers didn’t have sex with each other, but that’s another story… | 
Matt Hardy instructing Jeff on how to chew gum. |
So, is Jeff Hardy all he really appears to be on the outside? Confident, high-flying, heterosexual? Or is he really the locker-room hussy who has to be given instruction on simple tasks like feeding himself and wearing clothes? We’ll let you decide…but do remember that he is often seen in the company of his brother, and he works in the same federation as Chris Jericho.
