McMahon, Shane Brandon
He can't even wait till he gets out of the ring!
Vital Information:
AGE: 30
BIRTHDAY: January 15th
HAIR: Brown
EYES: Big, Brown Puppy-Dog
PLACE OF BIRTH: Gaithersburg, MD
HEIGHT: 6’2
WEIGHT: 230 lbs.
FINISHING MOVE: Death-defying leap from great heights
NICKNAMES: The Boy Wonder,
The Heir Apparent, Simba the Giant Killer, Sexual Irish Cream (used mainly by
the staff of Scandal)
SECRET TALENT: That mouth ain't just for show.
GREATEST AMBITION: To stage an authentic Roman orgy.
The TRUE, UNCENSORED Biography, as reported by Scandal
staff writer Sorcha Ravenschild:
The Heir Apparent of the WWF is known to wrestling fans as a self-assured, arrogant young man, fully conscious that his good looks, money, and position make him irresistible to many. What the fans don’t know, however, is how the Boy Wonder spends his free time. We at Scandal decided to find out.
|
Shane at one of his
late-night
|
Strangely,
our nameless source (Jason Reso), proved unusually unhelpful in this case,
even after we plied him with Blow Pops and Backstreet Boys albums.
We were forced to rely on our own investigative skills.
After a couple of false starts (i.e. being tossed out of the back
by Jim Dotson when we were caught listening outside Shane’s office,
wearing Power Rangers disguises), we discovered that Shane has yet another
nickname in certain circles of the WWF: Town Bicycle. |
|
The
reason for this nickname quickly became apparent (no pun intended) when Scandal
reporters, disguised as potted ferns, staked out the Boy Wonder’s hotel
room. In one night, no fewer
than five WWF superstars were observed entering and leaving said room,
though not necessarily one at a time.
The next morning, Scandal, through the judicious use of fire in the lobby, distracted
the desk clerks, and taking advantage of the ensuing chaos, discovered
that the list of charges to Shane’s room included:
|
Shane after a busy, busy night. |
Needless to say, these charges were highly suspicious, especially considering that the five WWF stars in question were walking awfully funny that morning. Amidst giggles, the Scandal reporters fled the scene, with disgruntled desk clerks in hot pursuit. Later, we learned that those five stars did not appear in that night’s show. Coincidence? Or sheer exhaustion? The world may never know.
