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Letter From the Webmaster
Letter From The Webmaster
Back In The Saddle Again
I'm back. Usually, I only try to put a few days in between these columns, but since I am a shamefully lazy man, it's been almost a week since my last one. I am so sorry. Never again!
In case you hadn't noticed, we've undergone a little redesign here at the Friends of Satan For President. The redesign happened when I finally figured out how to make tables, a process which took many, many hours and was not helped by the fact that I had just got my monthly shipment of cheap liquor, cough syrup, and porn. I was very busy that night. I still haven't updated any of the other pages yet, but it's acomin'. Also, I've added a link so you can email me with whatever kinds of crazy crap you can come up with, and general comments, and suchly.
However, one good thing did come out of this redesign. I finally got enough money to buy myself a DVD-ROM for my computer which will allow me to sit in blissful peace and get even less done. Good for me. Besides, DVDs are going to be, like, the CDs of the nineties.
Mark Rich. Ah, good ol' Mark "Marky Mark" Rich. One of the reasons I appreciated having Clinton in the office--besides watching the hijinks of James "The Jackhammer" Carville and Sid "Arrgh! That holy water burns!" Blumenthal--was the fact that Clinton was so gosh-darn predictable. Once you are predictable, you are no longer a threat. If you are no longer a threat, you can be used.
You see, Clinton could always be counted on to do one thing: Look out for Clinton. This is good, because any lawmaker could use this as a weapon. For example, let's say that I, Senator Tom D.--No, wait, that's too obvious, let's say T. Daschle--want to pass a constitutional amendment that would allow black people to spit on white people. Now, under ordinary, non-Clinton circumstances, this would be unpossible (What's that from?). Why? Because white people don't like to be spit on! Nobody likes to be spit on. However, let's say that through some Democrat-engineered miracle, the bill passes through both the House and the Senate. Now, Bill Clinton is a smart man. This is not the same as saying he is a good man; many evil people were smart--Josef Stalin, Aaron Burr, Karl Marx. However, he is rather clever, and he would understand that passing a amendment that would allow black people to spit on white people would practically guarantee that 89% of the population would not vote to re-elect him. (This is pre-1996, in case you were wondering.)
But--and this is a huge but--if Senator Dasch-I mean, if I attach a rider onto my amendment absolving Clinton of all past crimes and giving him two comely lasses (What's that from?) and a six pack of cubans, he'll pass it in a heartbeat. Why? Because Bill Clinton was, and is, a sad, strange little man. (What's that from?)
Which brings us, conveniently enough, back to Mark Rich. Y'see, Mark Rich, whom I'll be the first to admit that I don't know the first thing about--aside from that whole pardoning thing, was married to Denise Rich, who just happens to be a big donor and fundraiser for the Clinton Fan Club, er, the Democratic Party. This is significant. Clinton is no Al Gore. Al Gore lies and steals and cheats as his nature. Clinton lies and steals and cheats only when it will help him. That's what should be investigated: how all these pardons help Clinton.
Woo, I'm dizzy. Talking about Clinton gives me headaches. It's all that thinking in knots, you see.
See you in four.
The Webmaster.
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