Monday 31st March

I woke up early from a frightening dream in which I was working for George Bush. To prevent any further occurrence of such noxious concepts I got up and did some reading. Heaven knows what is going on in my subconscious! I refuse to even think or make sense of that nightmare, although I will acknowledge that he would greatly benefit from my astute advice. I suspect that listening is not part of his vocabulary as he would seem to prefer sticking to his own misguided views.

Yana needed some spanners for the cheap bicycle that he had picked up at a garage sale so he went off to Ballina. For once I didn't mind and we played our favourite tape of terrible oldfashioned dangdut music, which we both, quite inexplicably, really enjoy. While he was checking out the pawn shop I went to the health shop across the road and had a carrot juice. I read the Women's Weekly photo guide for the last century and enjoyed catching up with a whole series of major historic events. I had got up to 1984, which was probably quite an achievement when Yana re-emerged, spannerless. So it was off to the K-mart where he managed to spend forty dollars on a set of spanners to repair a ten dollar bike! Oscar Wilde and his witty quotations had kept me amused while I waited.

I had unfotunately finished Duong Thu Huong's 'Paradise of the Blind', a beautiful Vietnamese novel set in North Vietnam and Russia, and was in need of fresh reading matter. A visit to the library was the only solution. I returned Thomas Mann and Virginia Woolf's books, finding both so excrutiatingly boring that I couldn't possibly read another page. This was most out of character for me, as I tend to finish a book no matter what, but these two were impossible.

Sunday 30th March

I returned to Byron at one in the morning which made it officially midnight, as we had to turn the clocks back. Summer would seem to be over. I had coped much more adeptly with the night than I had anticipated, and was thrilled with the opportunity to experience something different. I had desperately needed to get out off my tedious little merry-go-round.

I took it easy while the Indonesian twins came round and played music with Yana in the garage. They produced a very pleasant sound and there was no complaint from the neighbours. Not that there should have been, it was one in the afternoon and it was hardly intrusive heavy metal. I caught up with the weekend papers and generally luxuriated on the couch. It was also back to mung beans and my bland diet again, more's the pity, but I tried to keep smiling.

Yana and I went for a pleasant bike ride along the Suffolk Park Track in the cool of the evening. I found it hard going, because I have no fitness to speak of, and my knees complained loudly. Pain notwithstanding I did welcome the fresh air and the quietness of the lake. Not much later there was a spectacular electric storm and the sky was lit up with cracks. Heavy rain soon followed and I was happy to be tucked up safely inside.

Saturday 29th March

The day started off like so many Saturdays that I thought I was in for yet another routine experience. We had gone to Mitre ten as Yana needed some hardware supplies and I waited in the car, watching lots and lots of Australians buying bits and pieces for their weekend gardening and handyman pursuits. Everybody seemed busy with some project or other. This I decided, was life in Australia, very typical and we were lucky that we were free to potter around like this.

A phonecall from Judy transformed into an invitation to accompany her and Jaemmy to the Balinese Hari Nyepi celebrations in Runaway Bay. The drive up was remarkably quick although the highways and byways of the Gold Coast managed to flummox us as usual, so we were ravenous by the time we finally found Pak Nyoman's house. With true hospitality we were invited to dip into some of the supplies that had been prepared for the five hundred guests expected at the peformance in the evening. It was lovely to taste Indonesian food again, although I had to try to remember some of Yves advice and avoid chili and eggs, which was not as easy as it sounded.

I suspect the full quota of guests arrived, for the hall was certainly full. What amazed me was that the occasion was purely a celebration and so there was no cost. We watched dancers and listened to gamelan and then were able to partake of an amazing feast, bowls and bowls of rice, platters of fish, eggs, chicken, beef rendang and vegetables. The small group of organisers had been cooking and preparing for days, and I was open mouthed in admiration at their efforts. I can't even cook for five people!

Friday 28th March

Yana and I passed a quiet day at home, both of us pottering around doing little nondescript things. I was pleased that he was happy to play around with his guitar, rather than rushing to Ballina or some similar place. He can get very restless at home sometimes, and then it becomes the duty of his co-pilot to accompany him. His driving is very good these days and I'm sure that he is more than ready to try the test again. A license could give him great independence, and I may even come to rue the day that he eventually obtains it!

Byron was its normal bustling self, with lots of bikinied tourists wandering its streets. I quite enjoy a quick walk around the streets occasionally just to remind myself that I live in such an exotic place. I tend to forget! I also managed to attend to a few necessities like paying rent, posting letters and shopping.

Together with my good friend Berenice, we went to the Piggery to watch the movie 'Frida'. The movie was entertaining, but not overwhelming or magnificent, like 'Monsoon Wedding' which was just so visually stunning that it took my breath away. I will admit to sympathising with Frida and her body that had let her down, I am also in possession of such a body.

Thursday 27th March

The SBS news today announced that one thousand Iraqis had been killed but the Allies were not aware of their own casualty numbers. We, the stupid folk are supposed to believe this? We know what the others over there suffered but not our own! In other words I wouldn't be surprised if the Allied casualties were high, and they were obviously embarrassed. Talk about continual manipulation of information.

I have been watching the SBS German news broadcast, which is fortunately presented in English, and find that I like their coverage. They are not giving the propaganda and the sweeping pronouncements that the Americans like to deliver. It is good to get another prespective, but what is unfortunately apparent is that a huge amount of instability has been unleashed. All sorts of groups are appearing out of the woodwork and are trying to benefit from the present attack. I wonder whether the Allies were aware of these groups.

After more than a week away from the beach, I finally made it back down. I didn't stress myself with a long walk, but still managed to get out and exercise a little. The sea air was positively delicious, and although there was a cool wind, it was very pleasant to be out and about. I felt very pleased with myself, although I abandoned the idea of a swim, thinking that it was perhaps a little unwise. In a day or two perhaps.

Wednesday 26th March

I had another acupuncture session with Yves, the short stocky Frenchman. (One would think that I have a predilection for the short and stocky.) I was asked to recall some dreams, and this unleashed a whole barrage of memories and tears. I was exhausted by the time I left, but did feel surprisingly energised. Perhaps a whole lot of emotional garbage was cleared. I would like to think so.

Tess had a bit of time at home so I was subjected to the mindlessness of commercial television. It was almost a pleasant relief from the whole Iraq debacle. I enjoy Tess' company, she is easy going and has a wacky sense of humour. We are inevitably laughing about something. It is great to be living with her.

I had one or two temper outbursts in the evening, which is so unlike me, I am such a gentle soul normally! Unbeknowns to me, and not until it was too late, did I discover that I was obviously operating on a very short fuse. It makes sense I suppose, I was so fed up with feeling exhausted and having to drag myself from one thing to the next. Feeling lethargic seems to depress me. Anyhow I hope my dear husband will forgive me.

Tuesday 25th March

With more determination than energy I updated my webjournal. It was almost a week out of date, and was getting more difficult to recoup with every day that passed. I will say that it felt good to have it all under control again. Gradually, little by little, I hope I can return to my former routines and practices. They weren't earth shattering, but they did keep me busy.

My brother passed through Byron Bay on his way to the south coast. A month back we had talked of me accompanying him on the drive, and stopping off at Newcastle to pay Sam a visit. As luck would have it, I just wasn't up to a long car trip and had to knock back the opportunity. This did pain me considerably as I wouldn't have minded a change of scenery.

The war continues but I'm listening less and less. I find all the rubbish that spills from the mouths of some so distressing. I couldn't believe the latest activity, pointing to Russia, France and Germany as the suppliers of Iraqi chemical weapons. Was this because America was angry that these countries had refused to join in the attack? I thought that only spoilt children behaved like this! America, we all know, was just as big a supplier, if not bigger, than the European countries. They were all at it. Pointing a finger at another at this point is a bit rich.

Monday 24th March

I received my first rejection slip. So put your autograph books away, it doesn‘t look like I am going to be an overnight sensation. Ordinariness would seem to be my lot, perhaps I should stop fighting against it and just accept my destiny. Still, it is a little disillusioning. I quite enjoy the writing and it fills in the time, and can‘t think of a more appropriate activity. Still writing for my own pleasure is a little disconcerting. When I have the energy to return to my writing, which I still haven‘t got, then I will consider the situation anew.

Yana wanted to go Ballina, as he was very keen to trade in his electric guitar for a better model. He effected this without too much trouble, and assured me that the sound of the new instrument is infinitely superior to the old one. I staggered in to a health shop for a carrot juice while the performance took place so I wasn‘t a witness, but they should know him well by now, he is a regular visitor.

The sitting in the car completely exhausted me so I was forced to have a huge sleep when I returned home. I just hope that I start feeling more energetic shortly, because my body is quite sore with all the lying around. The last week has been most unproductive and very frightening. The way I feel is not pleasant, I just want to be released from the exhaustion, and use the sleep as an escape. I don‘t know how much longer I can tolerate the listlessness.

Sunday 23rd March

Not much improvement. Fortunately Yana was not feeling very fit either and he was more than happy to laze around. He had hurt his back trying to give me some a torturous Sundanese massage and was hobbling around like an old man. At first he thought he had caught my pain from me, but I assured him that this was not the case.

On Wednesday I had already explained that the radio programme was causing me too much stress, and was not prepared to continue. I really have to look after myself, I am number one, for me, anyhow. So Yana went off to work and I continued my sleeping. I didn‘t listen to the programme and was pleased to be free from it.

I finished my beautiful book, ‘A Suitable Boy‘ by Vikram Seth, and was very sad to do so. Even though it was fourteen hundred pages long, and was very awkward to hold, it had been constantly part of my life over the last three weeks. I wished that it had gone on, the ending was a bit of an anticlimax. I will miss it.

Saturday 22nd March

It was the day of the AIAA garage sale at our house and election day for NSW. Judy had set up the garage while I had been away at the acupuncturist, and there seemed to be a surprising amount of stuff for sale. Some of it had been donated by a homeware shop that was closing down and was brand new. People came in droves from nine o‘clock on, although most looked and didn‘t buy. By mid-day we had made a hundred dollars which wasn‘t so marvellous although Judy was quite happy. I was exhausted and had to go back inside and lie down frequently, but this was no problem as there were plenty of helpers.

By two we were up to two hundred dollars, which had been the aim of the event. Then, and probably because it was election day and there was a huge amount of people in Suffolk Park, we had a last minute spurt of activity. The final total was over three hundred dollars, which was very gratifying. We still had enough gear left over for another sale, and may try to hold one in Mullumbimby or Brunswick Heads, in the not so distant future. All in all it was a successful day, although I can‘t take much credit for it. We should be able to go some of the way for paying for the transport of the Indonesian gamelan orchestra from Bandung to Byron Bay.

The rest of the day was fairly nondescript. I read the weekend papers, and was horrified by the war coverage. I cannot believe that certain people can talk about good bombs, and effective ones, which are only considered such because of the amount of damage they cause. America apparently has a wonderful collection of new toys that they are very keen to put to the test. If it had been Saddam Hussein talking we would all have been shocked, bit it wasn‘t. I was still shocked nonetheless.

Friday 21st March

The shoulder pain had intensified to the point where I was in extreme pain. It was eleven in the morning and I was already in tears of frustration. I despaired as to how I would be feeling in twelve hours time, as I couldn‘t see any reason for improvement. I visited the doctor who lives next door but one, but he was preparing for holidays. I was loathe to go to my usual doctor, because I was reluctant to take painkillers or anything like morphine. That seems to be a path of no return.

I found an ad for a Chinese Herb and acupuncturist in Suffolk Park and gave him a call. He wasn‘t there when I rang, but he did return my call very quickly. An appointment was given for an hour later, and I coped in the interim as best I could. Yves, a short stocky Frenchman, for that was the name of the fellow, was very attentive and supportive. He showed considerable concern and then devoted the next three hours to me and my scary predicament. He gave me some acupuncture and explained a lot of the things that were happening to me. It all sounded plausible enough. The pain was because my liver was enlarged, it was battling with the chemotherapy and a fairly inappropriate diet which made it work very hard. It was pushing against my shoulder and hence the pain.

When I arrived home I was exhausted, and only wanted to sleep. I had been oblivious to time, and Yana had been forced to catch the bus back. I’m sure that the experience didn’t hurt him. I was not in so much pain and that in itself relieved me. Needless to say I have been told to forgo the few things that appealed to me, like brie, smoked salmon, and roast chicken. Apparently oatmeal, rice porridge and mung bean soup are more appropriate. How unfortunate!

Thursday 20th March

I went to Radiology and was handled by a doctor who worked so quickly that the drain was inserted in a twinkling. I will look out for him again! Later at the hospital I was able to follow the news and found that all around me were in horror of the war that was about to enfold. Disbelief seems to prevail. What is happening shouldn't be.

Bush's speech justifying the war was an insult to intelligent people. 'I will defend the world from grave danger'.... I ask you. Where was his tight suit, cape and large S on his chest? I refuse to accept such a gross over simplification.

I was relieved of eight litres of fluid and was quite exhausted as a result. I had a good nap before leaving, as listening to all the war talk had quite exhausted me. As a much slimmer person I returned home and crashed. Sleeping was all I had in mind, and I dispatched Yana to the Yellowflower restaurant to buy some Indian food. Cooking was not something for which I could muster any energy.

Wednesday 19th March

Another quiet day. I haven't checked my email and certainly haven't been up to any creative writing. I read and I sleep, but my inactivity is not reflected in the world around me. George Bush is determined to have his war and it appears that it will start tomorrow. The poor UN inspectors are going to have to pack their bags and leave quickly, and they haven't even finished their work. The UN has been over-ridden and ignored, and then have been conveniently blamed. They apparently failed. It is helpful when there is someone to blame!

George Bush is a scary man, and his eyes are far too close together for my liking. In horsey worlds, and I once wandered in them, we would always caution against buying a horse whose eyes were too close together. It indicated lack of brain space. I can't help but be reminded of this whenever I look at the man.

We had a busy Byron loves Bali meeting, with lots of business to get through. We will all be kept busy over the next week and I only hope that I am up to it. Things seem to be moving along well and that is heartening.

Tuesday 18th March

I was feeling very ordinary, so much so, that I really had no plans to do anything much at all. Tess was going to Ballina, and Yana who immediately thought of pawnshops and K-mart, jumped at the opportunity of accompanying her. I planned to indulge in some dedicated sleeping but recalled that I was supposed to be meeting up with Jo for our Indonesian lesson. The thought of a foot massage was appealing so I dragged myself into town. It was pleasant and I coped.

My appetite has gone and I battle with lack of inspiration when it comes to eating. I often don't eat lunch till about three, and even then I have to force myself to eat. Hunger never comes into it. I knew this was not helpful, so I tried to motivate myself. What did I fancy? Smoked salmon sounded enticing and so I treated myself to some. It was delicious and I decided that humouring myself wasn't a bad tactic.

The nasty shoulder pain is back. I remember it well from West End, last year, when my cancer was increasing. Its persistence frightened me, and I would not be surprised if this means that the drug is not working. I tried to think of other things but the doctor's negative views last week kept coming back to me. I will have to work hard and regain my positiveness.

Monday 17th March

I was off down to the post office at opening time so we could arrange for the faxing of some important information that would lead to the release of a new registration sticker for Tess' car. The old sticker had been inadvertently thrown out with the old cracked windscreen, not that the people responsible had been overly concerned. Not even a hint of an apology had been forthcoming. My father was sorting out the situation but the people in Tasmania wanted some proof that he was not trying to extract a sticker unlawfully. Heaven forbid, if I was to try to get a new sticker I would do so on registration that had more than three months left to run.

Tess took me to lunch in Lennox Head, and we sat there overlooking the sea, eating delectable salads. It rained intermittently, but Tess said she was used to that. Every time she has two days off, it seems to rain. It is as if there is a jinx watching over her as her plans for swimming and lying in the sun are constantly thwarted. She had to settle for a packet of Timtams and a copy of Cosmopolitan.

I was exhausted after lunch, the chemotherapy is fairly tolerable in comparison to some other varieties, but I am still very tired. I slept and slept, it was delicious. Unfortunately fluid is building up steadily and I may need to be drained later on in the week.It may well be that the chemo is not working. Then again, I should be used to that. We experimented for five months last year before there was any response. So what is new!

Sunday 16th March

Yana had the day off so he was up early with great plans to go somewhere. He was all for Ballina, but for my sanity I suggested that we go in the other direction, perhaps to Mullumbimby. There is a chance that he could do his driver's test there and as it is a quiet place, we decided to failiarise ourselves with the streets. On arrival he was most upset to see that everything was closed and I suspect that he had intentions other than driving practice. After a bit of a drive around, there wasn't even a single roundabout to be spotted, we headed off to Brunswick Heads.

It was lunchtime and hunger pangs were intensifying, so we went to the Fisherman's Co-operative and joined the countless others having fish and chips. There was quite a pleasant area, nicely grassed with tables, benches and umbrellas, and we settled down to enjoy our food. Not so far away we could see the small fishing fleet and a few pleasure yachts. Old photos, inside the shop, told us that the jetty had been built in the sixties and at that time there were in excess of fifteen fishing vessels. We then checked out Byron love Bali's Linn Vanderstukken's shop opposite the river. They sell lovely Indonesian furniture, textiles, pictures, handcrafted objects and other artefacts. It was very interesting and I'll know where to go next time I need to buy a present.

The radio programme, with Yana and I, was a bit like a Basil Fawlty episode. Everything that could go wrong went wrong. We had an interview with a local musician that went on forever but people couldn't hear the answers to my questions. Phones rang, presumably to tell us that nobody could hear half the interview, but we didn't know how to answer the phone in the middle of some telling questions. Then there was a prolonged bit of static that rendered us helpless. What were we to do? Later again the wrong microphones were on, they looked right at a cursory glane, but weren't. I couldn't sleep all night, I was so stressed by what had happened. The Bay FM management is already watching our programme like a hawk, so we will be in trouble. To be honest, I really don't want to continue, it is quite demanding and there is precious little gratitude. Why would one do this voluntarily?

Saturday 15th March

The sun was shining and so we visited a few garage sales. It had been quite a while since we had last cruised the streets of Byron, town map in one hand, and newspaper clippings of sales in the other. I can't say I minded, and we went to some of my favourite parts of the town, up in the old town, Kingsley street and environs. The views over the area and onto the bay are quite stupendous. Yana couldn't find anything that took his fancy but I found a copper bracelet that was quite attractive. I had read somewhere that copper was good in cases of nausea and I was keen to find out if this was actually the case.

Yana worked the afternoon shift so that gave me time to hit the keyboard again. I was feeling quite tired but forced myself to complete a set amount of work before I was allowed to relax and have a snooze. Tessie and I then had a lovely walk along the beach. There were a number of people about, young children building sand castles, others walking, a few misguided ladies parading around topless and the normal collection of excited dogs in hot pursuit of balls or sticks.

The Weekend Australian was full of distressing stories. Howard has decided to ignore his constituentcy, an old lady had died two years ago and nobody had noticed, and then there was the story of the Thai woman who had been brought to Australia to work as a sex worker when she was twelve years old. The latter outraged me, we pretend that Australia is a fair and wonderful place but I sometimes I have my doubts. There are some appalling practices going on here, and we all turn our heads the other way.

Friday 14th March

The day started beautifully and then disintegrated into a real tropical downpour. It was pleasant initially but became tedious as it continued. I now will have no compunction in washing my feet outside after a beach walk, I imagine that the water crisis must be well and truly reduced. The newspaper had said that we had moved from level five to level four, which didn't strike me as being a great progression, but perhaps there is a lot I don't understand.

Today is the birthday of two good friends, Conchita in Bali and Sue in Tasmania, although the latter is temporarily in India. I thought of both all day and hope that they made the most of the occasion. Coincidentally, a package with photos arrived from Bali and I was able to relive some of Conchita's stay in these parts. I looked awful, still had a puffy face and was wearing that frightful red wig. I look much more normal now, and although my hair is shedding, still a substantial proportion remains, well for the present anyhow. Tess was not happy with the photos either, she thought that she looked overweight. Isn't it funny how we focus on ourselves and fuss so!

Yana was paid and we made a beeline for the supermarket. Our cupboards were well and truly empty, and I had been shopping for days with little piles of piggy bank coins, calculating each purchase with precision so I wouldn't be caught out. I even discovered the part of supermarket shopping that I liked best, and that is leaving. When ever I walk out of the air conditioning I am assaulted by a barrage of hot, humid Byron air and I love it. It reminds me of when I step off the plane in Singapore, Bali or Jakarta and inhale my first lungful of wonderful tropical air.

Thursday 13th March

The big wet continues and I can't say that I mind. At night it is lovely to crawl under a quilt and have cool air coming in through the window. Going to sleep when it is raining is a double bonus and makes me feel ever so snug and cosy. Unfortunately the floor of the car is constantly wet, heaven knows where the water enters, and I would like to ask for a day of sunshine between all the rain. It would just dry things out nicely. If I could be so bold to ask.

The day was quite uneventful, I did lots of work on the computer, and read a lot too. The massive tome, 'a Suitable Boy' is quite compelling reading, and I enjoy settling down for an hour or two. My eyes don't cope well with all the visual activities and I seem to be perpetually wandering around with pink eyes. I might be mistaken for an enthusiastic smoker.

Yana wanted to get some more videos, and as his co-pilot I had little choice but to accompany him. We have seen a huge number of films over the last few months, and the films that remain unseen are not so attractive, and are difficult to locate. I was not feeling wonderful, I had started my medication and it saps my strength, so I opted to wait in the car, which was all right for about ten minutes but then became increasingly boring. Ultimately I just lay down and had a nap. When Yana arrived over an hour and a half later, he was in quite a flap, because he couldn't see my familiar shape in the passenger's seat!

Wednesday 12th March

Yana and I headed off to Ballina as the car needed a service. We were faced with the delightful prospect of waiting three hours...and even the weather was not with us, it was raining. To Yana's delight we started at the K-mart. I decided to be constructive and spent my time looking at the plots of the novels in the book session as I wanted to find out what other people were writing about. It was quite enlightening. Then I looked at the children's toys, in preparation for a visit to Indonesia one day. We would have to buy little Ricky and Rachmat some toys, so I thought I would see what was available. I was not impressed, there were some revolting things and I suspect that Action Man, a plastic overly muscled doll with an aggressive face was probably the worst. I will probably stick with a good bucket of Lego.

Hunger overwhelmed us so we had some brunch at the Asian Gourmet shop at Ballina Fair. It was probably the only place where Yana could expect to get rice at ten in the morning. The woman who served us was so friendly and when she found out that Yana was a cook, she wanted to invite him into the kitchen. She is from Hong Kong and I look forward to going back shortly and asking her for her name. I may even start to enjoy shopping centres in Ballina!

We had a small Byron loves Bali meeting in the evening, as a number of our members couldn't make it. We are making good progress. My article on the dispersal of funds in Bali was published in the local Echo newspaper, and another woman has received enough sponsorship to pay for tickets, advertising and the hall. The local community radio will give us free air time and so we now have to come up with an advertisement. it has fallen to us to provide the script, background music and speakers. That could be interesting.

Tuesday 11th March

I woke up to a dream that has visited me regularly over the years. It focuses on an old rundown house at Rosevears on the Tamar River in Tasmania. I lived there till I was eight and in my dreams I find that I have moved back in or am about to. Renovations feature heavily, which doesn't surprise me, as the house is now abandoned. Some smart person may advise me to return to Tasmania and buy the old house, but Rosevears is now a fashionable area and the land alone would be worth more than I could ever summon together. Strange isn't it!

There are a huge number of potholes in the streets of Byron Bay these days. Great big cavernous ones. After each bout of rain they get even bigger and new ones start to appear. We are forever dodging to the left and the right. It is like Indonesia.

I met with Jo and we continued our foot massage cum Indonesian lesson. It was pleasant but I wish that I had more feeling in my feet. I can barely feel a thing but she assures that eventually the nerve ends could be restored, so that could be something to look forward to!

Monday 10th March

I had a busy morning. A few of us met at the Expressohead cafe to prepare ourselves for opening a bank account for the Byron loves Bali group. It is quite a complicated procedure but we feel that we understand the requirements now. Then I enrolled for a writer's workshop in early April, and will cross my fingers that it will take place on a Sunday when it is my turn to help on the radio. It will give me a cast iron excuse to not appear.

Yana drove me to Lismore and we had the unfortunate experience of following a truck full of pigs for quite some distance. It positively reeked. I vowed then and there never to have anything pork related ever again. My resolve lasted less than an hour, as I settled down to a very tasty ham and tomato quiche for lunch. Talk about undisciplined.

The doctor was his normal pessimistic self. My cancer count hadn't gone down any but then again it hadn't gone up. Sometimes my body is a little slow in responding, and the next visit will obviously reveal where we stand. When I discussed options that remain open, he seemed very guarded and reluctant to admit that there were many. I will write a letter to my old doctor in Brisbane and keep in contact with her. If there are any trials or experiments taking place then I would like to participate, I have nothing to lose. Apparently Lismore hospital isn't really involved in much research. I refuse to accept that the next few months could be my last. I feel quite good, am very busy, and dying is not on my agenda.

Sunday 9th March

Yana and I had lunch at the Byron Services club. They were not happy with his grey singlet but as I was wearing a singlet and shirt, I could give him the shirt. Apparently it is OK if women wear sleeveless tshirts but not men! The pink looked very nice with his lovely black hair. The food was very cheap, and Yana was most impressed. Our fellow diners seemed to be from a totally different world, very un-Byron Bay. There were no alternative or radical people here, just ordinary solid Australians, and it was an interesting experience. Whether or not I will return remains to be seen.

We gave the pokies and other gambling enticements a wide berth on our way out, but did have a close look at some interesting old photographs. Byron Bay was a whaling station until the fifties, it had a canning factory, and seemed to be built in a swamp. As Yana astutely commented, the town was once 'terrible', who would have thought that it would become such a popular tourist attraction.

I did the radio duty, although my co-compere blamed me for all the technical faults, and there were a few. I have refused to learn how to operate the control panel, because I know if I do, I will be left to handle the programme on my own. I hope he felt good dumping his own inadequacies onto me, and may well leave him to blunder through on his own in future. I wonder who he will be able to blame then!

Jaemmy, a Bandung/Byron person, held a grand opening for his bamboo business in the evening. He has already built a number of intriguing things from bamboo and I suspect that he should do well. He seems to have devoted himself to bamboo, having an extensive collection of bamboo flutes of all shapes and sizes, as well as pursuing the construction side of things. The boys played music till midnight and it was a pleasant occasion.

Saturday 8th March

Rain, rain and more rain. I would hope that the water shortage has been largely rectified, but I suspect not. It would seem that a huge amount of water is required to restock the reservoirs. It is as though the summer is over and we have plunged headlong into autumn. In hindsight it all happened very quickly, too quickly.

I went for a nice long walk along the beach in the late afternoon but encountered a bit of rain. It wasn't too heavy so I coped without too much trouble. It could have been very uncomfortable so I was pleased to get back home. A nice cup of tea and a perusal of the Weekend Australian soon restored my spirits.

My hair is falling out, just a little, but too much to ignore. I had hoped that I was going to be lucky. Blast, blast and more blasts. I have quite enjoyed the last few weeks, having a head of real hair and very little fluid in my abdomen. I don't expect a great deal, and don't want to be vain, but it was so nice to feel normal.

Friday 7th March

Tess's car was to receive a new windscreen today, after having sported a huge crack for as long as most of us could remember. The only hitch was that she had made the appointment for Ballina. So muggins me had to drive to Ballina, pick her up, and then in the afternoon we had to drive back and pick up the car. It made quite a hole in the day.

Yana and I spent some time in Byron Bay, just wandering about after having had lunch at the Cardamom Pod, an Indian vegetarian restaurant. I had a blood test in readiness for a doctor's appointment in Lismore on Monday. Tessie had our car so we caught the bus home. Going around a roundabout, in a long bus, was quite an experience. Particularly as we were seated on the back seat.

Yana is ever the practical joker. We discovered Tess's car in a car park while she was at work. Remembering that he still had her key in his pocket, he had been fixing a jammed door, he decided to move the car up a parking space and face it the other way. Tess arrived home quite confused. She was certain that she had parked her car in a different spot. We clarified the confusion and had a great laugh.

Thursday 6th March

I had to drop in at the Bay FM community radio office early this morning with a letter that I had composed last night. We are seeking radio sponsorship for our upcoming cultural performance and wanted to ensure that the letter was presented at the management meeting this evening. Publicity is important, certainly after having seen what happens when an event is poorly promoted. I wouldn't want a similar fiasco to the jazz pianist episode not so long ago.

In the streaming rain I then drove to Bangalow. I managed to locate the lovely old Heritage House and waited for the members of the Bangalow Writer's Circle to arrive. I was the youngest there, by a good twenty years, although I could be exaggerating just slightly. I reasoned that I might not live to a ripe old age so I had better get in and mix with old people now while I can.

It was an interesting morning. One woman was a very talented poet, another wrote plays, a third wrote novels and a fourth was writing a historical story. A fifth was preparing her family story. The all wrote well, and I was quite in awe of their consummate skills. I imagine that I am going to enjoy their monthly meetings. Let's hope that some of their talent rubs off on me.

Wednesday 5th March

An uneventful day, so uneventful that I hope I am never stupid to spend another day in such a boring manner. I should have gone for a walk, but didn't, I really regretted it. I must show more initiative.

The Byron loves Bali group had a meeting at five o'clock. It was quite productive. We met with an amazing man who had just dispatched four computers for a school in Ubud. He was also trying to find school fee sponsors for twelve children from needy families. We happily agreed to take on five of his charges for the next twelve months. It was advantageous for us to have the background work already completed. To identify five children independently would have taken considerable time.

We chose our five students from a photograph, such a daunting task. Some of our group members chose on the basis of a cute face, but I have always been a bit of a sucker for the underdog. If one had been less attractive than the others then they would have been my choice, but they were all equally appealing. Ultimately I chose the oldest, reasoning that he was more likely to be forced to leave school, and it was important that he stay in the school system.

Tuesday 4th March

I was thrilled to receive a letter from some old friends in Capetown. I hadn't heard from them for ages, years in fact. I write an awful lot and am constantly disappointed by the lack of letters in my mailbox.(or email.) Everyday I follow the postman's bike with great concentration, rush outside and am inevitably let down. My friend in Tasmania, Patsy, with all the wild animals, is the only one who seems to have retained the old art of letter writing. But today, I was happy, as I hate losing contact with friends.

I had morning tea with Jo at Expressohead, a Byron cafe of some note. Jo has an Indonesian partner and recently underwent the appalling experience of awaiting her husband's non-arrival at the airport in Brisbane. The immigration officials in Australia, in all their wisdom, had decided not to let him enter the country, and had sent him back on the next plane. I had thought the same was happening to me, last June, when Yana had been so slow in emerging, but in her case it had really eventuated. After having gone through all the trauma of obtaining a visa too!

Jo and I chatted away happily and then we decided that we would barter services. She would give me a weekly foot massage while I would endeavour to further her grasp of the Indonesian language. She was very happy with the suggestion, and me, would I complain? I thought that it was a magnificent idea.

Monday 3rd March

I finished my book about India, 'Heat and Dust'. It was enjoyable, and I couldn't help thinking of my friend Sue, who would be heading off for India tomorrow. In a real Indian mood, am I deliberately torturing myself, I found the tome, ' A Suitable Boy' by Vikram Seth, on the library's shelves. It was the very book I had hesitated over in the bookshop last year. I was thrilled, I could enjoy its 1400 pages and it wasn't going to cost me a cent.

Byron Bay continues to be full of tourists, they just keep on coming. Yana and I had lunch in a Jonson street cafe and watched the hordes walk past. It was entertaining, and helped pass some time. I intend to do a lot more cafe sitting from now on. I will call it research, but I will be hunting down characters for my stories.

In the evening I attended the local performance of the Aristophanes play 'Lysistrata'. Apparently, in over fifty countries, there were over a thousand performances being held, on this third day of the third month of the third year in the new millennium. It was only a reading, the actors kept their scripts in their hands, but it was still well acted. The play may have been written over two thousand years ago but it was relevant and accessible. It is based around a group of women who decided to withhold sex till their husbands gave up their war mongering. Some parts were hysterical and we were all in stitches.

Sunday 2nd March

By about midday I was more than ready for my sleep loving family who had finally decided to wake up. I had worked on the computer till my eyes were red and bloodshot. I even had to hunt around for eye drops, my little peepers were so painful. It was good to be able to sit there and chat.

We caught the tail end of the Byron Market and I will admit that I was happy to be out and about. We met up with our Indonesian friends, some were offering massages, and others were just wandering about. Then it was Yana's turn for the radio, I was so relieved that it was him and not me. Declining an invitation to join in, I went home and lay on the couch, half listening to the program and half sleeping.

The day had cooled down and had become a lovely autumn evening. People were out in force, walking dogs, playing football, riding their bike, or just lazing aorund. For a half second I thought of the delights of the four seasons, but not for too long. One day of autumn and one day of winter is enough, and then it becomes tedious. All that cold, odd socks and warm clothing. No thank you.

Saturday 1st March

Another new month, a new section to my calendar, and I am still hanging in there! I can't help but smiling. We had to start the day off with a bit of housecleaning, as the real estate agents wanted to hold an other open house. There is not a little of interest in the unit, oh dear, I wonder why! Apparently the million dollar price tag properties are selling nicely, while the little four hundred thousand ones are lagging. It's almost another world as far as I am concerned.

Yana and I drove to Ballina, to the K-mart, joy of joys, as one of the new sheepskin seat covers had a headrest while the other one didn't. While Yana was there he couldn't help himself and started to cruise slowly up and down the aisles ... again, he'd only been there a day or so ago. I begged my leave and sat in the sweltering car reading the Weekend Australian. I doubt whether I will ever enjoy the K-mart and would prefer to spend my leisure hours in almost any other manner.

We had lunch in the Ballina Fair shopping mall, some Asian food, and I pretended that I was in Singapore. It was almost possible and there were enugh people about of Asian extraction. Yana was all for seeing a film after lunch, and I agreed. It was a sticky day and there are worse ways to pass a Saturday afternoon than in an airconditioned theatre. We saw 'The Quiet American', and I loved it. The Asian setting, the journalistic lifestyle, the politics, are all my favourite ingredients. Yana found the film lacked action! There was far too much talking, and presumably not enough deaths, although there were plenty.

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