1.   ENGAGEMENT RING.

2.   IMAGINARY DOG.

3.   POLICE HAT.

4.   MISS BITCH'96.

5.   HE GAVE HER THE KEY.

6.   WOULD YOU GO OUT WITH A SHORT..

7.   ALICE LILLS JONES - THE MANIACAL DEPRESSANT,
     WAS ASKED TO POSE FOR AN ANNA KARENINA PORTRAIT.

8.   SELF DOUBT - A CAUCASSIAN WITH AN IDENTITY CRISIS.

9.   VANILLAH HEAD LOCK.

10.  DR DEATH.




6. WOULD YOU GO OUT WITH A ...

Q1: 'Would you go out with a short man?'

         Q2: 'What kind of men do you go for - tall?'

These are the two questions a man often asks a woman. Why? Beats me.

         A1: No.
         I'd stay in.
         It does not make any difference in bed
         and the coffin will work out cheaper too.
         Besides he'd be better in that respect
         than a tall man for obvious reasons --
         gotta work harder against a stereotype.
         Vee says, 'In any case he'd still be taller than me, personally speaking..'

         A2: A bit funny coming from a not so tall character
         who's just made you come about a dozen times or so..

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7. A SUICIDAL MANIAC

In her social circle she's often referred to as "Ms Anti-Prozac".
Although her true vocation should be a BPD(*) drug test lab mouse, Alice Lills Jones was an artist.
As artists often do, she got seriously depressed for some reason or another.
Kathy Fenwick, her colleague-painter had a bright idea.
To cheer Alice up, Miss Fenwick bought her a long pink off the shoulder gown.
Miss Jones was asked to wear it and pose for Kathy's new project, an Anna Karenina portrait.
The model's beauty was more than adequate for a painting depicting a disturbed Russian aristocrat, however in Kathy's mind, there was still something missing.
'Lills, can you try and look a bit more as if you were going to throw yourself under the train in a second?'
'Now there's a thought..', Alice thinking to herself.

(*) Borderline Personality Disorder also know as Bullshit Psychiatrist Disorder.

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8. SELF DOUBT - A CAUCASSIAN WITH AN IDENTITY CRISIS.

Vee says, 'Naaah, fuck this one too. There's a better one..'

8. HER LOVER

'Hello?'
'Hi, Tony. It's Francesca. How you doing?'
'Not bad. How'bout yourself?'
'Could be better. You never come down the Pulse on Sundays no more..'
'I know, mun. Lazy..What you up to? You should be here with me now', he sounds young, innocent and unaware.
She sits on the sofa opposite you, listens to you chatter away, half-way detached.
''Ooh wuzz dat?'
'Your man.'
'Naah.'
'Yes.'
'For real?'
'Yeah..'
'Fotwas jusumguy u wuzz makin'apasson.'
'Yeh, workin'on'im. He's gonna call back Sunday after 2.'

You guessed it, his name is not Tony and I am not Francesca.
I was being out of order.
What does it feel like to flirt with your best mate's lover right in her face?
Hmmm..Good! Two consenting adults.(*)
I have enjoyed the fantasy and owned the moment, now I return the young man's time and his voice to his rightful owner.

Sunday, 14:15

It's been weeks now since Moana Shaye's heard from her lover.
The Ramadan came to an end and The Eid was upon us.
The fast is over.
Moana opens her locker and switches her mobile back on -- five voice-mails.
Ahmed aka Tony sounds every bit as conspicuous as ever.
'What's up?', she rings him back.
'Nothing much. How are you?'
'Better. Now.'
'And that friend of yours, what's her name, errm.. Fatima?'


(*) Three Consenting Adults!!!

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10. DOCTOR DEATH

It was said that Doctor Death was a very wealthy person.
Although she was a woman she has survived the trauma of the sight of a man's brains splattering on the front of the train she happened to be driving at the time of the unfortunate Vauxhall suicide, with no repercussions to the state of her mental health.
It was only April and she's already "killed" nine of them in 2004 alone.
She did not receive any counselling but since each time some-one threw themselves under the train she has been compensated with cool round £1,500 for the stress, Dr D. decided to go to Paris.
Paris in Spring is a lovely place to relax and get inspired.
This spring however one Michael Isaac was to be buried not too far from Montmartre.

'Michael Isaac....hmm, where did I hear that name before?'

That crisp April morning Dr D. has experienced a sudden urge to visit Basilique du Sacré-Coeur.
Alice Jones didn't bother wearing black, after all her and Michael weren't even engaged at the time of his untimely departure.
The yellow scarf round Miss Jones' neck was the first thing Doctor noticed as she walked into the church.
As I said it was the right time and place to get "romantic"...tbc

MORE ALICE

This one is for The Bingley Kid, a dear friend who is still growing up..

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